[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally, break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back.
[00:00:26] All right, so today I wanted to just explore this topic and this idea around.
[00:00:31] Just because it's true doesn't mean it's useful. And I think this applies to circumstances, and it applies to the thoughts that we have about circumstances. And so this is important. And this is part of where having a coach can be really helpful, having a mentor, having somebody who can help you to see what is a thought, a belief, an opinion, maybe a story that you've been carrying for a long time. But it could be a pain story, a very painful story about how you're not enough or how nobody wants you or how you're a burden or how things don't come easy, or any number of reasons. Like any number of things, it's easy for our brain to focus on the negative, to focus on wanting to protect us, wanting to keep us safe, wanting to prevent bad things from happening to us in the future.
[00:01:19] And it wants to keep us safe from disappointment, safe from letting ourselves down. Right. It's like, even when we focus on a pain story around something like weight loss, you could look at it as, I've only lost five pounds in the last six months, and that could feel really painful. Or you might think, I can lose weight, but I always regain it again. And there could be some factual evidence to it that might be true. It might be a true statement. It might. There might be fact in there. We could put things as a circumstance. And now it's a question of, what are we making this mean? And it's hard sometimes to choose a new story when the thoughts are true, like when you are what you're telling yourself. When the story is very true, it's very accurate, or when the circumstance is true. It can feel hard to choose something that's positive or something that's motivating, something that brings the conviction or commitment or, like, an emotion that would be more useful in creating the outcome that you want.
[00:02:18] And this is important because we can choose our pain. We can allow it, we can feel it, but we can also choose to set it down. We can choose to put it in a bucket and set it to the side and decide, I'm not gonna keep snuggling up with this. I'm not gonna keep Telling myself the same pain story that's not getting me somewhere.
[00:02:35] And so it does come up with like weight loss, emotional eating, binge eating, right? You might have a story of I can lose 30 pounds, but I'm up 40 over the last two years.
[00:02:47] And there might be some factual evidence to that, but the more you tell yourself, the more you're indulging in the pain and the harder it is to take productive and positive action towards your goal of weight loss, the harder it is to get into committed, solid, motivated, feeling forward. And it's not always about being super high vibe or excited or amazing, right? I think sometimes we, we need this grounded, neutral energy of I'm willing, I'm committed, I'm not giving up on myself, I'm going to choose to learn from these experiences. Or yes, maybe the scale is up. And here's what I have learned from that. Here's what I'm doing differently, here's what I've recognized because sometimes it's as simple as noticing a couple of thoughts. It's as simple as noticing the thought of I deserve it. I worked really hard today, it's been a stressful week, I've lost some weight, I'm on vacation. We love this phrase as I deserve it. The other one that's common that comes up is screw it, why bother? Screw it, I've already blown my diet. Why bother? Keep going now, I'll start over tomorrow, I'll start over next week. There are some very simple sentences that we tell ourselves that can truly account for adding on an extra 10, 20, 40 pounds. And it's hard when it feels like it could be that simple. There's a part of us that doesn't want it to be that simple. But what if it was?
[00:04:10] What if we let the solution be simple and the solve then is not just about taking away food or trying to restrict or trying to find a new diet or a new form of eating. It's more of how do I better recognize those permission giving thoughts and how do I better recognize the pain stories that keep perpetuating the negative emotions that then often cause me to eat.
[00:04:34] And so this is where we get to decide what we believe, what we think and feel on purpose. I hope you hear this in a motivational way. This is not just to blame you. It's not to have you feeling stuck or frustrated or to self loathe. This is really to empower you of just because you've been telling yourself and indulging in a pain story for a long time doesn't mean that has to continue.
[00:04:56] You can decide that even though this is true, even though this is a fact, you're choosing to believe something else. You're choosing to move in a different direction. And you can also find the optimal angle. You can find what's good about it. You can find what you learn. You can find what's useful. We can always look for the optimal angle. And this is really interesting as I think about one of my core pain stories. It was around growing up without my biological dad and then having my mom and then my stepdad. So I had the father figure for what I can remember of my life. I don't remember a time where I didn't have that father figure, but I also didn't feel emotionally supported and loved it, didn't feel emotionally safe. So the story that I had about my bio dad not being there or about some of my stepdad's outbursts, it was like I did something bad or wrong. I am bad. I'm not enough. I'm a burden.
[00:05:48] I'm not special.
[00:05:49] I'm not wanted or chosen. And it's really interesting because I didn't think about this until last week, but even though I could see all of the negative side of things with my dad, my brain didn't even think to look at the positive of My mom chose me. I was wanted by my mom. I was special to my mom. I was chosen by my mom. I was enough for her. She's been one of my biggest cheerleaders, my biggest advocates, my biggest supporters.
[00:06:17] We have such a great relationship, such a great friendship now. Like, it's really incredible.
[00:06:22] And my brain, though growing up was just so focused on lack and scarcity and what I didn't have and what I wasn't getting.
[00:06:29] And one of the big things that I realized much later in life, unfortunately, but at least now I know, is that it was those wounds of not feeling special, not feeling wanted in that fatherly sense, that had me seeking it from men in romantic relationships. And once I could see that and recognize that, I started working on how do I make myself feel chosen? How do I make myself feel special? How do I validate myself so that I'm not looking for it from somebody else, especially from a man, especially from a romantic partner. As a kid, I didn't have the ability to do that, to look for the optimal angle, to look at where I was chosen, where I was special, how these negative thoughts I might feel very true, but also are not useful and also don't get me where I want to Go. And the fact that my dad wasn't in my life for the first 28 years, like, not really relevant, not useful to use, that I harbored a lot of anger and a lot of resentment and a lot of insufficiency in myself. And I can look back now with a lot of love. There's a lot of compassion, there's no shame, there's no frustration with myself wanting to give little me a big hug and tell her that she is enough and that she can do amazing things and that she doesn't have to listen and just follow what other people tell her she can do or what other people say that she is. What's really interesting, growing up, I had sisters. I grew up in a family with mostly women. Had all aunts and female cousins, sisters. So there were a lot of girls. There were just girls everywhere. There was never talk that I couldn't do something. Like there was never this overt. You can do anything you want even though you're a girl. It was just implied. It doesn't matter whether you're a girl or boy, like you're alive, you exist and you can do whatever you want. It was just always there, always present. And it was really interesting how it wasn't until my marriage that I had somebody who was telling me that I couldn't do something, that I wasn't capable, I wasn't strong enough, wasn't smart enough, couldn't figure it out, that I just needed to let my goals go to the wayside up. You haven't created it in this amount of time, therefore you need to just let it go.
[00:08:40] But I held onto that as truth. It was like I started to adopt his views, his belief, his paradigm as my own. And that was not useful. It might have been true to him. Some of the things he said may have even sounded true. But a lot of times they were opinion, not fact.
[00:08:56] And even though something can be true doesn't mean that it's useful. I've got so many examples of that, of just how it's like. It does not matter if you want something, you can go after it and you can do it, you can achieve it. And it does not matter how many times you failed, how many mistakes you make along the way. It doesn't matter how long it takes you, you can figure this out. But we have to build that sense of conviction and commitment in ourselves. And that's really hard after toxic relationships. It's really hard after emotional abuse and people who tear you down in order to make themselves feel better.
[00:09:29] That's the work that I'm going to do with you, that's the work that I do with clients, is to help encourage and build you up, to help you build your self esteem and your confidence and your self trust and your belief. And you can borrow mine. There's going to be times when you borrow my belief, you borrow my confidence in you. But I'm also going to teach you how to build it into yourself so that you learn how to stand on your own feet. You learn how to go after what it is that you really want. You stand firm in that conviction of the future vision that you have for your life and know that it's possible.
[00:10:00] And there will inevitably be curb falls, there will inevitably be circumstances out of your control that you weren't expecting.
[00:10:07] And it's the decision to not make that a problem that has been one of the greatest skills and one of the greatest gifts is looking at things. And instead of choosing to get worked up and anxious and to fall back into scarcity and fear and old patterns to decide this is not a problem, I can figure this out. And to have people, a community, a coach, somebody to help me through that process has always been so helpful. It's not just how it's transformed my life, but these are my gifts and my talents. These are my God given gifts that I now get to use with other people to help them see things that they can't. And I've had to do a lot of work to expand my emotional capacity to trust my intuition. And so there's a lot of things that I then get to teach and I can teach you how to do as well.
[00:10:54] This is an easy time right now. Towards the end of February, heading into March, looking ahead at like spring break and spring coming and summer vacations, it can be easy to feel like you're already off track, that you should have figured this out by now. Screw it, I've already blown my diet. There goes the month. And really we get to decide what we want to do with the facts. We get to decide what they mean. We get to decide not to use stuff against ourselves.
[00:11:20] And we get to decide that just because it's true doesn't mean we have to keep telling ourselves.
[00:11:25] So what if it's true? Let's go out there and make a new reality. Let's go out there and make a new truth. Create new evidence for your brain as to how the opposite now is true.
[00:11:36] That's what you get to do.
[00:11:38] So if you would like to work with me, I have three spots open through the end of March. And if this is something that you want, if you want me in your corner to coach you, to work with you, to help you, where you can borrow my belief, you can borrow my thoughts, you can borrow my emotional steadiness, but I'm also going to help teach you how to do that for yourself. So that you can make any goal inevitable. So that you can create more of what you want in every part of life.
[00:12:06] So that you can truly navigate the emotional eating and the binge eating, learn to decode it. And learn how to make food more neutral.
[00:12:14] How to not feel at the mercy of your cravings and your urges to feel at peace and at ease around food. To know that you can plan one drink and you can stop at 1 to plan 2 cookies and you can stop at 2 to be the person who follows through on their dreams, their commitments, their goals, who follows through on the simple plans that they set for themselves during the day.
[00:12:37] Learning how to rebuild that self trust and to have your own back. Who doesn't criticize and nitpick and shame and look at all the flaws, but instead chooses what to focus your time and attention on. What you do like about yourself, what you are doing better and getting better at.
[00:12:54] This is possible for you too.
[00:12:57] So if you would like one of these three spots, your next best step is to schedule a free consultation. You can find a day and time on my
[email protected] forward slash, schedule.
[00:13:08] And for the next three people who sign up with me, there's going to be a special bonus just for you. It's gonna be so fun if this is speaking to you. If you feel that call, that nudge, that desire, I invite you to lean in.
[00:13:23] This is your one life, your one precious life.
[00:13:28] Let's not just focus on achieving new things and achieving goals.
[00:13:32] Let's change your experience of how you pursue it, how you achieve it.
[00:13:38] Help you to create a life that's so good, it lights you up inside. A life that's so good. You have so much joy and pleasure and fun and adventure and love in your life. You don't need to seek it in food or alcohol or running into the arms of another person.
[00:13:53] You don't need it from a dating app or how busy your schedule is or tying it to anything else.
[00:14:00] It's just stepping into a life that can feel amazing and have peace and confidence that it's not going anywhere, that it's going to stay, and that no matter what comes your way, you'll figure it out.
[00:14:13] All right? I'm going to keep this one super short. I will be back next week with another episode talking again, more about confidence and how do we really reclaim our confidence because this is a big one. All right y', all, here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:14:34] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step?
[00:14:43] Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
[00:14:54] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyucrave.com BTC.
[00:15:09] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you.
