[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back.
[00:00:25] Today we are diving into the topic of overcoming impatience. So as I'm recording it, it is the very last day of February, it's the 28th, and I have finally hit a goal that I've been working towards and trying to hit for the last four years. There have been other goals leading up to this one over the time that I have hit, but In January of 2022, I set what felt like a very impossible goal and something that felt very wild and crazy and also fun and exciting, but quite terrifying.
[00:00:58] And I think that's often what many of our goals are, especially when it comes to weight loss or to stop emotionally eating or binge eating or even to date and to find a healthy new partner. We can have these goals and these desires, and yet it's also scary to think about. And there's a lot of transformation that happens as we're on the way to creating that, as we're on the way to achieving it. What's been really interesting to see as how I've set some smaller goals and I've hit them at different times, but I also had a lot of fear around, can I keep this going? Can I recreate this again next month? Can I do this again? And it often came out as well. This was probably a fluke. I don't think I can create this again. I don't think I can do this again. I don't think I can maintain it. Right. So it would be like, I can lose five pounds, but I don't think I can do it again.
[00:01:46] I don't think I can maintain the weight loss. And it just felt very wobbly, I would say my confidence. I battled self doubt at different times, and I've had times where I've been very confident, very much in momentum and in my power, in my energy. But I've also had to overcome a lot of doubt and a lot of doubting voices from other people, especially loved ones, people that I really cared about and really loved, at least at one point, as I think back on this month. So February marks the first time hitting and achieving this goal in four years. Okay, it took me four years.
[00:02:24] However, the really cool thing about this is, number one, I'm not worried and afraid about doing it again. I know that I will. I know that I'll be able to maintain this result. I know that I'll be able to keep going. I know that I'll just continue to get better and better. And so that is huge. That is a massive shift from where I've been in the past.
[00:02:44] And number two, what was really interesting is when I started the year, I really surrendered and released the timeline. And I've been close to hitting this goal multiple times in the past. Throughout 23 into 24, 25, there have been multiple times that I have gotten so close, and then even in January, so close to hitting the goal. But I didn't. And I was very much okay with that. I was like, this is not a problem. Eventually I will hit it at some point this year, I will hit it at some point. I will achieve some of these bigger goals and desires that I have for my life and my business.
[00:03:17] This is just not a problem. Like, I really was able to release the urgency and needing to do it now. I got halfway through February and I was like, oh, my gosh, I might actually hit this goal. But I was also very okay if it didn't happen. And so a couple days ago, I was just looking at things again, and I was like, you know what? It's okay. I'm just going to plan on not hitting it. Got really close again. That's awesome. I'll try again in March. I'll try again later. I was so detached from needing it to come this month, and then it did.
[00:03:47] And that is one of those kind of great ironies is being committed towards a goal, working towards it, yet also detached. So I don't need this to mean anything about me. I don't need this to make myself better or make my life better or happier. And the other thing, too, is, like, I've achieved this great goal that I've had for four years now. And while I feel very proud of myself, I'm extremely proud and grateful that I didn't give up, because there were many times I could have given up. I probably could have given up 100 times in the last four years easily. And instead, I chose to keep going. I chose to break through. I chose not to give up on myself. I chose to keep getting coached and to find groups and communities and to put myself in the room where I was challenging myself and I was challenging my mindset and my capacity and what I could do.
[00:04:38] And I also recognized that there was nothing super unique and special about today.
[00:04:44] I think one thing that's really Cool is I hit it on the very last day of the month and I think this is just such a great reminder to run through the finish. And this is something that I say often when I'm teaching body pump is we're going to finish this track strong. We are going to run through the finish line. It's the last 30 seconds. We don't give up, we don't back down, not now.
[00:05:05] And I think about that too. And so many of the ways that I have really blown my own mind over the last few years is having that commitment and that grit and that determination and deciding I am going to run through the finish line even if I don't achieve my goal, even if it takes me a little bit longer and I decide like this is what I'm doing. And so it was deciding I'm going to keep moving forward. But it wasn't force, it wasn't pressure, there was no panic, there was no urgency. It was also very much, I'm okay if I don't hit it because I'll get it next month, I'll get it later, I'll get it later in the year. And it's as long as I'm even close to my goal, it's going to be amazing, right? Just being close to my goal on a monthly basis is mind blowing. And so to have that sense of like peace and confidence and self trust, I think that's what this really comes down to is when we are impatient, it's because we don't trust ourselves, we don't trust the process and what we're doing. And maybe it's that we don't feel like we can keep it up.
[00:06:05] There's this aspect of we don't trust ourselves to overcome obstacles, we don't trust results to keep happening. But I want you to imagine that you set a goal to lose five pounds per month, right? Let's just average it's around one pound per week. So let's say it's five pounds per month. And let's say you spend the entire year losing three pounds, three. And sometimes it's three and a half, maybe it's two pounds, then maybe some months it's four pounds. But you never hit five pounds.
[00:06:33] It, it's like in the grand scheme of things it doesn't. You are so close to that goal anyways. You're still losing weight, you're building consistency. If you're. As long as you're doing it in a way where you can maintain it and you can keep it off long term, this is not a problem.
[00:06:48] And so it's looking at it from that lens of, okay, maybe I don't hit the exact goal that I wanted to this year, but I'm still so close to it. I'm still like, I, it. Whether it takes me a year or 15 months to hit it, it's like an extra three months, not a big deal. Right. So it's really just learning how to recognize and to see the things, the thoughts, the emotions, the circumstance of what truly gets in our way.
[00:07:16] And one of the things that can come up is our kind of flirting with the idea of quitting and the little quits and the times when it's not a priority and we put it on the back burner. And sometimes those little quits happen because we have a lot of shame over not hitting a goal or we have shame around. I thought I would be further along by now. And instead of being able to look at it and reflect and actually evaluate and look at, okay, what was working, what's not working, how do I show up and ask for more of what I want? Because I'll tell you, I worked with a private coach for most of this time.
[00:07:49] I would say about three and a half of the four years I was working with a private one on one coach. And there were a lot of times I had to show up very vulnerably of, here's where I'm not showing up. Here's where I'm getting stuck and frustrated. Here's where I'm off at myself because it seems like the same thing keeps coming up. Here's where I still don't feel like I'm in control. Here's where I still feel powerless over and over again. And it was that willingness, though, and that commitment to show up, to put the shame to the side and to show myself so much love and so much compassion to be able to get the coaching that I needed to get, get the help, to get the support, to reach out for that support when I needed the extra boost. The willingness to say last year when I was feeling really depressed, acknowledging that and being willing to share that. And my life coach was the person that I shared that with first. I could barely admit it to myself. And it was with her that I finally felt like, I have to say this, I have to say it out loud because it keeps nagging at me.
[00:08:46] And it was through that recognition and allowance of what was there and like to stop fighting it, to stop resisting it, that allowed me to move through it. There have been a lot of hard times the last four years.
[00:08:57] So the goal that I've now hit, it wasn't always front and center of my mind. In this four years I was moving across the country to a new state where I didn't know anybody, brand new state, brand new city. I was getting divorced, I was moving out and living on my own, paying all my own bills for the first time ever and then becoming responsible to create the money to pay all of my own bills on my own and not be reliant on a job or an employer or a standard weekly or bi weekly paycheck. There was a lot of panic and frustration and urgency and even just questioning some real soul searching questioning and conversations with God around. Is this what I'm meant to do? Is this where I should be? And really this re surrendering of not my will, God, but yours. And I believe that this is the path that you have me on. So I'm going to keep walking, I'm going to keep moving forward, I'm going to stop questioning, stop doubting and I'm just going to move forward and I'm going to trust that if you want me somewhere else, you will make it abundantly clear. Because in the past he has. And so there was a lot of peace with that. But there were so many times I could have quit. I'm sure there were little quits along the way, but there were so many times I could have just thrown in the towel completely and decided it's not working.
[00:10:18] I gave it enough time, it's not happening. And it's really fascinating because in 2020, my ex, this is when I was still married, we moved from D.C. to Arizona. So we move across the country again, don't know anybody and I now have the opportunity to be full time in my business. So actually this was the end of 2019 and then all of 2020, I was like, sweet, I have this year to really grow my business and to make this work. And I was so excited.
[00:10:46] And then the world shut down and I got pregnant and I had really bad pregnancy sickness, not just morning sickness, but feeling really sick that first trimester and then it getting progressively better little by little.
[00:10:58] But I still really struggled to get things going and to get things moving. At the time my ex had said, okay, you gave it a year, you didn't hit your goals, you have not made this sustainable, you're really not making any money so you should just give it up. And it was very much just this. You've had your chance, you gave it a good shot, but now you need to Let this dream go. You need to let this desire go. You need to just give up on this. It's not going to happen was basically what he was saying. I had about six months of maternity leave. I really enjoyed being with Caleb and spending so much time when he was little. And it really wasn't until almost the summer of 21 that I really got back into things. And then it was just like very much tiptoeing, floundering my way through. And so when I hired my business coach In December of 21, we really started in January of 22. That's when I had, like, really set this goal. And even though it had been on my mind for a long time, even years prior to that, but it's just ironic that it was that hiring of the coach and I did it secretly, but it was that that really sparked the beginning of the divorce, like the beginning of the end of my marriage. And it was really good for me to see because I recognized how much I relied on his thoughts and his belief and how much I kept trying to prove to him that what I was doing was good and impactful and meaningful and sustainable.
[00:12:20] And this is where I let him get in my head for a long time, and I let his words become my thoughts. And I had to consciously choose over and over again to believe new thoughts, to believe better, to believe that something new was possible, to not give up on myself. And here's the thing. When you take quitting off the table, you can take impatience off the table. Because I knew I'm here for the long haul. I'm in this no matter what. This is where I'm going. This is what I want for my life. This is where I feel God has called me and he's led me, and this is the direction that I'm moving.
[00:12:57] And so with that confidence and that core conviction, I also knew I have to enjoy the journey. I have to figure out how I can enjoy this process and enjoy being in the hard, Enjoy being in the building and the creating and the achieving, like, the experience of achieving a goal. And this is really important, especially when it comes to divorce or dating or weight loss or things around emotional eating and binge eating. It's really learning how to create the life that you love and a life that you. Where you can enjoy the process of losing weight, you can enjoy learning from your emotional eating or emotional drinking habit. There's so much that we have that we can learn from and we can grow from. And when we are focused on creating a life that we love and we enjoy, and that lights us up. It's like that's what helps us detach from the goal. I don't need the goal and the achievement of it to make me happy. I learn how to be happy here and now in this body. With these habits, we can set so much of our worthiness and how good we feel about ourselves, and we can attach it to so many things. And the number one key is that we learn how to detach that from these external aspects.
[00:14:10] And part of that is what allows us to enjoy the journey. I can enjoy the process. I can enjoy creating and the achieving of a goal because I'm creating a life that I actually like and I love. And I'm learning how to talk differently and think differently about myself and about my goals, about the progress that I'm making, to be able to focus on how far I've come, the gains that I've made, the progress that I've made, and not just focus on the gap or how I'm still not there yet, or how it's been two years now, three years now, four years, and I still haven't created this. My thought process, my mindset, my energy coming into this year was very much solid, confident, convicted in what I was doing.
[00:14:53] And also a willingness to try new things, a willingness to get uncomfortable, a willingness to do things differently, and having a really hard conversation with myself, too, around. Okay. If I look back over the last couple of years, I've grown. My business has grown. I've evolved in so many ways and also not to the extent that I would want.
[00:15:13] So if I want bigger, better, faster results, I'm going to have to do things different. I've got to shake things up. I've got to change some stuff. I can't keep expecting the same things, to keep working and create some quantum leaps. Like, I'm going to have to get out of my comfort zone and recognize the way that my nervous system gets activated when I feel nervous or anxious or when there's the fear of embarrassment or the fear of criticism.
[00:15:38] It's like being a magnet. My views and my opinions and how I see the world, it's going to draw and magnetize people in, but it will also repel.
[00:15:46] And it is very easy for people to be mean and nasty on the Internet. And there's some fear around that because I know that's unavoidable. But there's also a willingness of. I'm willing to feel anything as I'm on this journey and as I'm moving forward.
[00:16:01] And that's one of the things is that no matter what your goal is, you have to be willing to feel any emotion as long as it takes. And when we can release our attachment to the timeline when we are now, it's like it can take as long as it needs to. That's how I feel about emotions. It's like when we are willing to let it take as long as it needs, that emotion can be there with us as long as it needs to be there. That's what helps us to create more patience, to overcome the impatience and to create more of what we want, to expand our capacity to feel and to expand our capacity to achieve new things and to achieve new results.
[00:16:39] But so often we need help, we need support. This is why I believe so much in coaching. This is why I do. What I do is because we need somebody on the outside who can reflect back to us and help us to see the gaps, the thought errors, what's actually getting in the way. Because we can't solve a problem with a mind that created it. Our brains are really good at thinking about worst case scenarios, thinking about the problems, creating problems for us.
[00:17:07] And especially when we've been through a lot of trauma, a lot of relationship trauma, childhood trauma. It's really easy for our thought process and our belief and our self confidence and how powerful we feel in different situations to get really tainted. We just don't go into it with the right view and the right perspective and that's okay. This is the hand that we were dealt, these are the cards that we were dealt. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's releasing that timeline, releasing the urgency, releasing the need for it. And it's being willing to hold space for the sadness, the disappointment, the frustration, the longing, the wanting to be further along and to know this is where I am is here and now. So what am I gonna do about it? And it's not just how fast can I lose weight now? It has to be guarding your energy, really protecting your mindset and looking at, okay, what is realistic, what is sustainable, what is feasible for me, what have been the parts of my life or the parts of my habits that I've been unwilling to look at, what have been the parts of my emotional eating or my overeating that I've been unwilling to look at or unwilling to address, or I've wanted to hide from. I wanted to hope they would just magically change or magically improve.
[00:18:23] It's really interesting as I think about dating too, because last year I started dating more consciously in middle of August. And so I signed up for 90 days on Bumble. And I got to the end of October, and at that point, been on a couple dates with one guy, but I still just felt like, ugh, just not quite the right fit. And so I was feeling a little discouraged and a little bummed out. And I was like, you know what? That's okay. I probably won't meet anybody before the end of the year. That's fine. I'm going to take a little break and I'll start over again next year. And then, I swear, like a week or two later, I met who is now my boyfriend.
[00:18:55] He messaged me. And this was very early on in his dating adventures or his adventures on Bumblebee. And it was from that first conversation. And I knew, and I was like, oh, my gosh, he's great.
[00:19:06] And I've been very. I would say I've been cautiously optimistic, but I was getting to the point where I was like, okay, I just might not meet anybody. And that's all right. And when I got there, it was like, when I didn't need to meet somebody is when I did. That's how it goes for so many of our goals is. It's that releasing of the attachment to the goal, and it's knowing that I can love my life being single, even if it was through the holidays and into this next year. And it has just been a pleasant surprise that I've gotten to do it with him the last couple of months. This is what happens when we build this momentum, when we go through these hard times, when we choose to overcome and to break through. Instead of quitting on ourselves, we keep moving forward. And it's what creates the momentum in every area of life to where it's just this snowball compounding effect of everything. It's been super fun. So I wanted to jump on here today. And this is a slightly different episode than I was planning to record.
[00:20:04] But I think this is really important to recognize. And I know for me, with my human design as well, one of my core four gates is around this concept of patience and timelessness.
[00:20:18] Impatience is really the shadow. And this has been on my unconscious side, on my design side. And so it's been something that I've started to recognize and become more aware of just how impatient I have been and how that has had me getting into relationships or spending money or making moves, making decisions. But it's been done from that place of impatience.
[00:20:41] And I don't have to fault myself. I don't have to shame myself for it. I can truly recognize that was my lesson. That's what I needed to learn. And now that I've brought more awareness to it, now I've learned how to overcome it for myself, I now can help other people overcome it in such a better way as well.
[00:20:58] So if you found that you are hungry for love, you are hungry to achieve new goals, you are hungry for a life and a body that you truly crave, then I would love to help.
[00:21:11] So number one, to learn more about working with me, you can schedule your free
[email protected] schedule of course, the link will be in the description and then I'm also hosting a spring reset workshop on March 21, 8am Pacific, 11am Eastern and it's called Right on Track. It's the Spring reset for those who are ready to build momentum.
[00:21:35] Because for many of us, January was survival. Maybe last year was survival, and now spring and this spring equinox. This is a time for activation.
[00:21:47] And when we are activated, that's when we can start to truly build the momentum that we want. So if you're ready to lose weight, stop emotionally eating, heal from past trauma, and build real momentum without putting your life on hold, then this is your reset. This is the workshop you're gonna wanna be at. So again, the link will be in the description as well. But join me for this 90 minute workshop where we'll be doing some coaching and Q and A and I'll be teaching. And really we're going to dive deeper into how to build and create the momentum that you really want. It doesn't matter how January and February went. It doesn't matter whether you feel like you're on track or you feel completely off track, or you feel like you're already behind.
[00:22:30] There's still so much of the year ahead of us and you can create big, powerful, mind blowing, amazing results for yourself as well.
[00:22:41] All right, that is it for today. I hope you have a fabulous day. Here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:22:52] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step?
[00:23:02] Book your free Break the cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
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[00:23:27] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you how.
