Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally, break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: Y' all ready?
[00:00:19] Speaker A: Let's go.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Hey. Hey. Welcome back.
Hello from frigid, cold, Antarctic, Alabama.
We got back yesterday and it was in the 70s most of last week in Monterey, California. And it was a lovely week, a lovely workcation, as I think of it, because I was also doing some work. I think that has been the beautiful part of what I have done and what I've intentionally created for myself with this business is I have for the last 10 years had this vision of having a laptop business, something where I can work from anywhere around the world and it doesn't matter where my location is and what else is going on. I can still fulfill obligations. I can still do client calls, I can still do marketing. I can still do things. I don't necessarily need paid time off. I can create the environment that I really want. And so what was really cool to see, this is a side tangent, but what was really fun to see was being able to put that into play and into practice and to see how I have been working towards something and now have created the environment and the structure to where that's possible. Even when I was married, it would have been very difficult to bring my work along when my ex was traveling and to bring the dogs and to bring the baby and like, it just was not feasible. And so there are things that are actually easier now because of the divorce. And it's odd. It's not how I originally planned or had painted the idea, had painted the picture in my head, but that was the vision from 2015, 2016, was to be able to travel anywhere, whether it was for a week or a month or a summer, and to still be able to work and to do things. Because that's the other part, is not wanting to feel behind, wanting to keep making progress, wanting to keep moving forward. And part of this is really about being intentional with what it is that you really want, what it is that you really desire, and being willing to create intentionally the life that you want, the life that you crave.
And that's what this is all about. That's what my work is all about. It's, yes, let's create the body. Let's reclaim and redefine your body and your self worth and your self image and all of these aspects about you. And let's Also really focus on this life as a whole and what is the life that you want to be living. Sometimes it does take us some time to build that. It does take years in order to fully put something into place and into this process of being able to do that. Because I wouldn't be able to go and take a workcation with my boyfriend who was in Monterey for a conference, I wouldn't be able to go with him and be able to work and do what I wanted if my son and the dogs weren't being taken care of by my ex husband. So there are ways. And he and I were talking about how it's actually going to be a lot easier for us to be able to prioritize time together and little trips together. Big trips, little trips. But just to be able to keep that intimacy there throughout a longer relationship. Because it's not that we need a grandparent to come in and watch the kids. And so it's really looking at what are the resources, what are the things that you have available to use, how to start living out your future vision now and also not be afraid of having this vision of what you want and knowing it might take some time to build and it might take some time to get there. And when I had this vision in my mind in 2016, I definitely did not think it was going to take me 10 years to create that. 10 years to build that. And it did. And that's okay. It was in a sense, detaching from that. It was almost like I forgot that's what I wanted to create. It just was under the surface. It wasn't something that I was focused on all the time. And yet it happened because I was taking action towards creating other things. And I think this is very much our relationship with the scale. When we can take our eyes off of the scale and put it onto living a life that you love. Of being intentional with habits, of listening for hunger, of stopping at satisfied, of drinking more water. When we can focus on just moving our body and creating these minimum baselines and feeling good in what we're doing. When we can create and find more joy and pleasure and fun and adventure and relaxation in other parts of our life, the less we need food to meet those emotional needs. We don't have to be so obsessed with the scale. And often we take our eye off the prize. We take our eye off of the scale. And that's when the scale starts to move again, which can feel very ironic and very frustrating, especially if you're now trying to cheat the system and not weigh. But you're still secretly concerned with what the scale says.
Yeah, we can't do that.
I know that too. And that's one of the things that comes up in various areas. And when I talk about that, like detachment from the timeline, creating goals and needing it to look a certain way. Right. There has to be true peace and acceptance with where you're at now. Thank you for indulging my little tangent here. My brain is firing. And also today I find myself highly unmotivated. And so I thought it was a perfect chance to just start riffing. And I'm feeling a lot of nopes today. Like my brain is just, nope, don't want to do that. Nope, don't want to do this. I'll be teaching a new body pump release tomorrow. And so as I was out on a walk, I also was thinking, like, oh, I should be practicing and reviewing some of the body pump music. And I did this yesterday. I did it over the vacation, over the trip last week. So I feel very comfortable with it, but it probably deserves a little review. And my brain was just like, nope, don't feel like doing that.
And so normally I give myself travel days and re entry days. And yesterday was a travel day. And typically it would have been. We traveled home on Sunday. Monday then becomes that re entry day and I can more or less hit the ground running on Tuesday.
And what I realized was like, I'm already across the country. Let's spend an extra day here with one of his friends, one of his best friends in San Francisco. So very intentionally choosing to do an extra day and also knowing this would impact the week a little bit. And I had high expectations, high hopes of how productive I was going to be today and how easy it would be to reenter, get into the groove of things. And today my brain is just, nope, you don't feel like it. Nope, don't want to.
And so this concept came up because this is part of having a human brain. We are not robots. We are not designed to work productively, efficiently, 40 hours a week. Most of us are not. There are some people who can. And this is where human design has really come into play for me and helped me to better understand myself and how my brain is wired. My energy, my ability to focus or like to feel, quote, productive.
And I know that I can have one or two quote, productive days during the week and that's it. If I have one, that becomes my baseline. Two is, I am fricking crushing it. It's a four to six hour day. It is smaller. It is not a full eight hours and it is definitely not every single day. This has been really helpful for me to see because it helps me to readjust my expectations of myself. Because the reality is we're not robots. We don't have endless energy and we do have emotions and we do have things that impact us. And we have human brains that are wired and designed to keep us safe, to keep us alive, to keep us seeking pleasure and avoiding pain via the path of least resistance. I've had some really great feedback on episode 184, why Big Goals can feel overwhelming and the workshop that I did there. So if you have not listened, go back and listen to that. It's so helpful. But there is one simple question that I find so powerful. If you feel unmotivated, if you feel overwhelmed, if you just don't want to, you just don't feel like doing it. No matter what, you can ask yourself this question.
Can I just.
In that blank is a minimum baseline.
Can I just.
So for me, this morning what it looks like is can I just take the dogs for a walk? Because I will typically walk them about a mile in the morning. I don't feel like going for a walk, really don't want to. Gets cold, it's sunny, but it just does not sound fun and enjoyable. So the first part is, can I just take the dogs for a walk? Check. That's done. And then I go for another walk. And then I decide, okay, can I just do one loop around the church parking lot which would get me to about a mile? Yep. Check. All right, can I just walk another 10 minutes?
Check. Okay, now can we just finish this workout?
Nope, don't want to do that. And that's okay. I don't have to keep. Can I. Adjusting myself into doing this big dreadful task. I start with the first minimum baseline and I let that be good enough. What I've decided and what I realized that my workout today is going to look like two to three smaller little workouts that are going to end up being the bigger thing. Instead of feeling the need to work out for six 60 minutes or do a five mile walk, I can break it down into smaller chunks and let that be good enough.
This is a really powerful question. As I am staring at my Christmas tree as I still have Christmas decorations out and I'm putting away ornaments. The first step is can I just box up the round ball ornaments that have a holder that have something to go in? Can I just box up these one type of ornaments and then it's can I just get all of the other ornaments off the tree and back in their boxes? So it's not even can I take down all of the Christmas stuff or can I do this big thing? It's can I just do this one small, simple task? And if I feel like going on and doing more, I can. There's permission, there's freedom. Sometimes we build momentum that way, but sometimes it's a no and we're gonna stop rather than looking at how to make something harder or I think just being humans, we're really good at overcomplicating things. And so while I want to start or really reinvigorate my YouTube channel, I have not been very active on it. But that's a place and a platform that I'm going to grow and show up more this year. That can also be a stopping point for me wanting to record episodes. And so it's like, well, until I have this studio set up and until I have X, Y and Z and everything ready for YouTube, I can't record a podcast. And it's like, no, actually I can.
Let's just record the podcast. Can I just record the podcast and now put in my schedule when I'm going to do these other aspects and other pieces for YouTube?
And it's meeting yourself where you're at with the goals that you want to pursue, knowing that this is all going to build and help you to achieve the goals that you really want to create.
So the way that I see this, with food or with planning, it's like, can I just plan one meal today?
Can I just focus on making a healthy dinner this week?
For lunch today it was like, all right, I'm hungry, I'm ready for some food. Can I just have a cup of veggie soup and a leftover piece of pizza? I make that baseline super easy, super simple. From there it's like, all right, now I know that I need to go to grocery shopping. I know that I need to go get other things. But at least for now, I'm at a place where this works. This is enough.
I can work with what I have now. And part of what I like to do before I leave on a trip is to set things up to where it's easier to get back in to things coming home. And so I already had stuff in the freezer. I bought jars of soup and I bought more non perishable things. So I need some veggies and fresh fruit and stuff like that. But I already have certain aspects already set up already aligned. Like we're good to go there.
And the other thing that I'll do sometimes is a grocery pickup order, and I'll create the order and just schedule it ahead. So whether it's in my cart and it's waiting for me just to pick the day and time, I will typically do that. And then I go pick up groceries either the night that I get in, the night that I get home, or most often it's the next day just because it's a little bit easier. But then I readjust my expectations. And so now it's okay, can I just unpack my little suitcase? And then once that's done, it's okay, can I just take out the toiletry items and what I need for the bathroom from my big suitcase? I'm working myself through these bigger projects, these bigger tasks in a smaller, simpler way where I'm still making progress, but I'm not letting myself stay overwhelmed.
Another one that I like. If I'm overeating or emotional eating, one of the questions that I would ask is, can I just have three more bites and then I'm done.
Can I just stop at one more bite?
This concept of can I just can get you really far. And you will find that momentum will come back. It's not that you will be here forever. And I think that's the fear is we're afraid of letting the small stuff be good enough because we're afraid of staying there indefinitely, and we feel like that'll take me forever to hit my goals. So we really have to let the small, simple baseline be good enough and trust that 1% improvements will compound.
Even if you just got 1% better day after day, that is enough to get you where you want to go when it comes to emotional eating or binge eating. If you notice it and catch it before you start eating, then it can be, can I just pause for two minutes and check in with my body?
Can I just wait 30 minutes before going back for seconds?
Can I just journal for two minutes about my day before I pour that glass of wine?
It's really looking at, okay, what is it that I want? And it's not making what you want bad or off limits. It's allowing yourself that. It's giving yourself permission and saying, this is okay, but we've got to start learning from it. And this is how we do it. We don't do it in these big grand strokes. We do it one step at a time, one urge at a time, one meal at a time, one snack at a time.
We do it in steps, baby steps, micro steps.
And then you also give yourself permission to focus on what's worth it. What are the activities, what are the habits, what are the foods, what are the drinks, what are the things that are actually worth it to you? If it's not an 8 out of 10 or better, can you let it go?
And as I was talking with some people at the conference, I got to go to some of the socials in the evening. That was super fun, just to interact with my boyfriend more and his work and his environment and some new people that they were bringing into the field where they'll be going overseas. Felt like I actually had a lot of great experience to contribute, even though I hadn't done this with him and we didn't have that experience. I also have spent enough time overseas and in the kind of embassy communities and even from a nonprofit standpoint of not being attached to an embassy and how challenging that could be. But I was talking with one of the incoming guys and I told them, I was like, an 80:20 ratio is amazing. Expect that there's going to be 20% of your job. That's going to be hard, it's going to suck. You're not going to want to do it, but if you can get it to just be 20%, and 80% of the time, you love it. You feel fulfilled, you're lit up, you're excited, it's great, it's smooth, you're motivated. That is an amazing ratio to be at. I think you've really found the right job, the right fit, the right location. It's like when you've got those all in alignment in that ratio where it's 80% is great, but 20% is going to be hard. Go in expecting that, don't expect it to be 100%.
And sometimes there's even a little bit of wiggle room. Like some places it might be 70, 30, some places, some locations might be really difficult, really challenging places to live. And that's okay. It's knowing that this won't last forever and what can I enjoy, what can I find that can benefit me and how I can grow here. One of the things that I was commenting on about difficult locations in terms of great places to live, sometimes it's not just about where you're at. And I know that was one of the fears, especially from some of the people who had never lived abroad before, was, what if I go to a country that I don't love or that I hate or It's a really difficult assignment, a difficult Post and I reinforced and reminded people of it's not just about where you're at day to day. Yes, we want to learn to accept and make peace with where we're at, potentially get to the place where we can truly enjoy it. But don't discount the fact that you could have some really amazing travel opportunities. And so my time in Dhaka, Bangladesh was really hard. It was really challenging to live in that country and I was lucky enough and I'm so grateful that I was able to get out and leave about once a quarter. It was like every three months. You needed a mental sanity time to get out of the country and to leave and go someplace else. So I went to Thailand four times. I went to Bali, Malaysia, Indonesia, Australia. I got to enjoy so many travel opportunities because I was living in that location. And it was really hard, it was really challenging.
But I had this other side benefit of it was so easy to travel and to go here. So there are a variety of ways that we can reframe things in our mind, right? If you're going through divorce or maybe you're post divorce, life feels really challenging or certain aspects feel really hard, really challenging. And it's like making peace with that, letting that be okay. Looking for where can I find and create my joy so that I'm not looking for it in food and having those days or those weeks and maybe sometimes it's even months where you recognize I am not a fricking robot and I need time to withdraw. I need time to pull back. I need time to allow my feelings and to process through. And here's how we don't lose total momentum. Here's how we don't just say, eff it, screw it. And we throw everything out the window and just decide we're not doing anything. That is often the alternative is we get into these all or nothing dichotomies and we give ourself no option, no room for it. Instead, I want to challenge you and encourage you to ask this question of can I just. And then insert that baseline. So now that I've done half of my workout today, the next question later on this afternoon around 2:00', clock, might be, Can I just walk one mile? Can I just do one loop around the parking lot? Give yourself options. Give yourself permission. The other thing that I'll do sometimes, because I live in an area where a grocery store is not that far away, sometimes it's okay, can I just walk to the grocery store? And now I can only carry so much, but that's okay. I only Need a few simple items. It's finding what's going to work for you that day and fit within that. Another one that I like when it comes to food or alcohol, especially if you're like, okay, I'm a little bit hungry, maybe it's, can I just drink 8 ounces of water? Can I just drink another glass of water? And then I can eat and then I can have a cocktail and then I can go do this.
Give yourself flexibility.
This is where nothing is bad or off limits, but we're learning how to put our own internal limits, in a sense, on these aspects, on these pieces to where it's, I know I feel better when I am sleeping well, drinking enough water. I'm not sick and congested, which that was. The other fun part of last week was we both got sick. That was still challenging. And it was like, even in the midst of being sick and getting over this cold and this cough, I. I still found so much joy and so much fun and so much pleasure, and we had so many laughs and pictures, and it was just a really incredible, really amazing time. A very simple trip. And so giving yourself that permission, too, and maybe it's a, I really want to travel right now, and maybe big travel's not in the budget. Maybe it is a, can I just find a place for a weekend retreat? Can I just get away for two nights? Give yourself options. Give yourself flexibility.
I'm also looking at how can I make this fun, how can I make it enjoyable, how do I make it less overwhelming and give myself permission to not need to be going full steam ahead a hundred percent, right out the gate, coming right off of a trip, changing time zones, getting over illness, getting the dogs, and now my son back this week, like, really giving myself not just a day, but also a week, really looking at what does it look like to implement this throughout the week. And I promise, when you have the willingness to slow down, you will ultimately speed yourself up. It will get better, it will get easier, and you will find that momentum. It will come back. The desire, the motivation, the momentum, it will come back. But we have to first make peace with where we're at and not fight it. So just like I talked about in the workshop from episode 184, creating that minimum baseline, not a goal, not a reach or a stretch or anything like that, but just that minimum baseline. That question of can I just can be so pivotal in helping you to create that and define what feels like a small, simple 1% step, 1% improvement that I promise you will compound so if you would like some extra help and support, whether it's working with me one on one or in a small group, your next best step is to schedule a free clarity call. Because this is what I do with clients. It's not about coming in and you work with me and you have it all figured out. People come to work with me because they need help. They can't see beyond what they have the capacity and the knowledge for right now. And we are doing things that they have never done before in terms of trusting their bodies, listening to hunger and satiety cues, really processing through and creating processes that work for them to stop emotionally eating, to stop overeating. And I can help you too. So if you'd like to chat more, you can visit body you crave.com forward/schedule and I'll drop links in the description of the podcast as well, of course. But this is an opportunity for you to get really clear on where is it that you want to go and what is truly standing in your way. Even if this has been a goal of yours for a year or five years or 10 years, here's how we make it a reality now. Let's take it off of that bucket list, take it off of that pipe dream and actually put it into practice. Make it real.
You can do this, you can do hard things, and I'm going to help you to make this process easier.
What's going to feel hard and what's often the resistance is allowing emotions. It's processing through emotions, it's slowing down. Instead of that knee jerk gut instinct of I just want to feel better, I just need to feel better in this moment and I'm going to teach you how to do that in a simple, sustainable way that you'll be able to take and keep implementing forever for the rest of your life. This is a do it once, learn it once. I'm going to help you learn it to the full extent to truly implement and embody these habits so that they stay with you forever.
All right, that was good. That was fun. I think I stayed on track here too. That was nice, even without an outline. So thank you for joining me in this fireside chat with Jillian.
I hope you have a fabulous rest of your week. Here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:22:51] Speaker A: If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step book your free Break the cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyyoucrave.com VTC.
It's time to break the cycle.
[00:23:28] Speaker B: I'll show you how.
