[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back.
[00:00:26] All right, so we are going to piggyback off of episode 122 from January of 2025, which also, side note, if you have not noticed, I've gone through and updated the numbers for up until I think right around episode 100, I think I have everything numbered so it is easier to find. So I will still give dates and time frames just to make it a little bit easier. But episode 122 is Change Happens when you stop lying to yourself and start telling yourself the truth, even when the truth hurts. That's what that episode was all about, was how really we have to stop lying to ourself. We have to have so much love and compassion, but the honesty to be able to look at the truth and what that would mean for us, what would that mean about us? And so today we are going to talk about. Change happens when your conviction is greater than your fear.
[00:01:19] Because fear is a normal part of life. It's normal that we are going to have that when we are trying something new, when we're trying something for the first time, when we're trying to create results that we haven't done before, when we've tried something and failed many times and now we're trying to go again. It is normal for us to have fear. Like that is a part of how we are wired. And it is designed to help us pause. It's designed to stop us. And sometimes that is really beneficial. If we are about to walk out into oncoming traffic. We want our brains and our bodies to be wired, to stop and to question if this is a smart move.
[00:01:55] But sometimes it's more of the emotional pain. It's the internal beatdown that we've given ourselves. It's the shame that we're really afraid of. But what if this doesn't work? Then I'm going to feel disappointed. Then I'm going to feel bad about myself. It's not that there won't ever be fear. And if we are waiting to take action, we're waiting to try something new or do something for the first time. If we're waiting until there's no fear, we're never going to do it because there will always be fear. The key here, though, is that we want our conviction to be greater than our fear. And so when the fear is greater, that's when we're not taking the action, we're not pursuing that goal. If you think of it like a seesaw and the fear starts to decrease even just a little bit, to where there's more conviction in what you're doing, what's possible for you, what you can achieve, when that conviction is greater than you will then be able to take action and move forward.
[00:02:49] We have exactly 120 days left in 2025. While it sounds like a lot of time, it's about a third of the year, I also know it's going to go by so quickly, but you can still lose 25 pounds by the end of the year. We still have four months. You could easily lose 25 pounds while you're traveling, going on vacation, enjoying the holidays and Aunt Betty's famous green bean casserole.
[00:03:14] You're enjoying the holiday cookie swaps and cocktail parties and Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas morning brunch and all of your favorite family traditions and just experiences.
[00:03:25] But sometimes we block ourselves from what's possible because we're so caught up in the fear of missing out. Especially around the holidays. We're caught up in fear of, but what if I can't do it? What if this is just once again something else I'm going to fail at, really? We've been trained somewhat brainwashed into believing that we have to give up so much food and we have to give up fun social events in order to lose weight. And so of course we don't want to do that, right? But we hyper fixate on all the things we can't eat, we can't do, we can't have. And that's where our brain goes. It's, oh, you're trying to lose weight, life is going to suck versus this story, which I don't know that anybody else is sharing of. You can lose weight and enjoy your life. What if you could enjoy your life while losing weight? I think the people who are the most successful at losing weight and keeping it off, not just losing as much weight as fast as humanly possible, but losing it and being able to keep it off, they have really honed in on this skill of being able to enjoy their life as they were in the process of losing the weight. And now maintaining the weight becomes so much easier.
[00:04:30] And I'm a prime example of that. But it's not just me. I have many clients who do this because this old system of you have to give up, you're going to have to miss out and you're going to have to say no. And you're going to have to avoid cookies and people who bake them and people who eat them and all the places around that sell the cookies. Cookies. We just get so focused on trying to avoid the, quote, bad foods that we hyper fixate on it. And that's what often drives our binging and our overeating and over desire. This is a very outdated system. It's something that we have got to change. And really it's wild because I'm going to do another episode around diet trauma. And there is a study just after World War II where the men became hyper fixated on food. They would look at cookbooks like they would porn. There was this obsession with it, this emotional desire for it. And then when they started to allow the food to come back in, there was binging and gorging and they could not control themselves around it. Okay, this was a study done in the 40s.
[00:05:28] We have known this type of behavior exists for so long. We have known that it's not just about calories in, calories out, because when they increase the men's calorie level, they started to lose weight again. Because your body will decrease how much energy it's burning to try to find that equilibrium so that it doesn't die, so that you don't literally starve yourself to death. So we've known for a long time, and I think recently there's been more talk around blood sugar levels and regulating blood sugar. But there are just so many different diets, there's so many different fads. It's an industry where I think so many people are just trying to make a buck and it becomes very cumbersome, very convoluted. And I want to help you break through all of that because it is much simpler than we make it out to be. And part of that is also coming to terms with ourselves of like, we've made it hard on ourselves on our own. And that can feel defeating and frustrating. But when I am the problem, I get to be the solution. And if the solution now is easy, why not just let it be easy now? You've got to have some grace and compassion with yourself. But there has to be this internal shift, internal movement that is the only way you are going to create the external action and to be able to do it consistently.
[00:06:42] So your conviction has got to be greater than the fear. The fear of missing out, the fear of getting it wrong, the fear of failing yet again. And it's this conviction that I'm going to figure it out come hell or high water. I don't care what gets thrown in my way. I don't care how long it takes. I will figure this out. It is that level of deep conviction and knowing that you are on the path. There's always going to be the fear and the fear of success sometimes like the potential negative repercussions of losing weight, which logically on the outside doesn't make any sense. But that's why we often self sabotage. It's because there is something not safe about losing the weight. And that's what we have to work through as well. We really need to get our brains and our nervous system on board with losing weight, not just trying to manhandle and manipulate our bodies into a certain size. It's normal to have the fear, it's normal to have the hesitation. It's normal that's going to be there. And when your conviction is stronger, when it outweighs the fear, that's when incredible things can happen. And this is what happened for me in 2017 when there came a day when I was like, I'm gonna figure this out. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care how many programs I try that don't work. I don't care how much money it costs. I don't care how long I'm gonna have to save up to buy the next program. I don't care. I am going to figure out why I keep overeating every single day and how to stop because I haven't done this my entire life and this just doesn't feel normal. Not everybody does this. There was just this deep conviction of I'm going to figure it out and I'm not stopping until I do.
[00:08:16] And when we have that same level of conviction, when giving up is not an option, we follow through. We come at it with such different energy and that's part of what make us successful.
[00:08:28] I also think about divorce from this standpoint. There was such strong conviction in there is no other option. Divorce is the only next step for us because there was a lot of fear. And it was very normal that there was fear and hesitation and uncertainty. And for a while I really debated that. But there was this deep conviction, this deep knowing of this is not meant for me. I am not supposed to be here. He is not supposed to be with me. There is a better fit for both of us.
[00:08:55] And it wasn't until that conviction was stronger than the fear and the uncertainty of the future that I was able to take action on it. And I don't blame myself. I don't shame myself for any of that. I know that it took some time to get to that point. It took a lot of back and forth and debating and wishing, hoping, praying that things would change, he would change.
[00:09:17] And when I finally got to that level of peace and acceptance of this is where I'm at, and I'm not gonna try to keep asking him or convincing him he needs to change or he should change, he doesn't want to, and I need to stop trying to change him because I also know he was trying to change me. He wanted me to be somebody that I wasn't, that I didn't wanna be. And there's nothing wrong with that. We can just look at things as we now just aren't in alignment on so many issues and aspects. It just would not have been healthy to stay in a relationship in a dynamic like that.
[00:09:49] And for most people, listening, when you've been in situations like this, maybe it's been in moving, maybe it's been with a boss or a work environment, maybe it's been in a relationship, maybe it's a breakup or something like divorce, right? It's when that conviction of this isn't working, this isn't the right fit, this isn't what I want for myself, this isn't what I want for my kids.
[00:10:11] And letting that be good enough, that's when we take the action in face of the fear. Not because the fear has gone away, but because we have a deeper belief in ourselves and a hope in the future and the possibility that's coming.
[00:10:27] Last year, when I took a break from dating, I was very convicted that I needed some help.
[00:10:32] I didn't know how, I didn't know exactly what it looked like, but I realized I came to this, like, rock bottom moment where I was like, oh, my gosh, I have got to figure this out. I am determined to figure this out. I am determined to heal my relationship with myself, with men, with dating, with these emotional aspects and reasons why I keep looking for men to meet my needs.
[00:10:53] And I was so committed to meeting them and learning how to meet them for myself and noticing all the emotions that tend to come up. I also felt like there was this strong conviction that was greater than my fear in various moves.
[00:11:08] So moving from D.C. back to California after college, there was a conviction of, it's time to go, this is where I need to be. There was a conviction once I got to California that I was not yet supposed to go to Bangladesh.
[00:11:21] Then almost exactly to the day, a year later, I was like, all right, it's time to go. There was a strong conviction, and within two weeks, I'm on a plane flying across the world. It happened so quickly because there was such conviction of this is the right next step.
[00:11:37] It's fascinating, too, because I get in the country, and now the State Department's on a hiring freeze, and I don't even have the job that I went for. And now I'm kind of like, what the hell, God?
[00:11:46] I laugh at that sometimes, though, because there have been multiple times where I've questioned that. I've wondered that, God, what are you doing?
[00:11:54] And I know time and time again, he has a better plan. He has a bigger plan that I could ever know. But I had to go. I had to be there when the State Department was on a hiring freeze because that's what would give me the opportunity to start a business. And that's what's put me on this path to entrepreneurship. That is what has set me up to be a life coach and to help other people with this. Could I have gotten here another way? Sure. But things had to unfold in a certain way and at the right time. And there was so much conviction in some of these decisions. Even though they felt scary, there was uncertainty there. And when I got in the country and had no job and really, I had nothing to go home to.
[00:12:35] So I was like, all right, there's some fear in staying here, but I'm just gonna stay put, Lord, until you tell me to move, until you tell me otherwise and figure it out. And God will always give us answers. And I think that time was maybe two months. I don't even think it was more than two months. It was a fairly short amount of time before I realized, oh, I'm gonna start a bakery. I'm gonna start this cake business.
[00:12:57] It felt like an eternity, though. It felt so long, but it really wasn't. It was such a short amount of time. And we can look at it in hindsight like that and see that. But sometimes what happens is we just sit on the fence of desire. We have the desire, but maybe not the belief we have the desire, but maybe the unwillingness or just the unwanting, like the not wanting to feel certain emotions. Anytime we go to pursue a new goal, anytime we go to do something for the first time, anytime we go to pursue something that we've failed before and we're trying again, we really have to work on not just having a Desire for the end result, but this belief in ourselves that we can get there, we have to tap into that conviction of, I will figure this out.
[00:13:43] And when I jump off this fence of desire, because I have the desire, but I'm not moving yet. It's not until I jump off the fence, but I land gently on the grass, I catch myself. I'm not jumping into some great abyss. I'm not jumping into this black hole, unknown void, right? It's. Nope, I can see exactly where I'm going.
[00:14:03] So we can hold space for the fear. We don't need to push the fear out. We don't need to pretend like it's not there. We don't need to wait until there is no fear. We also don't have to indulge in it and let our mind run amok and worry and get anxiety around the unknown and the things that we can't control.
[00:14:21] So we can hold space for that fear and doubt. We can hold so much love and compassion for ourselves and those younger parts of us that are scared. And when you learn how to soothe and comfort those parts of your brain that want to remind you of all the times you failed at weight loss, all the times you tried really hard not to emotionally eat or not to binge eat, you've got to soothe those little parts because they just want to keep bringing up all the ways in which this isn't going to work. And you have to consciously learn how to tell yourself a new story.
[00:14:50] And when you finally decide that where you're at right now just is not what you want for your life anymore, you transform, you rise up. You are like a phoenix rising from the ashes. And that is beautiful.
[00:15:04] Every hero's journey story, you've got your hero, right? And things start off fine. They're going on a quest, and then there's challenge, there's trials, there's tribulation, there's all of these obstacles and things that get in the way.
[00:15:17] And what we love about these types of stories, though, is that the hero overcomes them, the hero faces them, the hero goes through them. It's not that the path is this big green pasture where they just run through the finish.
[00:15:30] There are obstacles, there are challenges, but they address them, they face them, they work through them, they figure it out. They don't let those hold them back.
[00:15:40] And so if you're waiting for like a perfect time or the perfect circumstance, or when things are just going to magically feel easy and when you're not going to have any fear, you are going to be waiting your entire freaking life because it is never going to line up that way. You have to decide that you are ready now, that you are done living in a body that you hate. You are done binging and overeating every day. You are done settling for less than you are done letting somebody treat you like crap and thinking that it's enough.
[00:16:10] We have got to decide and be so strong and so convicted in this next step and know that you don't have to be perfect.
[00:16:18] Part of this conviction is knowing, I'm gonna make some mistakes and I'm gonna figure it out. I'm not gonna let that hold me back.
[00:16:25] There are gonna be some obstacles. There are gonna be some missteps. There might be some big failure along the way. When I look at dating post divorce, there's been one guy who's been really great.
[00:16:37] There was one guy that wasn't that bad.
[00:16:39] There was one guy where I'm like, oh, hot damn, that was a failure. But I learned so much from that failure. It was so painful. It was so horrible. And I learned so much from it. I have completely transformed from the inside out because of that experience.
[00:16:58] And when you know and you learn how to have your own back and you have the support of a coach, of a mentor, of maybe a therapist, when you've got that support, you are unstoppable.
[00:17:12] But you have to decide that nobody else can, nobody else can do this for you. There's always going to be a better time down the road. There's always going to be another excuse as to why you should wait. It's the beginning of September and kids are going back to school, and then it's busy. There's parent teacher conferences and then work, and then it's going to be Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas, and before you know it, four months has flown by.
[00:17:38] And I want you to imagine waking up on New year's day being £25 down, feeling so calm and confident and ease. You wake up and it's not, oh, hurry, I have to get in the gym. I have to start my diet. I need to throw out all the bad food in the house.
[00:17:53] You wake up and it's just another day.
[00:17:56] It's another day of you in your habits, doing your routine, following through, building consistency, enjoying family, enjoying a day off. And it feels easy and it feels fun and it's enjoyable.
[00:18:09] This is what I'm going to help you do. I want to help you heal from diet and relationship trauma so that you can stop turning to food to feel better. You can lose weight eating the food you love, and you'll maintain it. You'll maintain this new weight with ease.
[00:18:25] I'm going to help you create a life that lights you up and has you excited to start each day so that food is no longer the highlight of your day. You stop turning to food to feel better. That's how you're going to lose the £25 and you can do it in the next 120 days and do it in a way where you can maintain it easily.
[00:18:44] So here's what this looks like. The process is pretty simple. Number one, we need to simplify your weight loss and make it doable so that it's sustainable.
[00:18:52] What can you do for the rest of your life without hating your life? That becomes the baseline. That's how you're able to not just lose weight, but maintain it. Because you start and you meet yourself where you're at right now, and then you get 1% better. 1% better. Just a little bit. We don't freak out your nervous system. We don't activate the diet trauma and the bad diet ptsd. We really just take it small, simple steps and we let it compound, we let it build.
[00:19:18] And a big piece of this is going to be rewriting your diet rules. And I'm going to help you do that, and I'm going to help you find and create new ones that work for your lifestyle. For example, it might be something like, I'm going to eat a vegetable at lunch and dinner. Or it might be, I'm going to put my food onto a plate or a bowl instead of eating it straight out of the container. I'm going to eat sitting down. I'm not going to eat standing up in front of the pantry or in front of the fridge or in front of the freezer. That was another one of mine. We have to swap out our food rules so that instead of it being food is good or bad or off limits, our rules are more around, I enjoy my food, it's an 8 out of 10 or better or I'm not eating it. That's one of my favorite rules. Let's actually enjoy the food that we love and we can stop at satisfied. Number two, I'm going to help you end emotional eating so that food is no longer the primary source of joy in your life.
[00:20:10] We can enjoy our food. That's a great thing. But I don't want it to be the primary source of your joy. I'm going to teach you how to eat when you're hungry and stop when you're satisfied even when that meal or that ice cream or dessert tastes so good.
[00:20:25] And I'm going to give you tools to help make this simple and easier to follow.
[00:20:29] So often that's a big piece is we don't know how to implement all of these steps on our own necessarily. And that's why I give you extra support, extra tools, extra things, ways of looking at it, tactics to try, different perspectives to view this from. This is how we make it simpler and easier.
[00:20:47] And that becomes the foundation for emotional eating and healing that.
[00:20:51] And then we want to, number three, heal your trauma, both diet trauma and relationship trauma, so that you can break the dysfunctional patterns with food. And within yourself, it's learning how to better regulate your emotions and your nervous system without needing food, without needing wine, without needing some form to buffer. It's noticing and working through any anxiety or fear around eating certain food groups or weighing in every day or not weighing every day. And ultimately, I'm gonna help you create a life on purpose that's so good it blows your mind. You're gonna stop letting life just happen to you. We are done with that. I'm gonna help you intentionally create a life on purpose. I'm gonna help you design a life you love.
[00:21:33] And it's gonna be so good, so amazing, and it's gonna be perfect for you. Doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, it's about you. And this is what's gonna help you to be able to not just lose weight, but to keep it off, to have the life and the body you crave.
[00:21:49] I'm gonna help you build your self confidence, build your self belief, build that conviction.
[00:21:54] But I know for some of you listening, you have that conviction. You have decided something's gotta change, something's gotta give. You can't keep living like this. You can't keep eating like this. You don't want to. You want better for yourself, you want better for your kids, you want better for your spouse or that future spouse that you know is coming down the road.
[00:22:15] And I want to help you on this journey and on this path to make it fun, to make it enjoyable instead of this dreadful experience that we've made weight loss out to be.
[00:22:25] So if you'd like to learn more about working together and what that would look like, your next best step is to schedule a free consultation. And you can find a time on my
[email protected] forward slash schedule. And we'll talk for about an hour and really explore where you are now and where you want to be six months or a year from now and I want you to imagine waking up on New Year's Day and what if lose weight wasn't even on your resolutions list whatsoever?
[00:22:55] What if you lost weight the end of this year while still loving, enjoying your life and then next year you just get to maintain it and focus on other goals, other things that you want to do?
[00:23:08] How amazing would that be? To actually feel calm and confident and sexy in your own body, in your own skin. To truly love who you are. To not just love yourself because of how you look or how much you weigh, but to love you for you.
[00:23:24] Because you are a fucking badass.
[00:23:26] All right, that is it for today. Happy September. We are nearly to the fall. I'm so pumped. I love the fall season. It is my favorite and I will be back later this week with a special birthday podcast episode because it's my birthday again and I am turning the big four zero.
[00:23:44] There's a special birthday podcast coming out then, but until then, here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:23:56] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step?
[00:24:06] Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
[00:24:17] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyucrave.com VTC.
[00:24:31] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you how.
