Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Hey. Hey. Welcome back. All right, we are going to dive into the topic of all or nothing thinking because this is one of the biggest challenges and I would say is a common theme. There are probably about a dozen things that clients all have in common and really this all or nothing belief and stance and just mindset habit is probably one of the biggest. I would say it's in the top five and it is something that really permeates our culture is we have been set up where life is pit as this, either or it's all or it's nothing. It's this or it's that. And really life happens in the gray. These extremes are really not real life. But our brain loves to go to worst case scenarios. We love to fantasize about best case scenarios and high in the sky visioning like rainbows and unicorns. And yet we also like to almost fantasize about the negative and the worst case scenarios as well. And our brain is just so, so stuck in this tug of war. And I think that's how it often feels is like you're constantly fighting for positive beliefs or fighting to think better things. And in the beginning it's going to feel like a fight, but we have to understand why and really what's at play here. I see this when it comes to weight loss all the time. And I would say this is one of the biggest things that clients talk about when it comes to all or nothing is habits and following diet rules. They're all in or they're all out. And it stems from this idea and really this challenge that we have around perfectionism. And it's this core concept of I'm either doing it a hundred percent perfectly or I'm not. I'm doing nothing. I'm either a hundred percent and therefore losing weight or I'm not doing a hundred percent. So if I'm 99% or less now I'm not losing weight. So now fuck it, who cares? Why bother? I'm not gonna lose weight anyways. I've ruined the day, I've ruined the week. I. Our brain just jumps to these automatic extremes and sometimes diets are positioned that way. I remember having a housemate years ago and she was doing a keto diet and she was Cutting cake for family. And she was planning to not eat it, but then as she was serving it, she ran her finger across the frosting and licked her finger. And so she's like, ah, damn it. All right, now I'm out of ketosis, so screw it. Now I'm going to eat and drink whatever I want because I've ruined the diet. I'm now out of ketosis. I'm now not burning fat. Therefore, I'm just gonna say, eff it, and just go all out, because I've already ruined it. And when we think about it that extreme, it really creates and reinforces this need to be perfect. And this need to be perfect with something that is often so extreme, because that's how most diets are wired. It's how can you lose weight and as much weight as humanly possible as fast as humanly possible.
I did an episode around this all or nothing thinking and this kind of trap back in March of 2023. So it's episode 81. You can go back. It's titled Busting all or nothing Thinking clearly. I was not very creative with podcast titles.
It really highlights the core struggle is with perfectionism. And it's thinking that I have to be 100%, I have to do it perfect, and I have to do it perfectly every single day. Otherwise I am not losing weight, otherwise I'm out. And it's this big jump. I'm trying to even think of a good analogy for this. It's kind of like you're cooking pasta sauce on the stovetop and you get a little splattering on your shirt. And so you take all the pasta sauce and you just dump it on your shirt, right? Like, you're wearing a white shirt, and you get one little red dot, like one little teeny spot. And then you're like, ah, screw it, this shirt is ruined. And you just dump the whole thing of sauce on you. Because you're like, why bother? This shirt's ruined. When really it's like, no, there was just one little dot. There was one little spot. This is not a big deal. This is not a problem.
And the issue is when we are trying to follow diets where it does require perfectionism, and we are being told and taught, I have to be perfect or I have to do it a certain amount, or even when I worked with a health coach years ago, it was, if you eat off plan more than twice in the week, you're not going to lose weight. Like, she flat out told me that and told everybody in this group that and so it was very much if I'm could, I couldn't follow my plan. I couldn't even do it for a single day. But I tried, but I'd get to Wednesday. And then I'm like, screw it, I haven't been able to follow my plan so far. It's now Wednesday. She told me, if I couldn't do it now, I'm not going to lose weight. Why would I torture myself? Why would I deprive and struggle if I'm not gonna lose weight? And so it makes a lot of sense logically in our brains when we really look at it from that lens. But it's not how real life works. It's not how our bodies work, it's not how weight loss works, it's not how emotional eating works. And breaking free from that, back in episode 81, I actually touch on stages of change. And this is a concept that I teach all my clients, whether they're a private client or in the body you crave accelerator. And it's really about how do we set better expectations and how do we meet ourselves where we're at right now. And there are a couple different levels. It's like meeting ourselves where we're at with our thinking and our mindset and letting go of diet rules. It's meeting ourselves in terms of the emotional capacity where we're at and then meeting ourselves where we're at with habits. And I was actually just talking with Bea about this yesterday. We were talking about his kids and some of the things that they're going through. And I think one of his biggest fears is he wants to raise strong young men who are driven and ambitious and resilient and who don't end up living in mom's basement as adults, as 30, 40 year old men. And I get it, I totally get that desire and wanting that. But just throwing the kids into the deep end is maybe not always the right solution. And maybe for some kids it is, maybe for some people that is what they need. But as we were talking about one of his kids in particular, I was like, I don't think that's what he needs.
I think if anything, you are going to create that. You will create him running back and ending up in mom's basement if you take that approach.
And so it's really recognizing. And I haven't talked through those. I think I've talked about this previously or within other episodes.
But one of the things that we talk about often with clients is you've got your comfort zone and then you have Your growth zone outside of that. And then you have your scared shitless zone. And so often with diets, we are throwing ourselves, we're catapulting ourselves into this scared zone where we are terrified, we're triggered, all of our trauma is being activated. It's too extreme, too restrictive, too much, too fast. And what do we do? We run right back to our comfort zone. And a lot of times too, we go to these extreme zones when it comes to diets and weight loss. And then let's say you did lose the weight. Now you're like, hallelujah, thank you, Jesus. Now I can go back to eating burgers and fries and pizza and having date nights and drinking wine and doing the things that I actually want to do and I actually enjoy. And we never learn how to moderate. We never learn how to lose weight in real life, which means we never know and we never learn how to keep it off. How can you keep off the weight? That's what this is all about. It's the weight loss. How do you maintain your new body, your new habits, your new lifestyle? And we have to embody these new habits and we need time in order to do that. And so part of this is meeting yourself where you're at and taking one step outside. I demonstrate this when I speak for companies and at events and things.
I demonstrate this of what it looks like to be in your growth zone. It is literally one step outside of your comfort zone. It is one step to the right. And when you do that, and now you make peace there and you build some self trust, you build your capacity for that level of that one step of growth. Now you can take another step and you build it one piece at a time, 1% at a time. You get slightly better and better every single time. The problem is that you want to tell yourself that one step is not good enough.
You want to catapult yourself to the far flung ends of the spectrum because you're like, this is what I have to do now. It's going to be good enough, but it's not sustainable.
And so we have to work and we have to understand the mindset aspects that come at play here. And so this all or nothing concept, like this is a mindset problem.
This is not an action problem, it's not a habit problem, it's not a diet problem, it's not a food problem.
It is a mindset problem. And the issue, the challenge is that we keep trying to solve a mindset problem with a habit or action solution, and it's not working. You keep trying to solve this all or nothing with a new diet, a new set of food rules, a new protocol, a new shot, a new pill, a new thing.
It's a mindset issue.
So we need to solve it with the right solution. We need a mindset solution.
Just like weight loss and emotional eating is not a food problem. Right? It's an under feeling problem. It's not about overeating. It's about under feeling has fuck all to do with the food. The food is just how we have learned to cope. It's how we learn to feel better. It's how we've learned to get that hit of dopamine.
It's not about the food, though.
So when we are addressing it and we can really identify and recognize what's the real issue now, we can see here's the real solution.
And for those of us, right, and so when we look at this concept of like, under feeling, a lot of times, yes, there is an aspect of under feeling where we are resistant to feeling negative emotions, where we've been told we're not allowed to feel angry, we're not allowed to be sad or have grief. We should be over it by now. The divorce was how many years ago that you've been separated for how long? This happened so long ago, like you should be over it.
And now we heap shame on top of suppressed negative emotions.
That is one piece that we have to work through.
But because of the narcissistic abuse that so many of us have been through, we also struggle with allowing ourselves to feel good, to feel happy, to feel loved, because we have thoughts like, this is too good to be true.
We're waiting for the other shoe to drop because we learned that good things don't last.
We've been in that abuse cycle for so long where things were good for a time, but it never lasted. It never stayed there. And so now the trauma response is like, your nervous system is activated. And now the fear comes out of, this is good, but this can't last.
When's that other shoe gonna drop? Something else is gonna come at me. Because in the past, something always did.
And so now receiving love is going to feel really uncomfortable if you haven't earned it or achieved it or you don't have to prove yourself. When it's unearned or unconditional in some way, it feels really uncomfortable. And this is why it's hard to receive love from other people in this way. It's what we want. It's what we say we want. I'm going to talk more about this next week. But it's like, it is what we deeply desire, and yet it also feels so freaking uncomfortable because it is not familiar, it's not what we know. It feels a little weird.
And this is why we also have such a hard time giving it to ourselves.
It's why you have a hard time loving your body now, just as you are, even if you're in the process of losing weight. It's why you have a hard time loving yourself now when you are overweight and you feel like you haven't earned it, you haven't achieved it, you need to do something in order to be able to love yourself.
That's why we can't love our bodies. That's why we can't love certain habits. We can't love how we look in certain clothes. Because we keep telling ourselves and thinking, something's wrong, something's not right here.
This all plays into the concept of all or nothing.
Feel like we went on a little side tangent, but just to bring us back, this all plays into it.
One of the things that contributes to this all or nothing thinking is when your brain confuses feelings with facts.
So in other words, what we want to look at is, what are you making this mean?
This is such a great question. This is something to be asking yourself constantly, what am I making this mean? What am I making a circumstance mean? Because that often is our thought. It's like there are circumstances, there are neutral facts about the world, about life. And now the thought is what I am making that circumstance mean. But then we can look at what am I making that thought mean? What am I making that emotion mean?
That is really often what pushes us into this all or nothing. Something happens, we eat off plan. We don't follow our plan perfectly. We have a thought or we notice this emotion coming up and then it's what are you making that mean?
That is going to help. Because so often we are very quick to jump into the extremes. And this is how so many people do life. It's what gets reinforced.
So just know that this is common. This isn't just a your brain, like a you problem. We're getting this from a lot of other people too. And so the way that this came up, especially having Thanksgiving here recently in the US and celebrating it, it's like this idea of if you're experiencing grief or sadness or overwhelm or stress, it means ingratitude. It means you're not grateful.
And I think this is where we need to have so much love and compassion for ourselves and hold space for two things to be true at once.
And this holiday season, it might feel really hard.
Maybe it's the first year that life looks different.
Maybe it's compounded. Maybe it's just this compounding effect. I know when I went through depression earlier this year, it was, I think, a compounding effect of the previous three years of waking up and going through some massive life changes. Was almost like it was all starting to hit me and all of the trauma came out and it just shut me down. It wasn't like there was a particular trigger in February, but that's when I noticed it started. And it wasn't something that happened in February. It was like the prior three years.
Sometimes that's what's going on.
Maybe you find yourself wrestling with the same challenges. It's like the same thing happening this year that was happening the last year and the year before and the year before.
Either way, you can take on this identity or this belief that if you're feeling grief, sadness, loneliness, depression, anxiety, that somehow it means you're not grateful for what you have.
And we have to be really careful because this is where a lot of people are uncomfortable with negative emotions. They can't handle theirs, so they can't handle yours. Okay, it's a them problem, but they want to make it a you problem.
Why? Because we're so used to making other people responsible for our emotions and for regulating our nervous system. Just like we do that to other people, they will do that back to us. So you have Aunt Sally, and Aunt Sally is not comfortable with her emotions, and she now is not comfortable with your emotions. So she needs you to be happy. She needs you to not be sad or depressed or anxious, because that's how she is going to feel. Okay? It is just misplaced responsibility for emotions. It's a lack of emotional capacity and emotional awareness and it's a lack of understanding that two things can be true at once. I can be sad. I can feel a lot of grief. I can feel a lot of anger and also be incredibly grateful and incredibly proud of myself.
Two things can be true at once. These two what feel like competing or conflicting or even contradictory things can be true at once.
Because life is never all or nothing. It is this meshing of 50, 50.
This is where we give ourselves permission to allow what we're feeling and allow what we're going through.
And it's hard when other people want to make you the villain for feeling your emotions, for having emotions, for having a human response. And I even heard it I was talking with a client and she was saying that she was talking with a family member and she was saying how she was really sad. She was really heartbroken over some of the loss that she's experienced over the last three years.
And this family member was like, oh, okay, well, I'm choosing to be grateful this year.
And my client just felt really misunderstood because she was like, I'm grateful too. But I can also feel sad. I can also feel grief. I can also have the loss of the hope of the future that I thought I was going to have with this person. I can also recognize the changes and how it's hard and recognizing there are going to be parts of this that feel hard and parts of the holiday season that feel hard. And it doesn't take away from the love and the joy and the pleasure and the adventure. It doesn't make anything worse because you are experiencing a hard or challenging time right now.
I look back on Christmas last year, I went and did a solo trip. So fun, so enjoyable. And also still a lot of grief, a lot of processing, a lot of tears. I think every single day of that trip. There was still a lot that I was really in the middle of dealing with.
And that's okay.
I also have the best memories of that trip.
Going and doing wine tasting. I went and did a moonshine tasting. I went hiking two days in a row and hiking up at the top of this mountain and the waterfall had iced over and so there's like icicles hanging down instead of the waterfall flowing. I have such great memories of it. Having this really swanky bougie cabin. It was almost like a treehouse type of thing. And the roof had a hot tub. It was such an incredible experience.
I think back on that and I'm just. I smile so much.
And woven within all of that was some really deep grief, some really deep fear, some really deep uncertainty and heartache.
It was a lot.
And when I think about that too, I'm like, shit. No wonder I was depressed in the spring. There's just this culmination.
And because I stopped lying to myself, because I stopped just trying to toxic positivity my way out of things. I allowed myself to feel it. There was a lot because it wasn't just from that year. It wasn't just from the marriage. It was like grief and processing from my entire life, like all of these compounding aspects.
Just because you might be experiencing some heaviness or some sadness or some heartache this season doesn't mean that you aren't still grateful. And happy at times and content and proud and motivated to move forward.
I think about this often. Yes, this is hard. And this is the heart I will choose all day, every day, twice on Sundays. It's the hard that I will choose to create a better life for myself, for my son, to break generational cycles of trauma.
This is what it's all about.
And we don't need to get stuck in this all or nothing. I have to be happy and I have to put on a face and I can't be stressed and I can't be overwhelmed.
And I can help you to break out of that overwhelm. I can help you to get out of survival mode. We'll talk about that in a little bit. That is what a coach is here for, is to help you to recognize and really to take back your power, to take back your ownership of your experience, to help empower you to overcome the obstacles and the challenges, to make your experience of healing and processing better, to make your experience of weight loss and healing, emotional eating better, to heal from the relationship trauma and childhood trauma, to make that a better, more enjoyable experience, to make it more fun.
That is part of this work, that's part of what I do with people. But also recognizing that an aspect of that is allowing it to be hard, allowing it to feel difficult, allowing it to be what it is, and not feeling like you have to put on a face and it has to look a certain way.
That is a key area that I see this coming up with all or nothing, especially as it relates to the holidays, is like, the emotions.
And this is one thing that I'm really, as I think back on last year, I'm really grateful to my church. They had a season of Advent, and I think it was three out of four sermons. It was noted, this might be a hard season for you, and that's okay. You don't have to fake it. You don't have to fake it till you make it. Let's stop doing that. I hate that there is an aspect of me, and I think it's part of, like, how I'm just designed and wired, where it's. I don't want to fake it. I want to be real. I want to be me. I want to be authentic. The fakeness, can we all just let that go? Social media is full of that, right? Like, everyone trying to put on their best foot forward and show the best sides and the prettiest sides and all the things. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with wanting to Highlight the good and the joy. But let's not be fake.
Let's own it and let's show up authentically in our lives. And sometimes it's a little messy and that's okay.
Another way that this all or nothing can show up is I was thinking about it as it relates to self doubt. And I think it's like we fall into this trap of thinking self doubt equals inability.
So if I'm doubting myself, if I have any self doubt ever, it means that I can't, I won't, never will I ever. And really all that self doubt means is you have a human brain, that is braining, that is it.
You have a human brain and you have a human experience.
That's all.
That's all.
And especially after narcissistic abuse, when we are flat out told often to our face how much we do things wrong, how we can't do things right, how, how never will we ever, when we share our dreams and people look at us and they roll their eyes and scoff and mock, that has a lasting impact.
It's normal that the self doubt is going to come up. That is one of the core wounds of narcissistic abuse.
But you can do new things for the first time at any age.
And you can also decide if you've done it once, you can do it again. And this time you're doing it better. This time you're doing it in a way that is more aligned and is going to better allow you to maintain the desired results that you want.
Another covert way that I see this come up is achieving your goal within a certain amount of time. So it's like the self doubt might come up because of how much time it's now taking you. Because we think that time equals results. If I just put in enough time, time will give me more money, time will give me the weight loss. Time equals this. Time heals all wounds, Right? We've talked about that before. That is categorically false. It's not how things actually work. And there are parts of life where that's how we've been trained.
I think about this like time equals money. And often that's how we think about jobs, right? It's if I work this many hours, I make this amount of money. If I want to make more money, I have to work more hours.
And what if we flipped that right? When I look at things like entrepreneurship and having a business, it's what if I worked less time and made more money right now that plays into a whole lot of other things. But we can also look at it from this lens of weight loss. Right. If I spend enough time, if I have this many weeks where I lose this much weight and we often think like, it's going to be the same amount every week, which is not true. But we're like, if I spend this much time, I'm going to lose this amount of weight.
And that's not always accurate because it's not about time, it's about skill.
The skill will create the results and we can take a guess as to how long we think it's going to take to learn and implement and really embody that skill. But that is always just an estimate. Very rarely are you ever going to be losing the same amount of weight week by week for your entire weight loss journey. That's just not typically how it works. And we don't have to make that a problem. But we get so attached to needing to lose the weight in order to feel good. We get so attached to, this is what I have to do. And if I can just lose £2 every week for the next six months, then I can lose all my weight. And we are in such a hurry to get there and we're like counting down and we always have these formulas and these truckers and we're like, oh, no, I've got to push out my timeline. Oh, I'm actually not going to hit this goal. And we have such resistance to feeling disappointed. We're so afraid of feeling disappointed if we don't hit a certain goal when that goal is so arbitrary. You can go to the party, the wedding, the summer vacation. You can go and do the thing and have so much fun and enjoy yourself regardless of your size, shape or weight. We can have an estimate of how long we think it's going to take to lose the weight. But it's not about the time, it's not about the weeks. It's about realizing what is the skill that I need to learn. The skill is like growing our emotional capacity. It's learning to listen for when I'm hungry and stopping it satisfied. It's learning how to create more systems and habits around drinking more water consistently, which is somewhat a habit thing and somewhat a mindset thing because there are people who are like, oh, I don't want to drink more water because then I'm going to have to pee more. There are going to be trade offs. Let's stop whining about what the trade offs are and recognize that they are also short term. Yeah, maybe you're going to have to Pee a little bit more. But then you know what? Your bladder is going to grow and expand a little bit, and it's going to be able to hold more, and then you're not going to have to pee all the time. So who the f cares how often you're peeing? Do you want to lose the weight or not? Drink your freaking water. Let's stop whining and bitching and complaining about the simple things and actually do them. The problem is not that we don't have this sexy, alluring diet to follow. It's that we're not doing the simple things consistently. And you have to ask yourself why.
This is what it comes down to. What are you afraid of?
And now let's look at where we're getting in our own way and how to break out of that, which is what I'm going to help you do. So what a coach is going to help you do is to identify how you are getting in your own way and how to stop, how to break out of that. But if we go back to this, learning the skill, we have to learn the skill of feeling an emotion and allowing an emotion instead of eating over it, instead of drinking over it. We have to learn the skill of trusting ourselves. We have to learn the mindset skill of redirecting thoughts. We learn the skill of allowing and processing an emotion through our body. There's a lot of skills we have to learn when it comes to weight loss and ending emotional eating or binge eating that have nothing to do with the food and the diet program that you're following and everything to do with how safe and comfortable do you feel in your own body?
How safe and comfortable do you feel handling any emotion and owning that?
This is where time comes in. Because often it's, if it hasn't happened yet, then it's not going to happen. We can become a little apathetic, and then we have these thoughts of like, maybe this is just how I'm supposed to be. Maybe this is where I'll always be. And that's not true. But so often it is a mindset thing still showing up, even when the scale stays the same two weeks, three weeks in a row, because on week four, it will go down. But you have to show up consistently, and you keep building that skill of resilience and grit and determination. I just want to bring this up like, you fought so hard for a relationship that was not going anywhere. You fought so hard for somebody who did not love you and was not going to fight in the same way for you, you fought so hard to make that work.
Now I want you to imagine taking all of that energy and now fighting for yourself.
Fight for somebody who's actually going to do something positive with it. Take all of that energy, all of that time, all of that capacity, and now start fighting for your dreams, your weight loss goals, your emotional eating habit, your new relationship. You start fighting for yourself and for people that really matter. Your life will never be the same.
You have the capacity and don't think that you used it all or now you're tired. No, no, no, no. We spent a lot of time and energy on people that could not love us the way that we needed, that didn't know how, that just don't have the capacity.
Now let's take all of that and put it to good use.
Okay? I don't really know a smooth transition into this next piece right here. But another thing that I thought of when it comes to this all or nothing, especially ways that we don't often see it or think about it, is like ambition doesn't mean a lack of contentment or drive. Desire, ambition, wanting something more for yourself or more for your life doesn't mean insufficiency. And I would say this has been my big work recently.
This has been such a learning experience of how do I stay content and sufficient. Finding sufficiency for where I'm at right now, right? Loving your body where you're at right now and still wanting to lose weight. Loving your body now and all the way down the scale, it's like loving myself now. And as I get better and better, it's like loving myself now and finding peace and contentment and sufficiency. Being single as there's the future of dating and the potential to date. And then as now I step into dating, that becomes it.
So just because I have a desire or I have ambition or I have drive doesn't mean that I'm not happy and content with what I have right now.
Especially from a church and religious or spiritual abuse kind of standpoint. I think this can get really used against you is if you want more, then it means that you're not happy and content.
And it's like, no, I can be very happy and content with where I'm at right now. Like, I have a wonderful apartment, but I also have a desire to have a house.
I can be very happy and content with being single and my life dating. And I can also want a future husband. I can also want a spouse and one person that I share my life with. Where we are A team. And we do life together.
I can have peace and contentment and true love for my body right now, even in the midst of wanting to lose weight, they are not mutually exclusive.
And when we can find that balance and hold space and hold the vision for the ambition and the drive, while simultaneously allowing ourselves to feel peace and contentment with where we're at. This is such a coachy concept. I get it. Like I do. This is coach speak. But when we truly can learn how to feel that, like, allow ourselves to be happy and content and peaceful and find the sufficiency with what we have now, when we make peace with it, then everything can change.
And it's so hard and it feels so backwards because we're so often looking to making changes from a place of discontentment. We make changes because we're not happy with something. And so we focus on, this is why I'm not happy, and this is why I need to change.
And sometimes that can be motivating for a little while, but because of our trauma, it's not gonna last. It's not gonna create the lasting, sustainable results that we want. And it's definitely not working with weight loss.
It's why we have a multi billion dollar industry when it comes to weight loss and a society and a culture that keeps getting bigger and bigger, that has more and more health problems.
And it's wild for how much money the weight loss industry generates. It keeps growing and it should be shrinking, right? If weight loss and weight loss programs and diets really did what they were supposed to do, the industry should be shrinking. There should be smaller people, less health issues, fewer people who need to lose weight, because you should be able to lose the weight and keep it off for life.
But that doesn't make people money. They got to keep people coming back. They got to keep people losing weight and then regaining it, losing it and then regaining it. And the way that they do that is to create these really extreme, really restrictive things and then tell you you only have to do it for 30 days, just do it for 90 days, just go hard for 75 days, and then you can say, eff it the rest of the year and undo all of that work.
Because in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't sustainable, right? You get to day 75 and you're like, hallelujah, thank you, I'm done, I'm moving on.
And this is why it's so helpful to have a coach, because coaching will transform your life inside, outside, all of it.
And one of the beautiful aspects here is My job is to put my brain to solving your problems.
I see things differently. I see things differently because of my experience, because I've worked with hundreds of clients, because I am simply on the outside.
To be honest. Sometimes we are so close to our own problems, our own challenges. We can't see the forest through the trees. We are smack dab right up against that tree, looking at the tree bark and we can't see anything. And we have to step back. We need a bigger vision, we need to see the bigger picture and we need somebody to help us do that. And that's what I can do for you.
Your brain in overwhelm, your brain in survival mode, your brain in anxiety or depression or tiredness.
That is a really hard place to be solving problems from.
And you don't have to be the only one solving problems. It doesn't just have to be your brain. I get to bring my brain to help you solve your problems, right? You come and dump all your problems on me and then I help you identify the real problems, the real issues, and then I help you find the solutions that fit.
And so sometimes we work on the tactics. What do you actually do differently? And I give you different ideas of things to try.
But I'll also help you think differently, often in a way that you've never thought before. I'll help you see something from a different perspective that you've never considered.
And I'll teach you how to expand your capacity to feel and allow emotions.
I'll help you to relieve the pent up emotional energy that's in your body and actually learn how to process through it.
It's no longer being stored, it's no longer just like we're no longer stuffing it down.
And for most of my people, we are processing through a lot of unhealed, unprocessed emotions of the past.
And it doesn't matter how long ago things happened. It could have been a year, five years, 20 years.
A lot of times we are working through and addressing things that happened in childhood. They are decades old. But there are hurts and wounds and things that we need to heal. There's stuffed down emotions that we need to let out.
And it doesn't matter how long you've been separated or divorced, there is still grief, there is still healing that needs to come after an abusive relationship.
You can leave the dynamic, you can walk away, you cannot date anybody new. But that pain, that trauma is still being stored in your body. It has not gone anywhere and it's not healing. Time does not heal all wounds.
We have to be an active participant of our healing, just like we are an active participant of our weight loss, of our emotional eating or binge eating journey.
And I can help you break free from all of that, to truly see the cycles, see the patterns and where and how to break them. And when you leave, when you walk away from a call, from a voxer session, you feel reinvigorated and inspired to take action, to go again. You feel calm, you have a renewed sense of confidence and being able to handle any challenge that comes your way.
You're actually excited to be triggered again because you have new ideas and new things that you want to try, new habits, new ways of thinking about it. And you're so excited to go again. You're like looking for the next trigger, the next opportunity to put something into practice. Because I've taught you how to truly evaluate in a way that is productive and a way that moves you forward.
And I help you find empowerment and ownership in places where it feels like there's none, even in the hardest of circumstances and the most challenging times. These are life skills you take with you forever, and you take them all throughout the year. This is not just something we do around the holidays, this is something we do year round.
And I want to help you to build these habits so that you're not afraid of holidays, you're not afraid of summer vacation, you're not afraid of the beach and travel and trips. You're not afraid of when you get sick or the kids get sick or you can't make it to the gym. We're not afraid of life not being perfect.
This is real life. We have to make plans and intentions for real life just like we would a budget. I talk about this so often around money and budgeting and we need to have a budget that works for us in our real life, just like we need an eating plan and health habits that work in real life. Let's plan for it.
This is how we create the life and body we crave. And if you'd like some help, I'm the best fit. I'm the best person to help you with this.
Your next best step is to schedule a free consultation. You can visit body you crave.com forward/schedule. Find a day and time on my calendar and let's spend some time really talking through what's coming up for you. I can help you break free from these emotional eating patterns, patterns of self doubt and shame and insufficiency, patterns of self loathing and criticism. And I can help you to become Your own biggest cheerleader instead of your own worst enemy. That is one of the gifts that nobody can take away from you. I'm going to help you build habits and build new beliefs and build a grit and resilience that no one will ever be able to take away.
This is the work.
This is the life changing work that we are here to do. And it's why I'm here, so why I was put on this earth is to do this level of work, to not just hold it all in for myself, but to help you do it too.
So if you'd like some help with this next best step, schedule a call and we'll talk through. If you want to work with me privately one on one, if you want to work with me in a small group, and there are still bonuses available through the end of this year. So that way you start the new year strong and you have the support. You have the capacity. You no longer feel like you're just drowning, trying to figure it out on your own. You no longer feel like you are in this cool, floaty, but in the middle of a storm in the ocean, I've got the lifeboat and I'm there on the side reaching out my hand. But you have to reach out your hand and grab it. You have to grab mine and I'll help bring you to safety. I'm going to teach you the skills to where you'll be able to do this on your own.
You won't need me forever. That's the intention, that's the goal here, is that you are able to learn how to do this for yourself. And I'd love to be a part of your journey. All right, this took an interesting turn. Wasn't quite expecting all of that, but you know what, we roll with it. That's just how it goes sometimes.
So the feistiness is back. I might be a little stuffy, but the feistiness has not left the building.
All right, I hope y' all have a fabulous week. Here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:40:13] Speaker A: If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step, book your free break the cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyyoucrave.com VTC it's time to break the cycle.
[00:40:50] Speaker B: I'll show you how.
