Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Speaker A: Hey. Hey. Welcome back. All right, so with this bonus episode, I want to address how do we handle uncomfortable emotions and the lingering nervous system response that we typically have after maybe confrontation, after a difficult conversation, after learning something or feeling caught off guard and noticing what's happening in our bodies and how it doesn't always necessarily drive the desire to eat right in that moment to self soothe. Sometimes that's it. Sometimes we have these conversations or these emotions that come up and it's like a quick hurry, I need to distract myself. And so sometimes it can be turning to food in the moment. Sometimes we will stuff it down and dissociate or try to avoid that emotion by doing something else. So it could be you turn on the tv, you are scrolling social media. It could be buffering in other ways where we are still avoiding what it is that we're feeling.
And yet those sensations, like the discomfort in our body and the emotional discomfort still comes with us. And so this is what can lead to eating later in the day, over the weekend, a week later. Sometimes there is a delayed effect as to when we are eating or reaching for food. And so I was helping a client with this last night and helping her to process through why she was eating and what was driving this kind of emotional eating on Monday and Tuesday and when something that happened four or five days prior and helping her to see how it's not just what she was experiencing in that particular moment on Monday, for example, but what was happening as a whole over the course of the day, the weekend, and then going back into the prior week. And so the way that I look at it is I like to get real close into, okay, what's actually happening, and then we just take a higher and higher level look to where we're going to get this larger view. What we want to do is start to put the pieces together a little bit better. And then looking at not just what was happening in that moment, but how that likely was a trigger of something that had happened previously. And so what we pulled out and fleshed out was that she felt really misunderstood in this conversation. And she handled the actual conversation really well. But it left her with these lingering feelings of feeling frustrated, misunderstood, inadequate, feeling like she was talking with a brick wall. It Was like, no matter what she said or how she tried to explain it, she was just going to be the bad guy. This person was not going to understand how she was feeling and why and what the problem was. She was to blame. It was her fault. And so not only was that a difficult conversation, and she can see it for what it is. She can see that it's not a healthy dynamic and a healthy relationship to be a part of. And she is actively now stepping back and leaving that relationship.
But it still has an impact. It still impacts our emotions, our emotional state and our nervous system, like the actual physical sensations that we're experiencing.
Not only was that happening then a couple weeks ago to where it's okay, there's some awareness around it, but noticing too, how that reminded her so much of what she experienced in her marriage.
And it's not just about that in the moment. It's, oh, this is what I experienced so often being married. And it was so hard, so frustrating, so overwhelming. And it was like somebody was determined to believe something negative about you, and no matter what you said or did, they just wouldn't change their mind.
And I can totally relate with that. That is such a hard and difficult place to be. And feeling like you can walk away from a disagreement. It doesn't even have to be an argument per se, but any type of disagreement or any time of conflict, it's like you walk away and you've talked, both of you have talked yourselves to death, and yet nothing changes and there's no resolution. It can bring up and trigger things from the past because it reminds us of these different dynamics and these different situations. Sometimes what we want to do is we just want to try to avoid the triggers. We want to avoid the things.
And what I was telling her too, with the emotional eating part and where she was eating, like, that is your check engine light.
That is the awareness piece now of the sooner you can recognize this is my check engine. The problem is not with that light. Nobody is beating the dashboard or beating the front headlight display of your vehicle. You know, with a problem with this light. We're not like, how do I solve this light? How do I solve this light? How do I get it to turn off?
The real issue is that is an indicator to show you that something else is going on under the hood or that something is going on with one of your tires, that there's some kind of imbalance, right? Like it's there to help show you something is off. Something else needs to be addressed. And that's how I think of emotional eating. The food is not the problem. The eating is not the issue. This is here to show us that there is something else at play underneath the surface. As I am experiencing something this morning. There's this level of discomfort and dis ease and I think feeling a little judged, a little misunderstood. It's not even a bad situation. I think it's a funny part of, like, my mouth is moving so quickly. My brain is firing so fast right now because it's really wanting to understand what is happening. And it's not even a bad situation, but there's this lingering feeling. And so I was planning to record an episode, and it wasn't exactly going to be this one, but I was like, this is now prime time and a great opportunity to show you how I walk through this for myself as well. It's steps that you can take to walk through. And it's also what I do with clients. So it's what we do on calls, and then it's what we do on Voxer. And this is one of the benefits of working with me one on one is having voxer support where you can talk to me in between sessions to where far call is normally on Tuesdays, but now it's Thursday or Friday and something's come up. You can come on and process with me.
And one of the things that I was telling this client in particular was, hey, the next time this happens, this is a great opportunity to get on voxer and to decide, I can eat, I can have this thing, but I'm not eating until Jillian gives me a response. So there's this forced pause of, okay, I can have the thing, but I'm gonna better understand why I'm reaching for it. It's going to get to the point where she'll be able to do this for herself. This becomes something that she can do. But in the beginning, this is part of why I'm here, is to help you work through and process through it. I tell clients this all the time because I think sometimes we can feel guilty or feel like we don't want to take up somebody's time, or it's really not that big of a deal. And I really encourage them to use the extra support in between calls because this is where we can figure things out. We can flesh it out, we can catch patterns sooner, we can see what's really at play. And even if you eat a couple days in a row, you eat off plan or you're emotionally eating, there's more awareness to be able to dissect and figure out what's going on. So rather than waiting a week to flush it out now, let's do it more in real time. And this is where we bring so much love and so much compassion and know that nothing has gone wrong. This is moving you forward, but this is the failure gold. And not even that this is a failure, but this is what I think of when it's like the gold and the gift and the messages that come through the these types of situations and these circumstances.
So let me walk through. And mine is a little bit different than what I helped this client to navigate through. But I just want to explain how I process through it. How I sit with something and I notice what feels off because it is a very low level thing. And this is the other piece too is, I think sometimes for me anyways, it's easier to recognize when there's like a big wave of grief or loss or anger or when it's a really big heavy emotion. I am far more likely to not eat over it. I'm way more conscious and aware of, okay, I don't want to be eating and eating over these emotions.
And then when it is more of a low level, subtle, it's like an undercurrent that runs throughout my day, that's what I'm more likely to eat over. And I noticed this too as I was really dissecting and navigating my emotional eating pattern. That's the conclusion that I came to was not only was it the restriction that was causing me to binge, but there was also this low level undercurrent of shame and self loathing and criticism and not feeling good enough that was always there, always present this like ever present discomfort and dissatisfaction with myself and not living up to my full potential or not being enough.
And that was driving a lot of the eating and the eating habits too was escaping the day a little bit. It was escaping certain pieces, but also trying to escape this like low level discomfort, low level anxiety, low level emotions that we maybe take with us everywhere.
Let's talk about and explore what it looks like when I say processing an emotion or things like that. This is how I teach clients to do it. And everybody's going to be a little bit different. So I have an overarching framework. And then the actual process that you go through might look a little bit different, but this is the beauty of it is you get to figure out what works best for you. This is about finding your process, not trying to find the right process according to somebody else. So I just Want to make sure that you have that freedom and that permission as well. Anytime that you have this desire or this urge to eat, anytime you have a big craving or you notice there's any type of discomfort in your body, any type of dysregulation, this is where instead of just stuffing it down and going to something else, we want to lean into that discomfort. We want to lean in and really explore and get clear on what is it that I'm actually feeling. And so I tell clients to start with a body scan. So sit someplace comfortable, grab a blanket, a sweater, something that makes you feel really safe, really comfortable.
Maybe light a candle. We want to engage our senses and things that have us feeling really safe, really comfortable.
And sometimes we can do this in the moment, sometimes this has to happen later in the day or maybe after work, something like that. It may be something that's not always can happen in the moment, and that's okay. But this is where it's like, the more we can engage our senses. And I like to think of it as a comfort box. So I have a little box with a note card that has some different things on it. I have pictures in there, and one of my favorite pictures is me as a little girl, like maybe three, six, sitting on my grandma's lap. And I have this little pouty face, and it's just so spot on.
I have the best memories of sitting on my grandma's lap. That is one of the core things that I remember is snuggling in and sitting on her lap. Sometimes she would tickle my back, but there's this really cute little picture of me sitting in her lap. And so I look at that because that evokes a sense of safety. And that's really what we want to do. We need to create safety around food just as much as we're working to create safety around emotions.
And the more we create safety and stability and comfort around emotions, the more we can create that safety around food as well.
So this becomes one of the key pieces. So we want to get to a place where we physically, in the space that we're in, we feel this level of comfort, this level of safety, maybe some nostalgia, some positive memories, positive aspects that come up from there. You want to do a body scan, start it your head, and you work your way down your body and just notice what are you feeling? What are you noticing with the different sensations that you're feeling in different parts of the body?
So I might notice, okay, nothing's really happening in my head. What about my Throat. I feel a little pressure in my throat, or it feels a little tight. And then I go down to my chest. What's my heart doing? What's my breathing like? What's happening in my chest? Is it constricting? Does it feel tight?
What's happening in my stomach? And one of the things that I brought up with this client too, was you will start to notice the nuance between different emotions. So I've started to be able to tell what's anxiety, what's nervousness, what's excitement, because they can feel very similar in our bodies and there was a time when they felt exactly the same. Everything I felt was just this knot and pit in my stomach.
And I remember I did some eft and like, tapping work. I've done other just like, emotional awareness work with coaches. And it seemed like no matter what I was feeling, I always felt it in my stomach. It was often stomach. It was a lot of tightness. Sometimes there was churning. And now, several years later, I. I can see the difference. I can feel the physical sensations that are different in my body. I notice where they are, what they feel like, and I can put a name and associate them with an emotion that are all a little bit different. So you will get to this point too. You can, but for right now and in the beginning, it's okay if everything feels the same.
The more that you do this, the more that you'll be able to identify the differences.
So I like to see what's happening in my stomach and then I also like to attach it to what emotions do I think are coming up with this sensation, as well as giving myself an analogy for what I think this reminds me of.
So sometimes when it's anxiety, it's like rocks in a dryer. It's heavy, it's tumbling, it's weighty. There's also this sense of churning.
It's different than if it's like churning dough or butter or something that feels maybe a little bit lighter or like whipped cream, there's movement, right? Or like butterfly wings flapping. It's lighter. There's still movement, but it's lighter. So just noticing what it reminds me of, where I'm feeling it, what's coming up.
Because so often with emotions, there is a physical response that our body is happening, and we can be afraid of both. I think a lot of times we're afraid of the manifestation of that emotion in our body. And that's why we tell ourselves that we don't want emotions, we don't want to feel them. It's not the emotional side. It's not like the emotion itself self. It's how that emotion vibrates in your body.
And what we want to do is create safety for it.
Even when we don't know what exactly is happening or what exactly is going on. Even just to bring this awareness. If I notice these are the sensations that I'm feeling and I am safe, I usually will put my hand on my heart. So right hand goes on my heart, left hand. Sometimes I'll put it on my stomach, sometimes I'll squeeze my leg and bring some awareness to my body of, I'm here, I'm in this body, I'm in this moment. I'm very present.
And I practice breathing. So I'll breathe in for four or five, hold at the top for two, and then exhale four or five. The box breathing, where you hold it longer to me, feels really uncomfortable for me. My breathing is usually a little bit faster. So you find a rhythm that works for you. But also with the intention of, can I slow this down?
Can I just be here and notice what's happening?
And that is great awareness right there. You don't have to have any epiphanies. You don't have to have any revelations, even if you just do that. That is amazing work. We're creating safety. It's like, it's okay to be here even when I don't know what I'm feeling. And then I talk to myself through this. So I'm thinking as I'm breathing. Often I'll close my eyes, but as I'm breathing and I'm noticing what I'm experiencing, I'm noticing the sensations.
And sometimes I will even tell myself, this feels terrible, and that's okay.
Today in particular doesn't feel terrible. It feels uncomfortable. But when there was grief, when there was a breakup, when there was, like, extreme loss or I think about the abandonment that I felt after a breakup over the summer. The breakup that I knew was essential. And we're still friends too, which is so ironic. But I just had such a big response in my body. And I was like, this feels terrible, and that's okay.
And I could do it in the car. I could do it going to the grocery store. I could do it once I got home. And just noticing that it was really powerful just to be able to recognize. And that's when I put it together of, oh, this is abandonment.
That had happened that multiple times before. And I couldn't put that association together. It just felt like a limb of my body was Being torn off, like a piece of me was being cut away. With breakups, that's what was so wild about them. And this, I think, will come into the dating episodes later. But it was like a piece of my body was being ripped away, like a part of me was no longer there. It felt so big, so heavy, so all encompassing. And so I could even tell how, with the most recent breakup, how that was uncomfortable, but it still didn't even feel as bad as the previous one had. And so it's noticing and seeing this. And sometimes with something like a breakup, it only happens once a year.
Maybe it's once or twice a year. There aren't a lot of times in which this is happening. Like the holidays, we have certain times where we might be a little more triggered, or there's the opportunity for it to show us something and now we can see it. But it might actually take several years to. To work through it because that trigger doesn't happen very often. And that's okay. It's not being afraid of it, but really creating a lot of safety in my body for what I'm feeling, even when I don't know what it is, even when I don't know why. And this came up a couple months ago when there was a guy I had been on a date with, and then I was canceling our second date, but we had been talking for a couple of weeks.
And it was something where I was like, I don't know what's happening in my body, but I just know that this is not good. I couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly it was, but I was like, this is not a positive thing. This is not good. I need to break things off. This is my indicator. This is my check engine light saying, something is not right here. This is not the right person. Don't keep going forward. Stop, turn around, go the other direction. When you really listen and trust your intuition because you have it. And you can listen to those still small whispers. And you're going to notice when it is a, it's time to walk away or it's time to shift, it's time to pivot. And you'll also notice when there's something else coming up, when maybe sometimes it is nervous because you're hopeful or you're excited.
So to bring us back here, right? You're sitting, breathing, thinking through things. It's safe to feel this. This isn't going to hurt me. This is just a vibration in my body.
And now I get to explore and figure out and be the detective and get curious as to why it's here.
What is this trying to tell me? If we see it the same way as like this is an indicator light, what are these sensations in my body trying to tell me? And we are not in a hurry to make them go away. No matter how big, no matter how bad, we hold space for that and we allow them to be there.
And sometimes it's like a wave and it'll get like whole body chills as I do this. Right now it's like my whole body is starting to tingle.
My heart is beating a little bit faster.
I noticed that there was a little bit of tightness in my stomach. And in processing through before I started recording, I noticed there was this sense of maybe feeling a little judged, a little misunderstood.
Also some self awareness and some self reflection around am I doing the right thing?
Is this a problem?
Is this something that I need to look at more, Looking at things from the other person's perspective? Because I think what happens a lot of times is there's not the intention of hurting somebody or putting them in an awkward or uncomfortable position. But sometimes that's what happens, right? And we are going to make mistakes, other people are going to make mistakes. And I want to be in friendships and relationships and dynamics where there is freedom and permission to make mistakes. And we look at how do we repair after those mistakes, how do we make things better?
Not, oh, I've ruined everything completely.
I think there was maybe a little bit of that coming up of oh, no, I've just ruined things or I've made things really bad for somebody else. And knowing that we don't always know what somebody else's boundaries are, what somebody else's desires are, what they're comfortable with. And when I think about the way that I do life and the things that I know coming out of divorce and being in this new dating environment, there are aspects that I feel comfortable with and I'm aware of and I know and I'm totally on board with. And I also know that I have friends and family members and even siblings who have been married for years, maybe even decades.
And there are things that to them maybe don't make a lot of sense, but they haven't been through what I've been through.
They may not fully know. And I think for me, sometimes there's this level of wanting to get somebody to understand where I'm coming from or to think the best in me, to not think negatively of me, to not think down on me or a situation or anybody else in that Situation, right? To want to justify and prove why this is an okay thing to do. And at the end of the day, it's like, nope, this is just the way that it is. They are allowed to have their thoughts, their emotions, their boundaries, their lines, and I'm allowed to have mine. What's great about this too is I'm not trying to force anybody to cross their own boundary. They're telling me what's going on. And I did ask, in this particular situation with me, I did ask, hey, can you tell me a little more about what's going on? Just so that I'm aware. And I want this other person to know that they can come and talk to me and they can share things if something bothers them or it doesn't feel like the right fit or something's off that they can share. And that's okay.
It was just really interesting how there's just been this kind of like lingering discomfort, this low level discomfort. And I don't know if it was anxiety light because it was not big, heavy anxiety, it was not spiky anxiety, which I will also talk about in a future episode and I will do a podcast around anxiety in particular.
But it was more of just this low level discomfort. And so really trying to figure out piece through, okay, did I feel like I do the wrong thing? Did I do a bad thing? Did I let this person down? Like, really exploring the place that I also came to was just feeling a little misunderstood, misjudged, and maybe even thinking you don't know the whole situation.
And to be fair, they don't. We never know the whole situation for somebody else. And it's okay if I don't have all the answers right here in this moment. Sometimes our subconscious speaks to us, but it takes a little bit of time. Sometimes it takes a day or two to process. But when we do this work, when we now are aware of it, not only, and as I'm talking through this, I also notice, like, the physical sensations are decreasing.
I'm not feeling the vibrations in my body as much.
It's like I'm taking one or two steps forward.
There's still a little bit of something that has me feeling a little bit off, but I actually feel more neutral. I'm feeling a little bit more back to normal, even though I really don't have any answers.
So you don't have to always have answers. You don't have to always know what's happening. This might be one of the stepping stones that helps you to figure it out in the Future.
This might be something where you pause and you keep going about your day and your subconscious will bring it up and it'll answer the questions. It'll give you reminders of things in the past that triggered you to feel like this.
This is where we have a lot of grace and compassion for ourselves. Because I also know that even though I would be aware that not to eat or overeat or emotionally eat over the next day or two or even throughout the weekend, because I'm doing this, I'm now less likely to eat over it. I'm less likely to want to eat at the end of the day and then be like, I don't know why I'm eating, I don't know why I have these cravings, I don't know why. And really it stemmed from what was happening earlier in the day.
And this is why it's important that if you're emotionally eating and it's five, six, seven o' clock at night, that we don't just look at what's happening in that moment. We have to actually look at how did your day start out, what was happening the couple days prior, what did your week look like, what's really at play here?
Because it can be easy when it is a low level emotion and when it is something that maybe you're used to living with, like this low level shame, low level anxiety, we're used to just stuffing it down and overriding it often in order to stuff it down, we need something else to distract us. Another way to re regulate. So it's really easy to turn to food. You just sit here is really what it is. It's you sit here and you allow yourself to feel the sensations in your body.
You talk through, you'd like talk to yourself.
You give yourself those little reminders of you're safe, it's okay to feel this.
It's okay that you don't fully know why.
And you can even ask yourself questions like, okay, and if I could put an emotion with it, what do I think the emotion would be? If I was just to take a guess. We're not playing some game show where a million dollars is on the line and we have to get it right, this can really be all right. What do I think is coming up? If I were just to give myself permission to take some guesses, if I did know what this was about, if I could put something to it.
And sometimes what's helpful too is to look at the thesaurus or wordhipo.com is a great place to start looking at all. Right. I'm feeling something similar to this. What else could be there? And this is why I believe so strongly in the feelings wheel because this is where we can start to get a little more nuanced and see what is really underneath these different layers. At the end of the day, it's not just the surface layer emotion. It's not just the surface layer frustration or anger or sadness. Often there are deeper layers that we want to get to and this is how we start to allow emotions so that we don't need to eat over them. We learn how to create safety for them and this is part of what it looks like to meet your emotional needs. I don't need anybody else to fix this for me. I don't need them to say or do anything.
I look how to self soothe and re regulate within myself without needing someone else or something else.
This is the core of what I help you do when you come and work with me.
This is what it means to become your own dream girl and to become the best version of yourself is you learn how to meet these needs for yourself. You learn how to stop turning to someone else or something else to regulate your nervous system to make you think better, to get you into a different emotional state. And sometimes what we have to do is we have to carry this emotion with us. The intensity of it has decreased.
I'm more at neutral and I'm going to take it with me into my next coaching call, into the next podcast recording when I go to teach body pump. Like this is going to come with me throughout the day, but it's not a problem. It's going to sit in the back seat. It's not driving the car, it's not driving the vehicle. It's not telling me where I'm going and what I'm doing. But I can bring that emotion with me and know that everything's okay. I don't have to be peppy and high vibe and amazing all the time.
I think sometimes I will look physically uncomfortable. I will look like I'm in pain. Right. I don't have to have that level of being in the pit of the pain and the discomfort.
This becomes our work. This is how we create safety in new relationships. It's how we learn how to trust ourselves after divorce, after toxic relationships. It's how we learn how to create safety around food. Because not only is there diet trauma impacting our food choices, there's often relationship trauma and relationship dynamics that are impacting our food choices.
So if you want to feel in control and safe and comfortable and at ease with food. A part of that is looking at how to create the peace and ease and comfort within my body as a whole so that I'm not turning to food to do that.
And now I feel in control of myself, of my emotions, of what I'm experiencing.
And I can also surrender and bring in this level, in this aspect of, like, surrendering what the real thing is and trusting that the answers will come to me in the right time.
And there are going to be some things that I process through and I'm aware of today.
There are going to be some things that probably come up over the next two days.
And there might be some things where this is a part of a larger series, where this is maybe weeks or months in the making of different things coming together. And I'm open to receiving the message. I also don't need the right answer right in this moment. So there's the releasing of the timeline. There's the releasing and this, like, surrender of what it actually means, and this. We don't need to decode everything a hundred percent all the time right in the moment. We're not always going to have that opportunity. And sometimes the answers just aren't there. But when we ask ourselves those questions, when we open up to what else is going on, I guarantee your brain, your subconscious, will give you the answers.
And this happens time and time again with clients. A day later, a couple days later, they will message me and they'll be like, oh, my gosh, I realized the answer to that question you asked me. I didn't quite have an answer in the moment, but it hit me as I was driving home. It hit me while I was out walking the dog. It hit me at this other time of realizing as they're piecing together these different aspects and also just letting the brain process.
Because so often with trauma, especially relationship trauma, but also, I would say we're more in the lens of relationship trauma here, that anytime we are activated, we are dysregulated.
Anytime this comes up, it's reminding us of something. There are often other pieces that we are trying to reconcile that we're trying to put together and wanting to not lash out in response, and also wanting to have some compassion. And it's the willingness to be still, the willingness to sit in the silence, close your eyes, hand on your heart, breathe.
Notice all that you're feeling, and you can just let it be there.
Sometimes you're going to talk to yourself, but sometimes it is truly being still, being silent, and noticing what's coming up, noticing how the energy and the vibrations might be moving, where they're moving, what else is happening.
And sometimes what is actually moving and coming up for you might be an accumulation of things. As I was processing through something a couple weeks ago, I noticed I had this big response, ended up in tears to a very small minor problem.
And there were a couple of reasons for it. One was this fear of abandonment and this trigger that came up of something similar that had happened.
There's the story that I was telling myself about it. There's this lack of forgiveness and this need to be perfect and never make a mistake.
And there was also recognizing the day before I felt just off. I don't know if it was sadness or grief, but there was something that was just off about the day. And so there was this lingering aspect. And when I scale back, right when we scale up and we get that higher level picture now, it's like, oh yeah, the day before I was a little off. And that whole week things felt a little bit off or thing. This is what I was feeling, this is what I was experiencing. And noticing when there's anxiety or pressure or fear or grief or anything else that's just compounding. And sometimes it is more just like the cherry on top. The cherry is not the problem, but it's more of the piece that goes on top, the piece that maybe triggers more of the emotional response or the tears or the bigger sensations. Sometimes that is an accumulation of things that we don't always fully recognize or we don't want to recognize, we don't want to admit. You know, like I don't want to feel the anxiety, I don't want to feel the grief or the heartache. I want to stay positive and look on the bright side. Sometimes I want to smash all of those negative emotions down. I still do. That has been my M.O. my entire life. There is still going to be an inclination for me even now to want to diminish. Say, it's not that bad, it's not a big deal, it doesn't need to be here.
Sometimes they are things that really are not even connected in terms of the people involved or what you're feeling. It's just the compounding weight of the emotion. And so when we think about emotions as like a beach ball, anytime that you are in the pool and you are trying to stuff that beach ball under the water, it pops back up, right? You let go, you lose the willpower, you lose the stamina and it pops up as you're stuffing that beach Ball down. It's not always just one thing, one emotion, one situation, one person. It's not just one. It's this accumulation of things. And then something triggers it. It doesn't matter what it is, but it's one thing has the power to trigger it to where it all pops up.
And that's what we want to explore with a lot of love and a lot of compassion.
This is what the healing process looks like. This is what the healing work looks like. This is how we don't just create the body we crave, but the life that we crave. A life that lights you up. Because I want you to be the best version of yourself. I want you to be your own dream girl, to be the woman of your own dreams.
I want that passion and spark and fire to light within you.
And yes, let's focus on the body 100%.
But I want to help you to rediscover yourself, to rebirth a new you on purpose, with intention, from desire.
That's what this is all about. That's part of why the name of the podcast changed this year. That's part of why I'm renaming some of the programs and how I work with people. And I love this name of body you crave. I think that will stay the business name for a while, but within that, it's so much more than the body. One on one coaching. It doesn't necessarily have a name, but as I look at this group and this group that I'm creating that I'm now planning out is the vision of, all right, I'm giving myself three years with this one offer.
It's not going to be a let's see how this goes, or let me give it a try for a month or two, three years is my commitment to building out this program and to making it amazing. Which means that it has to be more than just the body, because that's really what's at play and this is what coaching looks like. If I were to give you a behind the scenes snapshot of what do you actually do? How do you actually help me? What does this really look like? This is part of what we do.
So that you have a better experience of your life, so that you walk away feeling lighter and cleaner and refreshed, reinvigorated, so that you no longer feel at the mercy of food or things around you, so that you don't feel like you have to be on edge or white knuckling or on pins and needles, going to a holiday party or a cookie swap or any type of Event, especially around the holidays, but really any time of year.
So that no matter what's going on in your personal life or with your job, with your kids, that you can regulate your own emotions. And you don't need that glass of wine at the end of the night to unwind. You don't need the chips or the cookies at the end of the night to escape, to feel better, to relax.
This is the work that we do.
Yes, part of it is going to be the body.
All right, I want to help you to create your dream girl body. Weight loss without punishment, without restriction, without needing willpower.
But there's also the dream girl mindset. The emotional stability, the clarity, the willingness and the ability to name your dreams and go after them. The dream girl love story ending. The patterns that started in childhood. Finding the person of your dreams by becoming your own dream girl. When I am the love of my life now, I can naturally attract someone who thinks of me in that same way. I'm not out there trying to be his dream girl because I am healing the patterns within me that need to be his, that need his approval, that need him in some way to do anything. But we gotta break those patterns. You want a healthy, romantic relationship. Now, as an adult, we're gonna heal the adult relationship trauma, but there's also gonna be childhood trauma. And we've got to be able to recognize and see those patterns and learn how to heal them, how to meet your emotional needs.
Part of it is noticing what's coming up for you and creating safety to feel it.
And we get to a place of neutral, calm, stability.
And sometimes it's just, oh, we went from like, high anxiety to low level anxiety. And now we just take that with us throughout the day. Because ultimately, I want you to create your dream girl life.
The confidence, the energy, the ease, the habits, the career, the vision that you have, I want to help you bring that to life.
And it's going to feel a little scary because sometimes we're afraid of failing and we're afraid of failing in front of others. We're afraid of failing in front of a coach and not being good enough, making mistakes. We can be afraid of doing that in front of other people.
But that's part of what this group program is all about, is bringing together a community of women who are all doing it together.
And a rising tide lifts all boats.
It does not matter exactly where you are. In the process, you can find your healing, your growth, that future vision for your life. I'm going to help you create it and put it into practice.
Because we're not just hungry for love, we are hungry for healing. We are hungry for wholeness. We are hungry to feel good enough about ourselves.
And everything that you want, everything is already within you. But I'm gonna help it come to the surface. It has just been stuffed down. You've stuffed down all of your emotions, all your dreams, all your desires. I'm going to help you bring that all to the surface so that you can truly transform the way you see yourself. So you can truly rebuild and uplevel your self concept.
Are you ready to become your own dream girl?
That's what this is all about.
If you want to do this and you are ready to do this in 2026, this is the best opportunity, this is the best time. And I'm the perfect coach for you to help you navigate all of these pieces and to bring together these aspects of healing and emotions and mindset, with habits, with food, with all of the trauma that you have experienced. And knowing when we need that love and compassion and that soft side, that soft hand, and when we need to have those harder confronting girl, get your shit together moments because you are a fucking badass. And you can do hard things. You have been doing hard things your entire life. But sometimes that hard thing that you've been doing has been stuffing you down and making yourself small. And now we are going to do different hard things. They're still going to be hard, they're still going to be uncomfortable, but they are going to be you standing up and owning your power and owning that vision that God has put inside of you for what you want in your life. And you're going to start going after it and that will feel scary as shit sometimes. And that's why you need a coach, that's why you need a community. That's why this is the perfect container for you. This is how you're going to blow your mind next year. And I know that there are some of you listening who feel really inspired, really lit up with this message.
This is your time. Let's make it amazing.
It's time to blow your own mind in all the best ways.
And I'm going to help you do that.
Your next best step is to schedule a free consultation and let's talk more about what level of support is best for you, how you feel encouraged, supported, motivated. What you need for some people, they want that one on one support. And you will also have opportunities to join the group as well. So you'll get one on one plus the group or you can Come in and just do the group. And the group is amazing because now you see other women who are going through the same thing side by side. And when somebody else is getting coached, it's like you're receiving that coaching too. You're like, oh, yeah, that comes up for me too.
And now you have this community of women and you start to see it's not me. I'm not the only one. I thought it was just me. I was so stuck in my shame and my pit. And this is part of what the podcast is all about, is talking about the taboo topics, talking about the things that often bring us shame and have us hiding and no longer hiding, to create that same safe space where you can show up with everything and anything and feel loved and supported and encouraged.
This is your year. This is your time to change, to transform, to renew yourself from the inside out.
And as you lose the mental and emotional weight, the mental and emotional baggage and trauma, and you really focus on that healing aspect that nobody else is teaching you, no other weight loss program is teaching you. I promise you, the weight comes off faster, the weight comes off easier. The food becomes less enticing because you are creating a life that is so fun and adventurous and joyful. You don't need food to be that for you. You stop turning to food as the highlight of your day because your day is so amazing you can't believe. It's like, pinch me. Is this real life? This feels too good to be true. And we're going to work through that because that is often when self sabotage wants to come up, when we're afraid, when we can't believe the goodness, when we have this hesitation around allowing ourselves to feel good and to feel safe in the good. We're gonna work on that too. And I'm the best person to help you. This is my zone of genius. This is how I've been gifted. This is part of my human design. This is part of my God given gifts and strengths and talents. And it's to take these bigger esoteric concepts, the things that maybe feel confusing and overwhelming, and to break it down into bite sized small steps, A simple path that you can take and it's all customized to the person.
Yes, there's an overarching path that we're going on. There's an overarching philosophy and approach or methodology, and then I show you how to apply it to yourself. I show you how to make this work for you. We don't lose weight in a vacuum. We don't find the love of our Lives in a vacuum. We don't find those new jobs, like, we have got to break out of life, needing to be perfect or look a certain way in order for us to heal.
And there might be times over the next year where there's going to be temptation to fall back into old patterns, old habits. That old survival mechanism that has been so deeply ingrained. And that's okay. That's why you come to calls. That's why you show up in the Facebook community. That's why you message me on Voxer. That is the prime time for when you reach out and get support. Not from a place of shame and I'm not good enough, but from a place of recognizing. Ah. This is when I would normally go left and now I want to go right, but there's something stopping me. It's simple, but it doesn't always feel easy in the moment.
And that's the thing. This process is fairly simple, but it doesn't always feel easy. Because of our trauma, because of how we've been trained, because of these patterns and these habits that we have grown up with. It's just the old identity that is really what's at play. An old identity, old patterns, old ways where we have prioritized past habits, past safety.
We learned to abandon ourself, to abandon our goals, to abandon our dreams. We developed this identity from a place of who do they want me to be? And it was done from a place of survival.
And we can be grateful for those aspects. We can thank those parts of us that learned how to survive. And now we can soothe her and calm her, those little parts of us. And we can show her a new way, a different way.
And she's going to feel a little scared, it's going to feel a little uncomfortable because we're doing new things. And new will always feel unfamiliar. New will always feel dangerous. New will always feel scary, even when it's what we say we want. That's why you need a coach. That's why you need a community. That's why this is the perfect fit for you. So I will drop a link, as always, in the description to schedule your consultation. You can Visit me at bodyucrave.com forward/schedule. Find a day and time on my calendar and let's talk through this. And I will help you to figure out what the next step looks like for you. Not only are we going to look at the next year and what you want the next year to look like, but I'll help you to see the obstacles and the challenges, the real Things that get in your way and how to overcome them, how to start seeing them differently, how to empower yourself, where to put that time, energy, and focus.
This is what it's all about.
And no matter what, you're gonna walk away from this call with more awareness around the real problem, the real challenges, how to break free.
This is your time.
All right. I think sometimes these podcasts that are a little more off the cuff and just inspired by daily life, they never turn out exactly like I think, but in all the best ways. That's part of what's so fun about this, is leaning into what I'm going through, what I notice, what I come up with. And this is also your permission of. You don't have to be perfect and I don't want you to be afraid of, oh, no, I'm going to be wrestling with this for the rest of my life. No, no, no, you're going to see it. You're gonna be able to turn down the volume on all the shitty thoughts and thinking. You're gonna be able to redirect your brain, redirect your emotions, process through things so much faster. Like, this just becomes more of a. Rather than getting upset at yourself for having those default patterns or thoughts, you now can notice them and know what to do in response to them better. And it becomes easier to pivot, easier to shift, easier to notice.
So don't be afraid. I don't want you to feel like, oh, I'm going to be wrestling with this forever. But it's okay that you're not perfect. It's okay that I notice. Oh, yep. I still want to stuff down emotions sometimes.
Yep, I noticed this is what's coming up. And I can also see how that's probably what's blocking me.
[00:46:47] Speaker A: Yep, I can see. This is why I'm not creating what I want. Even if I'm doing all the right things.
Your subconscious will always win. That safety mechanism in your brain will always win. And that is all that is happening, is we need to create new levels of safety. As you lose the weight, as you start dating, as you build new friendships, as you go after and pursue other jobs or businesses, it's all about creating that safety so that you don't jump into this scared shitless zone just to flip, fly back into your comfort zone in that survival mechanism.
All right, I hope you all have a fabulous day. Have a fabulous week or weekend. I don't know when this is going to air exactly, but here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:47:37] Speaker A: If this episode resonated with you. It's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic, toxic relationships. Your next step?
Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyucrave.com.
[00:48:10] Speaker A: BTC.
It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you how.
