[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally, break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back.
[00:00:26] All right, so today we are going to dive into this topic and kind of concept when we often question and wonder, will this work for me? And this is something that has come up on many calls that I've done with potential clients over the last month or so. And this is real, right? Like, I think this is an honest concern of, but will this work for me? And even looking at, like, how do I know this is going to work? Can you guarantee that this is going to work? Can I guarantee that this is going to work? And this is a very normal place for our brain to be, especially when we've tried things in the past that didn't work. We've tried things before where we lost the weight, but we gained it back. I think sometimes we can feel like, I've been in programs where it felt like a bait and switch, where it was like, oh, you don't need willpower. And then I get in and she's like, oh, yep, you gotta count macros. And she didn't tell me I needed willpower, but I realized in order to follow this ridiculous plan, I would definitely need willpower. And so that's not really her fault. But in her mind, I don't think she needed willpower. For me, though, as somebody with binge eating, emotional eating habits, chronic dieting, really extreme food rules, I was not the right fit for her program, which I see now, which is why I struggled so much. It's normal, though, why we would have some fear and hesitation, a little uncertainty and really self doubt about, can I do this? Can I really lose the weight? Can I really bet on myself?
[00:01:46] And sometimes it shows up as well. I don't want to spend the money. And it's because we don't have money to waste. We don't have money to spend if it's not going to work. I totally get that. It's like, our willingness to spend money will often show our belief or our disbelief, and this is a good thing. So one of my big goals for clients is to be able to help them make better decisions and for them to learn and figure out a process for themselves to make decisions and to, like, the reasons for why they're making it. And so one of the podcasts I Did.
[00:02:19] Oh, years ago, actually. I'll look this up because it was so good. So episode 126 was making decisions from desire, not just food from February of this year. Ooh, that's such a good one. I'm like, I forgot about that episode.
[00:02:34] Episode 46, which is the one I was thinking of, is from May 22nd.
[00:02:39] So you're gonna have to scroll back to the May of 22 era. And that is how to make better decisions. And in that first episode, I walk you through how I started making decisions in terms of what do I gain. I think when we look at pros and cons and we try to factor in all of these things and what about this and that versus what do I gain from this? What do I gain by not buying this or not investing in this? And so I think about it, I've made my decisions around coaching with this lens and it's been so useful because I look at, okay, what do I gain by investing with this coach or this program? What am I going to learn? What is she helping me to do? What does this look like? And then I look at what do I gain by not investing in it? And typically it's okay. So I gain a certain amount of money that stays in my bank account or it stays available on my credit card, and that's about it. Maybe there's a sense of peace or calm around the money, but it's just your thought, right? It's your thought about any types of feelings or emotions about the money being there or not being there that just comes from the way you're thinking about it. And so when I look at different coaches and even this last mastermind I'm in, I wrote out on a board and I said, okay, what do I gain by joining and investing in this? And I had, I don't know, 812 things in the what I gained by investing the money, investing in myself, in my brain, and how I'm showing up in my life.
[00:04:03] And I would much rather invest in this coach, invest in this program, invest in myself and use this money to create more of what it is that I want in every part of life. And sometimes it's life coaching. One time it was divorce coaching. One time it's more business related and more of a business mastermind. So it's like this is going to give me and help me create and learn the things so that I have these skills for the rest of my life. And that's how I think about it with weight loss is I don't want to just teach you how to lose 30 pounds. This year I want to teach you how to lose 30 pounds, keep it off for life, teach you how to maintain it in a place where you feel calm and comfortable, where you've navigated the emotional eating or any binge eating or binge drinking, where you feel really calm and in control around food and alcohol long term to where it's no longer on your mind, you're no longer spending extra money on wine and food and snacks. And it's not just this year, it's next year and it's in 2030 and 2040 and 2050. Like, I want to help you heal your nervous system, heal your mind, body, soul, so that you can create healthy love, healthy partnerships, so that you're not continuing to date a bunch of NAR douchebags. The long term ramifications of what you will do, you will create incredible results this month, this year, when you come work with me. But I know that the results will continue to compound next year. And one of the biggest things is like, when you feel calm and at ease on the scale around food, around alcohol, then if the scale does go up a couple pounds outside of your maintenance range, you don't freak out. And you're also not apathetic and like, oh, whatever, guess that didn't work. You're like, no, no, no, I've got the tools. I, I just need to check in and make some slight shifts or tweaks or make these little adjustments and now the scale comes back down. And I did this in December. So December I noticed the end of the month the scale was up a couple pounds. And I give myself a range of 120 to 125. So for me on my frame at all of 5 foot 3, that feels like a good weight.
[00:06:08] It's a lifestyle weight that I can maintain and feel really good in my body. And then at the end of December, it was like 127. So it was up a little bit, not huge. But I was like, okay, I give myself a good range, I want to stay there.
[00:06:23] So now here's what I want to look at. And part of it is evaluating and understanding. Okay, why was the scale up a couple pounds? Even if it's just a couple, not to freak out, because my brain also, I will admit it, totally wanted to freak the crap out. The initial response. And then it was like, no, you know what you're doing, You've got this right. It's calming and soothing our nervous system to now be able to look at, oh, what was Going on in December, I had a lot of events, a lot of things that I was doing. And there were a lot of fun social events, business events, things with my son. And I realized there was a week where I had five events and I think I had two drinks at least at each event. So I'm like, okay, there's a week where I'm now drinking at least 10 drinks. So I'm like, oh, that's just more than I want to be drinking. And so it's something where I can say, okay, now instead of drinking five days a week, how about I cut that back to 2 to 3. And really what felt best for me was to say, okay, I'm going to do three, I want to stay three or less. And then it was very easy to get down to two. And to do two or less versus almost every day it's being able to do that. You don't have that skill when you just go and do another program, when you just do another diet, when you just try harder, just exercise more. Part of this is really healing your relationship with food and body.
[00:07:38] It's noticing when your brain wants to freak out, when your nervous system wants to freak out, when it wants to fall back into those default patterns and being able to calmly bring yourself out of it.
[00:07:50] This also came up for me in dating this week a little bit. Wednesday night there was tentative plans of maybe I would go out and meet somebody. And then I ended up not. And I didn't text him until after I knew the the trivia had started after he, they would have been done, they would have been over. And I was like, ugh, I should have just messaged him sooner. And I should have said, hey, I'm feeling really on a roll and inspired business wise. So I'm just gonna stay in, I'm gonna do a couple things and then I'm gonna relax. Can we touch base? Can we hang out tomorrow night or offer up another suggestion? But I waited. I didn't message him until 8:30 or maybe 9. And then I was just apologizing for, sorry I didn't reach out sooner. And I was like, okay, I don't really like how I'm showing up there. And here's what I'm gonna do differently next time. And also noticing there was some anxiety there of, oh no, is he gonna stop talking to me? Oh no, have I created this really big problem? Is he gonna be really upset? There was past relationship trauma and my body and my brain remembering things from the past where it was like, oh, maybe this Was not okay. And really it's like, no, this was really not a big deal. And moving forward, if I'm not gonna go do something with someone, I wanna get better at telling them no sooner and not feeling bad, not feeling responsible or responsible for their emotions.
[00:09:03] They can self regulate. And so it's just, it's a process, it's learning. And it's okay when these defaults come back, but I could very quickly notice, oh, my heart's racing, my stomach's tensing. Okay, I just need to breathe and remind myself I am safe. Nothing has gone wrong, we're okay. But it's triggered some of that kind of. I don't know if it was like abandonment or there's this combo of I'm doing a bad thing, I'm doing the wrong thing. So these defaults are still going to come up from time to time. And it's really about not making it a problem and learning and knowing I know how to deal with this. I know how to self soothe, I know how to feel better, I know how to calm my brain and my body down.
[00:09:42] And that's what I teach you how to do.
[00:09:45] It's not just about the weight and also more than just our thoughts and like belief and the mindset piece, it's really about understanding our bodies and the way that this has been working and learning to fall in love and create a life that you don't need, an escape from. A life that is so lit up and so fulfilled and so amazing. And I wanted to share some client testimonials and some success stories and also know that somebody else's ability to get results really has no impact on you.
[00:10:16] They are not gonna be choosing what you eat. They are not gonna be choosing how you move your body. They're not gonna be helping you process urges and cravings. Right? And so really it's what other people have done, what other people can do really has no bearing on what you can do.
[00:10:31] You get to decide this and this is where like you have to decide. I am my own best bet. I am my own guarantee. And I have found that with some of my more successful clients, I don't want to say like best as in others are worst, but for the ones who were able to create the results that they wanted to be able to lose the weight, end emotional eating, work on their body image, feel more comfortable in their body. One of the things that they came in with was this thought of, I'm gonna figure this out, I'm 100% gonna lose the weight. I'm gonna do this. I'm willing to learn. And part of this is an I'm willing to make mistakes, I'm willing to get it wrong so that I can learn how to get it right.
[00:11:15] And they come and ask for coaching. They say, what's going wrong? They don't show up to coaching calls expecting themselves to be perfect, right? Because if they were already showing up perfectly, they wouldn't need me. They would already have the life and the body they craved already.
[00:11:29] So they came knowing that's where we troubleshoot, that's where we work through things.
[00:11:34] But when you come into it with this thought of, I'm gonna figure this out, I am committed, I am all in. And this is exactly what led to me figuring out my emotional eating and being able to lose the weight was because I went into it so convicted. So in belief of I am going to make this work. It is not normal for me to be overeating every single day. For me to be emotionally eating at lunch. Even though I couldn't quite tie all of the emotions in, I knew this was not where I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I don't care how long it takes, I really don't. I am going to solve this. There was so much drive and so much belief, and I did try some things that didn't work at first. And I was able to let those go, not get hung up on it and just say, okay, what's next? What do I need to try next? How can I evaluate better? What has been really fascinating is my emotional eating and weight loss journey in the beginning mirrored my business growth and journey. And I started to notice how I grew. My business was in similar ways how I was losing weight and ending emotional eating. So it was really fun and fascinating to see how these two paths have been running parallel.
[00:12:45] But the clients who are the most successful in creating the results that they want, they come into it with that same approach. Doesn't mean that they're always perfect, that they don't have moments of self doubt or uncertainty. But they come in and they're like, yes, I'm going to do this.
[00:13:00] There's no hesitation. There's no, we'll see. There's no prove it to me. There's no, can you, Jillian, guarantee I'm going to lose weight? I'm going to put my faith and trust in you. But really, your faith and trust has to be more so in yourself.
[00:13:15] Yes, you can put faith and trust in me. And there's got to be some trust There, right. There's got to be some belief, but a lot has to be in yourself. And knowing that when you make a mistake, you've got your own back. You're not going to throw yourself under the bus when you have this idea and this concept of, I'm gonna figure this out, I'm going to do this, we're willing to try new things.
[00:13:37] You're willing to be honest with yourself and then by default with me so that I can help you troubleshoot, so that I can help you break free. And where some clients would have problems, and we've worked on this, is they would come in, they would not want to tell me because they were beating themselves up and they knew, especially after a couple weeks, couple months of working with me, they're like, oh, yeah, I knew you weren't gonna beat me up, but I was doing that. And so that's a big piece is like, we have to change your self talk.
[00:14:06] To feel disappointed or frustrated and to have somebody to reach out to for support, to feel supported on this journey, that you're not just throwing spaghetti at the wall, you're not just, eh, I'll just try harder because that's not working.
[00:14:19] I'm gonna teach you how to be nicer to yourself, how to believe better things about yourself, to start to notice the shame spiral that you may get into and to be able to catch it sooner and sooner so that you're not going down, that you let go of that shame spiral.
[00:14:35] I'm gonna teach you how to get back on track faster without needing to overcompensate. So we're not trying to make up for what we ate last night or what we drank last night or last week or over the holidays or over your vacation.
[00:14:48] But you gotta be able to learn from it and we get right back on track. And I teach you how to get back on track faster.
[00:14:55] The most successful clients, it's not that they never get off track, it's that they come back on track smoothly and they learn how to do it faster and faster every time it happens. And we start to look at patterns and look at what's coming up. Is it every weekend they feel they're going off course? All right, this is good. This is giving us more data, more to work with. Is it special occasions? Is it when you travel out of town? We want to start to find what is really happening, but we got to be able to break it down.
[00:15:23] And this is the type of work that typically we don't know how to do on our own. Otherwise we'd be doing it. And so we. But we have to learn it. We have to learn how to do it. I've got a process and a way where I'm going to bring in the mindset aspects as well as the tactical so that you can lose the weight in a steady, consistent, sustainable way.
[00:15:42] You feel calm and confident keeping it off.
[00:15:45] You let go of and released your emotional eating patterns and habits and you're learning from them.
[00:15:51] You're healing your mind, your body, your nervous system. You're healing these relationships with people and food and yourself.
[00:15:59] This is what I'm all about. So let me just share some client stories because. And I'm gonna share this like over the next couple of weeks. I'll probably intersperse these in some other episodes. But I've had incredible, amazing clients and I want to be mindful of their privacy. So I want to leave out any big identifying markers. So I'm going to also use initials S.
[00:16:18] I think she had such a great experience of really creating a healthy relationship with food, with sugar, feel more comfortable and confident, moderating. She lost 10 pounds in November and December.
[00:16:31] So over the holidays she lost weight instead of gained weight while traveling across the country, while road tripping. Right. Like she's in the car, she's driving. While still enjoying family events and get togethers, while still enjoying things with friends.
[00:16:47] And in one of the busiest, often what's considered one of the more stressful times of the year, where there's more food, there are more drinks, she was able to lose weight without feeling deprived, while still enjoying her favorite things, without having to say, no, I can't eat that, or no, I can't have my favorite holiday stuff or my even having a snack or candy or anything. On her road trips, that was so fun and exciting to see her feel proud and confident of herself and also to remind her you're doing this during one of the more challenging times. That's amazing.
[00:17:23] I had another client also s and she lost £20 in about four months.
[00:17:29] Four months. Now in this time she also was having surgery, so she lost a little bit of weight. She was maintaining for a little bit. And then she kept losing weight after the surgery, but she couldn't exercise. So again, I think sometimes we over rely on things and exercise is one of those we can over rely on diet rules and what we're supposed to eat or not eat. And then we over rely on exercise. Now I always encourage people to move their body. That's what we want. Move your body in a way that feels fun, but I call it movement.
[00:17:58] Sometimes we have a little diet PTSD around things like exercise, right? And so if you love CrossFit or you love Zumba or you love swimming, like doesn't matter, you move your body in the way that you love, the way that you enjoy and we start to play with and look at what else might you want to incorporate, what else might you want to do, right? Have some fun with it.
[00:18:20] So she wasn't really able to exercise much, but she still lost 20 pounds in four months.
[00:18:25] And she felt so much better about her body.
[00:18:28] She ended her emotional eating and that habit especially around overeating at dinner and then emotionally eating afterwards.
[00:18:35] And she really tuned into what else brings her pleasure and joy and happiness and giving herself permission to do that at the end of the night.
[00:18:44] She was also a new mom. Her daughter was, she was in that one year old stage. She was working a full time job. There were a lot of other things to put her time and energy towards and she also made this a priority and created amazing results for herself.
[00:19:02] Another client A lost 25 pounds in six months and really tuned into her body, stopped overeating, stopped emotionally eating and really was able to figure out and listen to her hunger and satiety signals.
[00:19:15] So it was like she knew what hunger felt like in her body and she knew the difference between I'm physically hungry and my body needs fuel versus I have mouth hunger or I'm emotionally hungry and I'm wanting to eat because I'm at a party and everybody else is eating to be able to know the difference, to be able to say no to food from a place of self love because she knew I don't need this right now, I'm actually not hungry.
[00:19:40] Food solves hunger, it doesn't solve my emotions.
[00:19:43] And she did amazing.
[00:19:46] And the last client I'll tell you about today are he lost 35 pounds in six months. There were some weeks that were bigger than others. Like some weeks it was four pounds, one week it was nine pounds, right? Like sometimes there were these big drops but then it also balanced out because some weeks it was one to two pounds. And one of the big things we worked on was for him to regulate and manage his expectations. So that way he didn't get discouraged on the moments and the weeks if it was one to two pounds or after losing about 20 pounds and now the scale feels a little stalled. Making peace with that and knowing his body is also making sure that it's safe to keep losing weight because what happens especially if it's £20 in. Can't remember now if it was two and a half or three months. It was relatively quick but still sustainable for what he wanted to do. And he was able to tune into his body and notice like, ah, my body just needs a couple weeks to maintain.
[00:20:42] And this was also really good because we could look at habits and consistency. What was he thinking and telling himself? Where was their emotional eating coming up? Or was there any? Because sometimes our bodies just need to know that it's safe, that there's not a famine, he is not starving, and it's okay to keep losing weight. Like from a physiological standpoint, sometimes our bodies need that. And it's not getting discouraged on those times. It's not throwing in the towel and being like, yeah, screw it. I guess this didn't work and giving up. Because so often that's what happens. We hit a roadblock, we hit an obstacle, something comes up and it doesn't meet our expectations. And we tell ourselves something's gone wrong. And really that's the big issue, is the idea of, oh, something's gone wrong. See, it's not going to work. It's not going to keep working. This was too good to be true. I don't want to get my hopes up too much because I don't want to feel disappointed. It's being able to work through all of that. I was going back to look at some of my notes from past clients, and with him in particular, we had set a goal for him that was gonna span about seven weeks. He hit his goal three weeks early. So what he thought was gonna take seven weeks actually took him about four.
[00:21:49] There are gonna be times when it feels a bit challenging, or we're working through some things with habits, with our emotions, with our body.
[00:21:57] And there are also gonna be times where you too are gonna blow your own mind because you're gonna be like, oh, my gosh, I set this goal. And then I just, I doubled it. What he wanted to lose in two months, he ended up doing in about one.
[00:22:10] And you can do this too. They are not special snowflakes, they are not special unicorns. But you have to dig in and tap into what is it that you want to create. What do you want to achieve this year? And are you willing to give it to yourself?
[00:22:24] Because just like I talked about last week, there's what we want and what stops us is often an emotion.
[00:22:31] What do you have to be willing to feel in order to invest in yourself, in order to believe in yourself?
[00:22:38] And are you going to stop making decisions out of fear and self doubt and start making decisions from a belief of I can do this, yes, I can. That's something that I say in body pump all the time, especially towards the end of the track or if we're ending with something hard, challenging.
[00:22:56] Yes, you can. Yes, you can do this.
[00:22:59] You can do this too.
[00:23:00] And I'll be with you to guide you. That's one of the benefits of working with a coach, is you've got someone there to celebrate and to show you what's possible. To help you blow your own mind and to also help pick you back up when you fall down.
[00:23:13] To keep you from beating yourself up. To help you focus on the optimal angle and seeing how far you've come and all the progress you've made and how good you're really doing.
[00:23:23] Especially on those days when we aren't meeting our own expectations, you could be crushing it. But if your expectation was higher and there's still a gap, you're still not there yet. It's still not going to feel good.
[00:23:36] This is your one life, your one precious life. And I was thinking about this last night. I got some really sad news. One of my mom's close friends has had cancer off and on for several years, had went away and then it came back earlier this year and we got a message that she's going into hospice care.
[00:23:53] I was never super close with her and yet it hits hard and I am so sad for her and for her husband.
[00:24:02] It just breaks my heart. She's such a fun, engaging, witty, sometimes snarky person.
[00:24:09] She is incredible. I absolutely love her. And even though I didn't get to spend a ton of time with her, I really always valued and respected what she did, how she showed up for herself, just how she led herself. And to think that for her the end of her life is near.
[00:24:27] Within a matter of weeks, maybe days.
[00:24:30] And it reminds me that this is our one life.
[00:24:34] This is our one precious life that we have. With this level of awareness and consciousness and belief in who we are and what we can do, it's easy for me to think that I'm going to grow old, to be 95, 100. How do I want to spend those years?
[00:24:51] Even if I only have one year left, even if I have three years left, we can fall into these swings, right? We swing from these big pendulums that we often think we have so much time and then we're like, oh no, if I've only got. If I've only got one day to live or One week to live and then we're kind of like, whatever, who cares? And we have to plan on, yeah, there may be 50 years left of your life, 60 years left, and if you do have 50 or 60 years left, how do you want to spend them? Do you want to be binging? Do you want to be emotionally eating?
[00:25:20] Do you want to feel stuck and frustrated around food? Or do you want to change that? Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling at peace and calm and in control? Do you want to set a better example for your sons and your daughters around creating healthy relationships with food and alcohol, healthy relationships with other people to show them what's possible, to help them break free of the all or nothing extremes that the world is going to show them and the world's going to tell them. This is how we operate, this is how we do it.
[00:25:47] Regardless of how much time you might have left, how do you want to spend it? This just got me thinking, how often we wait until tomorrow?
[00:25:56] We wait for next month, we wait for the fall, we wait for the new year. We spend a lot of time putting things off and waiting.
[00:26:04] We think that there's a better time to get started, time when it's going to be easier, you're going to feel more excited, more driven and really, now is the best time.
[00:26:14] Starting last week, last month, that may have been better, but let's start now.
[00:26:19] You're never out of time. It's always the best time to get started.
[00:26:23] As I think about it, I've had some people say that they want to start in September and I'm like, that's absolutely fine, you can totally start in September. But why not spend the next six or seven weeks losing 10 or 15 pounds? Why not get closer to your goals? Why not feel more in control around food? Why not start to learn your habits and break them? And the eating cycles and the drinking cycles that you wanna break, why not start now?
[00:26:47] Often we do think it's gonna be easier, something about it's gonna be better. And there's no better time. This is your time.
[00:26:55] This is your one body, your one life. I wanna help you make it amazing, mind blowing, amazing and every, every area.
[00:27:03] And we will for sure hit the food and body and how you feel just in your own skin. If you're ready to go, if you are ready and one of the people who wants to lose 30 pounds this year by the end of the year, I would love to help you. You can schedule your free
[email protected] schedule and let's fucking go. Y' all ready? I'm on fire. This is one of my favorite times of year. I love heading into the fall as well. I'm going to be on a beach vacation here in a couple weeks. It's going to be so good. And this is your permission to give yourself what you want and to believe in yourself. And maybe this is really your challenge, to believe harder in yourself, to believe harder that you can do it than believing harder in your limitations.
[00:27:49] Can you flip that? Stop believing so hard in your limitations and how you can't and start believing that you can.
[00:27:57] Because I promise you are stronger and more of a badass than you realize.
[00:28:03] All right, I hope you have a fabulous week. Here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:28:12] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step Book your free Break the cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
[00:28:33] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyyoucrave.com VTC.
[00:28:47] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you how.
