Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Hey.
[00:00:24] Speaker A: Hey.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Welcome back.
All right, so I had a different bonus episode planned for today, and it's interesting that it's coming out on September 11th, and we have, I would argue, the anniversary of the largest terrorist attack on the U.S. that's today.
For me personally, it happens to be the anniversary of my former boyfriend passing. And we also have had a lot of news this week around some really tragic events that have happened. Tragic, meaningless, really heartbreaking events.
And I was talking with a client about this earlier in the week about just one thing that had come up, and this is really common, though, that we can get sucked into and down the rabbit hole of what's happening, and our fear and habit brain can just run amok. Today, though, specifically, while I will talk about trauma a little bit more. That was in my original thought was to talk about trauma anniversaries for today, but I think instead that's gonna come later in the season. That'll come a little bit later this year. And right now, I think what's most helpful is how to maintain your emotional stability amidst world or national tragedy, especially when it can be so divisive and so controversial.
Often it's like, in order to protect our peace and protect our inner world and our emotional and mental bandwidth, there's this fear that we will be seen as being cold and heartless, not caring.
And it's this. If you're not for me, you're against me, and you have to prove that you're for me. And you have to do these things and say these things and say this much. Otherwise, you're against me, and that's bad and evil, and I'm going to cut you off and maybe say some, like, really bad things about you in the midst of it all. There are such extremes, and really, the way that I think about it is a little bit different, but that still comes up in my brain, too. There's still this fear of, am I just this cold, heartless bitch? Right? I don't take that super seriously. I don't think it's an honest, genuine, deep belief. It is more of a little bit of a fear of, I don't want to be seen this way, though. But I am really aware and really mindful of my mental, emotional energy and sometimes even our physical energy. Last week I was sick. The recent podcast episodes I'm grateful that I was able to record ahead of time because I was sick. Last week, I practically completely lost my voice for several days. I sounded terrible, even worse than I sound now. It actually reminds me of the Friends episode where Phoebe has her sexy phlegm.
Let me just say, though, this phlegm is not very sexy.
But I can tell there's extra going on. But I want to just explain and share how I think about it. And one of the things that's really important to me is that I have chosen to really guard my mental and emotional energy fiercely. And this means I typically don't watch or read the news.
I also don't often scroll social media.
And when I am on social media, I am mindful of what I am clicking on because the algorithm is going to give me more of what I click on, more of what I engage with. And so if I do find posts or accounts that don't have a narrative that supports what I'm doing, I will unfollow, I will hide, I will find a way to indicate that I don't want more content like this. And actually, this came up recently around dating, and there are a lot of posts and reels and accounts dedicated towards how dating right now is this like giant dumpster fire. And yes. Are there some shitty people on dating apps? Yeah, 100%, because there are just shitty people in the world. It's just inevitable, right? Like, we can't get away from them.
And that's okay. We can get better at sniffing them out and not giving them the time of day. There's that. But I also don't need to be inundated with the apps are terrible and dating is terrible and men are terrible and divorce is terrible. Like, I don't want that. It's not what I want for my life. I want different messaging. And so I'm just really mindful around that. And I use that as an example because I think we can approach the news in much the same way.
Because my mental and emotional energy is precious. It is also finite day to day. And so I think of it as like a glass of water.
And if I have a full glass in the morning, I need to be really careful where I'm willing to tip my glass over and where I'm willing to pour out or spill out some of this emotional energy.
And what happens is sometimes we're just not intentional with where we're pouring it.
And sometimes I think it just, it's almost like it accidentally spills. But then we wonder why we don't have the capacity or the bandwidth. Then at 3pm or 5pm or 8pm it makes it harder to say no to food. It makes it harder to have patience with our kids. It makes it harder to be kind to the person who cuts us off in traffic on our way home.
I want to look at and be aware of where am I putting my bandwidth and how much am I letting my brain run amok and worry about things that I can't control, things that I have no access to, things that, like, really are sensationalized in the news instead of looking at where is my control? What can I change?
And I also want to be really mindful that I am not indulging in debates. I have no desire to get into debating people, but. But I don't want to be debating people in comments. If people leave really rude, snarky comments on Facebook or make posts or things that I just don't agree with, I can unfollow them. I can hide them. I can unfriend them. There are a lot of things that you can do where you are not engaging with other people.
And part of this is letting people show you who they are. Right? You will see who somebody truly is and let them.
Let them show you who they are.
And now the motto becomes, let me now respond in a way that protects my peace, my sanity. Let me now guard and manage my thoughts and my actions and my emotions.
I will read headlines every now and then. So I did get an email alert about the headline about Charlie Kirk, for example, yesterday. And I saw that, and I was heartbroken. And I think I was also very expectant that he was going to survive. I didn't know much about the shooting. I didn't know anything about where he was hit, how many times. I didn't really have any details. I just assumed, okay, he's going to survive. He's going to be just fine. And it was quite shocking when I woke up this morning to the news that he didn't.
And it's. There's a lot of debate. And I think we can find this on all platforms, but I think I see it the most on Facebook.
That is probably where I have more friends, more of a quote audience.
But we really. We do have to protect our energy, not just because it's a finite resource, but because when we allow our energy to indulge in fear and worry and anger and bitterness and rage and all these other aspects, we get so amped up.
And it gets. It's harder for us to bring down our nervous system. It's harder for us to reregulate.
It becomes easier then to also look for coping mechanisms to try to feel better. Right? So it's easy then to turn to food or alcohol or a dating app or scrolling or shopping or something else to try to escape because we're already all jazzed up in not a good way.
This is really your permission to not engage, to disconnect.
Because what happens is we often end up perpetuating a problem like emotional eating because we are so consumed with things outside of us and that aren't happening to us personally. And so I can still grieve, I can still pray, I can still choose to do something meaningful or impactful based on what's happening.
But I'm also going to be really mindful of how much time and energy that is taking up and especially when it comes to. I don't think I mentioned this in the beginning, but today, like, I'm talking specifically about tragedies that happen around the world or within our country, within, maybe within your state, but they do not happen to you personally. So that is the lens in the frame and I should. I meant to start with that. I did not so anything about you personally. I'm gonna save that will be content for later this year. But for right now, I really want to talk about tragedy that happens that maybe is close to home. It maybe impacts a community that you used to live in or maybe it just happens to people that you know of. You may not know them personally, but it doesn't happen to you. It is not a close family member, it's not a close friend. It is more a public figure, a weather crisis, things like that. It's really about noticing that it's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel your emotions, to have your emotions. We are human beings. We are emotional creatures.
This is not a bad thing. Allowing your emotions is one thing, but indulging in news stories and debating and arguing and worst case scenario, thinking in your brain, like when we just indulge in all of that negativity, that's totally different, right? So I want you to allow your emotions to process, to grieve. There was actually watching a video and reading a post today and it like, brought me to tears, like it was truly heartbreaking.
And I also know that it's okay for that emotion to move through me. That's a good thing. And I do not need to spend all day watching live coverage on cnn.
I don't need to spend all day debating people on Facebook and in comments.
That is my energy, my time to protect. And other people are entitled to their opinion.
And I think this is just such a shame and such a waste when it comes to Charlie Kirk in particular and his assassination, is that he advocates for free speech. People don't like what he has to say, and they want to silence him, and they will do it in any way possible. And I find that infuriating because it's like somebody silencing me and wanting to kill me, because I have a different view on weight loss, because I think you can love your body and still want to lose weight, and that's an okay thing to do. There are a lot of people around the world, especially in our country, that don't agree with that, that don't like me for that reason. They don't like what I have to say or my approach or what I teach, and that's fine. But the fact that somebody would think that it would be okay to end my life, to physically harm me in that way or in any way, really, is just appalling.
It is one of those things, though, that I also know is not in my control whatsoever.
One of the things that I have learned is to stop trying to convince people that they're wrong, because it's all an opinion.
And if somebody wants to be wrong in their facts, wrong in their opinions, according to me, I can let them.
I can let them misunderstand me. I can let them misjudge me. I don't have to try to change their mind. Because quite frankly, I don't know if it's just dealing with so many narcs and, like, waking up and realizing how much I have tried to debate and change people's minds, especially about me. And the narcissists in my life in particular, just would not budge. They would not change their mind. But I'm just done. I am done debating. I am freaking exhausted of trying to get people to see me in a good light or to believe the best in me or to see things from my perspective. I'm tired of fighting for something that should be a natural response when it comes to different types of relationships, period.
And there are going to be people who are upset with me because I'm choosing not to participate in certain conversations.
There are going to be people who don't like. If I speak up, they're not gonna like what I have to say. And so the reality is I will be criticized whether I speak up or whether I Don't. And so, for the most part, when it comes to these big events and these big world events, I typically don't say anything.
And that is to protect my peace and my energy.
The other aspect of why I don't speak up, though, is because in order to do something justice, often you need to do a lot of research.
There's a lot of data, There's a lot of stuff to sift through. And anytime it comes to politics, for example, people like to make statements as if they are fact, but they have no source. They are making shit up.
And it's not my job to be the fact police. I don't want that job. It's a lot of time and energy and mental bandwidth trying to carry that all in my head. And I did this for a long time, from like 2016 to mid 2020, I spent a lot of time involved in politics and political theory and facts and better understandings. What I saw is some really core issues with our country in particular.
And it literally got me nowhere. It did nothing for me.
And even when it comes to. To like, to business, I also realized if I were to talk about that in my business, I would spend the entire time talking about it. That's all I would ever get to talk about because it's so consuming. And that's not what I feel like God has put me on this earth to do. I just don't believe that is my mission and that's my purpose in life.
And so starting in mid-2020, I stopped debating, I stopped arguing, I stopped fact checking, I stopped trying to prove other people wrong. And I was good at it. I was real good in debates, but it just felt so meaningless. And I think after having a baby as well, I think my memory and brain space kind of shrunk. I just didn't have the capacity. And I chose. I was like, I don't want to. I don't want to have these conversations.
And so last year, during the political season and election season, I really stayed out of it all. And that was the first time in a long time that I had stayed out. And I'm really proud of myself, actually, for being quite oblivious to the debates and what was happening and who was saying what. I chose intentionally to not put my time and energy and bandwidth there. And I chose to put it into myself and my healing and my growth and my business and my son and family and some travel. And I put it into making some really great, amazing memories.
You will piss off somebody that is inevitable. And I know that there are going to be some people who maybe deal with the public or you deal with maybe kids, students. I have a lot of clients who are teachers and people who listen to this podcast, things like that. And a lot are teachers and there are conversations like this being had in class and I think one is being aware of information and fact and being able to facilitate a discussion. And sometimes like what we need as teachers in the classroom is actually just to hold space for kids emotions and to give them the space and the permission to have their emotions and to also give them permission to turn it off, to look away.
And that is really the other piece of this message that I want to share is it's okay to look away.
It's okay to turn off the tv, it's okay to disable an app, it's okay to not be following all the breaking news. Your brain was not designed for this 24, 7 news cycle, was not designed for social media, it was not designed for this inundation of information.
My view is that this is part of what's killing us. It is the anxiety and the depression and the fear and incredibly high suicide rates, right amongst other physical health diagnoses that we have because of the mental health challenges that we're dealing with, the chronic stress, the chronic anxiety and all of the things that we put on our body. I want to give you permission to grieve, permission to allow your emotions and permission to turn it off, permission to look away, permission to guard your emotions, to guard your mental health and to disengage, permission to stay silent, permission to not make a comment.
And you get to decide where you want to spend your time and energy and bandwidth. You get to decide what you spend your time thinking about and worrying about and stressing about.
And there are things that especially when it comes to anxiety, we're typically, we're worried about things in the future that haven't happened and we are making something that is not a problem a problem.
And one of my good friends, I remember one of the things she said to me years ago that has stuck with me is don't make something a problem until it's a problem.
Sometimes it's easier said than done, but it has been so helpful for me even in just this year and being able to catch and recognize when my brain wants to spiral into worst case thinking. And there is sometimes no evidence for it, but my brain just has a thought of what if this happens? Then what? Then what will I do? And so part of it is reminding yourself of, okay, this is not happening now. This is not an issue now. I am safe. I'm okay.
And the other part that I think could be really helpful here is a reminder of you can trust yourself to handle if hard, challenging bad things happen in the future.
We really have to be aware and mindful of when we are indulging in negativity and indulging and going down these thought spirals and, and choosing to bring yourself back. We don't fall down the rabbit hole. You choose to go down it. And the way that the media works now and the way that it's designed to trigger our brain, it's like we want to keep reading, we have to keep reading. We keep need to keep knowing more.
It's a choice to keep going down the rabbit hole. It's also a choice to come out.
And that's where you have ownership.
That's where you can decide how you want to handle things.
Just because you're turning off the tv, it doesn't mean that you are this cold, heartless wretch that has no awareness of what's happening in the world.
You can choose to stay silent. You can choose how much time and energy you put into reading and watching things about a particular topic or an incident.
And there are times when we have to realize that what we're doing, the energy that we are leaking, like it is really a true energy leak. It is not going to anything productive.
You get to control this glass of water, right? Or maybe it's like a bucket of water. We get to patch up the leaks, patch up the holes, we get to pour it intentionally and be careful of where we might be spilling some out. That's yours. That's yours for the day, that's yours for the week. And we want to be mindful, we want to guard it.
I wanted to pop in and just share that those are my thoughts. Take them or leave them with coaching. The way I see it is it's like a buffet. You're going to take what works and you're going to leave the rest. And there are going to be some times when you listen to an episode and you're going to take one piece and then the next time you listen, you might take a different piece. That's okay. Different things are going to speak to us and they're going to resonate at different times.
But this is your permission to turn it off. It's okay if you want to read a little or watch a little, but protect that energy, guard your energy. Because we have other people who are dependent and needing us to be strong, whole, capable people.
So give yourself space to feel your emotions.
Allow it all.
And let's not repay evil for evil.
Let's look at how we can do some good in the world.
And sometimes I think that is one of the best things that I can do. When I think about this is like, how can I make someone smile today? How can I bless someone? How can I help to create a better day or to give somebody a good day?
Can I buy somebody coffee? Can I compliment somebody? What can I do that is gonna help better this world? It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be national, newsworthy story or event. It could just be a small, simple thing.
That's my encouragement, is to go out there and be the good in the world.
All right, I know this was a little bit of a downer, but just keep this in mind throughout the weekend and as we keep going because there will always be more events, more things that have the opportunity to bring you down.
And you don't have to let them crash in over you. They don't have to be these big waves that suck you under.
You can just ride and sit at the surface of the water and rock with the waves a little bit, but you're not being completely overturned.
Okay, I think I'm done now.
I hope you guys have a fabulous weekend. Hopefully next week my voice is a little bit better and the podcast, we'll see how it sounds. Hopefully I can get rid of this maybe not so sexy phlegm.
All right, y'. All, here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:21:03] Speaker A: If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step, book your free Break the cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyyoucrave.com BTC.
It's time to break the cycle.
[00:21:40] Speaker B: I'll show you.
