Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back.
[00:00:26] And welcome to my special birthday episode. So I turned 41 this Saturday, and instead of thinking about my birthday as just another year older and, you know, getting closer to middle aged and all of that, I've really been thinking about what could happen if I intentionally made the next eight months a completely different season of my life.
[00:00:45] Because eight months is both simultaneously long and short all at once, right? Because eight months is enough time to make decisions that you've been putting off to eat the frog and do the hard thing that you've been procrastinating on for weeks now. It's enough time to change the way that you see yourself, to really up level your self concept and self belief, to stop living by everyone else's expectations, to really transform your relationship with yourself, which then impacts all the other relationships in your life.
[00:01:18] It's enough time to create new habits, to recognize what's not working, and to be able to pivot or just completely walk away from it. Or maybe to start something that you've been afraid to start and to really become someone who trusts themselves deeply. Not just that they're going to get it all right or that they have all the answers, but trust themselves to handle whatever comes their way. The obstacles, the challenges, the setbacks. That's what self trust is all about, is knowing that no matter what happens, when you can handle it, you've got your own back.
[00:01:49] But there's another important part. Because none of that happens because eight months is just this magical amount of time or you just sprinkle magic fairy dust and all of a sudden things are different. Eight months is important. It's impactful because you decide that it is. You decide that it's going to be different.
[00:02:06] That's why I'm celebrating my birthday a little differently this year. So if you were listening to last week's episode, you'll know that my take on birthdays is a little bit different.
[00:02:16] I kind of had this quarter life crisis moment, I guess back when I was 25, I really was kind of afraid of getting older and there was this realization of like, what am I doing with my life? And feeling like I was failing and already behind even at 25 years old. When I met a woman who had gone through Cancer and overcome it, and who is now out intentionally living her life. She truly saw every day as a gift when she was that close to death, being on the other side of it, she really, truly believed that this day is precious, this year is precious. And it really changed how I saw getting older because it was no longer this fear of aging or fear of being behind or I should be further along or what am I doing with my life. It was more this deep conviction of if I'm still here on this earth, if I'm still breathing, I still have a purpose. There's still something that I'm meant to do with my life, and I want to help other people find that too. And to create that, to create the life and the body that they crave. Especially after toxic relationships, especially after abuse and neglect and all that you have been through.
[00:03:25] But this really comes from a decision point, right? It's not just about getting older and letting life happen to you. This is really about deciding. It's deciding that things will be different, deciding that you're done waiting, deciding that you're going for it and you are going to go all in on yourself.
[00:03:43] So what could happen if you gave yourself eight months to finally focus on you, to stop people pleasing, to build a life that feels like yours, to really identify what it is you actually want.
[00:03:56] And to finally let go of the toxic patterns and behaviors and divorce. Those not just divorcing a person, but divorcing the survival patterns that you grew up with. The survival patterns that keep you stuck and trapped in shame and self doubt and fears of abandonment.
[00:04:13] For me, this birthday is not special per se because of the number. Right. I think when we hit some of These milestones, like 40 or 45, 50, 55, they feel like milestones. But I really see this as my 40s are just getting started.
[00:04:30] I am just getting started blowing my own mind. I am just getting started creating the life that I really crave and the life that I want with the people that I want very intentionally, very strategically.
[00:04:43] And one of the biggest things that I've learned over the last three years of divorce is where I kept outsourcing my decision making, where I kept outsourcing my authority. Because I kept telling myself that somebody else knows best, somebody else knows better than I do, and really taking that ownership back because I know best. I can trust my intuition, I can trust my gut, I can trust when something is the right next step. And I can also trust that if I fall, if I make a mistake, I can pick myself back up and try Again, recognizing where in the past I had been doing this was really important so. So that I could get better at catching it in the future. Just like with people, pleasing the goal is not that we just pivot on a dime and all of a sudden it's like, be healed. And now you don't. People, please. You know, like, that's not gonna happen how I wish it would sometimes. But really the goal is to catch the pattern and to catch the habit sooner and sooner. But typically, what we're gonna do for the first couple of months is we're gonna catch it after it's happened. We're gonna say yes when really we wanted to say no. And now we're gonna have to deal with and wrestle with either the guilt of changing our mind, the guilt of backing out or not following through on our commitments, or the self abandonment of doing something that you really don't want to do. It plays out in so many different areas of our life. But I can see how even with my son's soccer practice, he's five, they have practice. It is blistering hot outside. It's still like 95 degrees at 6 o' clock at night. And so yesterday we did not go to practice.
[00:06:19] And I'm not mad about it. He is so young. Later down the road, there might be times when he needs to practice and it's bloody hot outside. I get it. But not now, not when he is five. Not when he doesn't really want to. And I definitely did not want to. Especially when there's no shade. You have to hike like a mile. Okay, not quite a mile, like half a mile to get to the field.
[00:06:40] But it's just there were all of these things where I was like, I don't want to. This is not what I want for my night.
[00:06:47] And so we said no.
[00:06:48] And this is really empowering, right? Because there are a lot of people who would say, well, this was your commitment. You should, you're supposed to. This is what a good teammate would do. This is what a good mom would do instead of what do I actually want to do?
[00:07:04] That's what's really important. That's what's worth recognizing. But often in order to catch that, we have to be number one. It's like sometimes in order to give ourselves what we want, we have to be willing for other people to not like that decision.
[00:07:18] We have to be willing for them to have emotions. And then number three is we have to stop taking responsibility for those emotions. We have to stop trying to fix them. We have to Stop feeling like we caused them. It is quite the lesson, especially when you've spent your entire life doing this, of placating and pleasing and appeasing and just trying to simmer things down and keep the peace and don't rock the boat, don't poke the bear. I'll do some more episodes around people pleasing. But really it's this responsibility for other people's emotions. And so rather than making decisions for ourself, we make decisions based off of how we think other people are going to respond.
[00:07:55] And we choose the least negative response that we think we're going to get, even when it's not something that we really want to do. These are the big things that I help clients with. This is the big work. This has been the important work that I do in my life. It's recognizing, where do I want to say no and can I say no?
[00:08:13] Where do I want to say yes and make a decision from desire just because I want to?
[00:08:18] That's the other thing is like there's a flip side. We have to be willing to say no at times because it leaves space for the yeses and the yeses from a place of desire.
[00:08:28] Even thinking about it from this lens of staying in a relationship because you're not sure you can find someone better or no one's perfect, you need to forgive and forget.
[00:08:39] Or do you really want to risk getting somebody even worse than what you've got already?
[00:08:44] It's like we have all of this scarcity thinking around friendships and romantic relationships, things like that, where the core wound is abandonment, it's shame. It's these pieces that of course are going to impact us when we were raised the way that we were. This is why so often these patterns can be hard to break. But this is why it's so important. And. And it's important that we learn how to do this now because it's important that we teach our kids how to do this. It's important that we teach our grandkids how to do this.
[00:09:13] We work to break the cycle faster, so we gotta see the pattern sooner, and then we break the cycle faster.
[00:09:19] But typically we still have to see it after the fact. And we start to recognize what it is that we actually want in life. And this is a big one. What do you actually want? And can you give yourself that? Because I think a lot of times we do know what we want. We'll tell ourselves, I don't know. But what if you actually do know? There's just something negative about it. You're afraid of what it might lead to. You're afraid of somebody's reaction or response to what you want. You're afraid that what you want maybe is from somebody else and they're not willing to give it to you. You know what you want, but if you keep turning to something or someone to meet your emotional needs for you, you're going to stay stuck in these cycles over and over again.
[00:10:02] That becomes what we have to break. Because there's a difference between creating a life and simply recovering from the one that you had. We don't just want to survive. We don't just want to recover. We don't just want to get by. We want to create a lit up, thriving life.
[00:10:19] So what if you spent the next eight months creating a life that you actually wanted creating a life that you actually wanted to be in and live in every single day that made you excited to get up in the morning instead of spending another year trying to fit yourself into the life that everyone else expects you to have wants for you instead of you wanting for yourself.
[00:10:41] And so that's why I have this very special 41st birthday offer where it's eight months of private coaching with me for $4,100. So 41st birthday, 4,100. That's how we're playing this game.
[00:10:54] So we've opened up five coaching spots at this special birthday rate and the offer ends September 15th. So it's either September 15th or when all five spots are claimed. But within each month, you get two private coaching calls with me, Voxer access every day in between there. So as much or as little as you want to use it. And we run September of this year, 2026, through April 30th of 2027.
[00:11:20] So the rate again, 4100 paid in full. Or you can do eight monthly payments of $600 a month.
[00:11:27] This isn't just eight months of coaching. This is eight months to stop living a life that you've inherited and start creating one that actually feels like yours.
[00:11:36] Eight months to break the cycles. Eight months to stop falling back into the same patterns, the same habits, the same dynamics over and over again, and actually start to create what you really want in life.
[00:11:49] So here's how this breaks down. Roughly in September, we're going to really identify where are you now and what do you actually want? Getting really clear and working through any obstacle that you have to putting down on paper what it is that you want, even if it's just a first draft, but to actually write down and get really specific, this is what I want to create in the next year. And then in October we really dive into your identity and your self concept because this is the foundation, this is what underpins everything that you're doing.
[00:12:21] A lot of times we have to up level it, but we have to see where are the holes, where are the gaps, where has it been worn down? Because so many of us wrestle with self doubt and we have other people's voices that we need to get out of our head. We have our own voice, our own inner critic that we need to calm down, turn the volume down. We don't have to necessarily turn it off. We just need to know how to talk back.
[00:12:44] And then November and December, we're breaking old patterns, really diving into the people pleasing aspect, especially around the holidays and how to navigate the holidays without abandoning yourself.
[00:12:56] Then in January we'll look at what do you want for this next year? Choosing differently in the new year and really looking at where do you typically go? Left and now it's time to go right. Sometimes I think we're a little too easy on ourselves maybe and we aren't setting goals and we just push things off.
[00:13:12] And other times we go too hard or we're too ambitious or we set these big audacious goals and we hit it really hard in January, but then we completely bonk and fall off in February. So we want to try to do the opposite. We want to look at what creates that steady, sustainable maintenance and also know that the springtime is actually a better time for setting goals and intentions. So it's how do you start the year different?
[00:13:37] And then February we explore more of self trust and taking action from desire and from trusting yourself, betting on yourself, being willing to take risks.
[00:13:47] And then March and April become stepping into the woman who can have and maintain what she wants and really starting to identify what's next.
[00:13:57] What's really fun is to start to see not just the progress that you accomplish in eight months, but some of the things that you thought maybe were going to take a year or two years that actually took you less than a year.
[00:14:09] Maybe you've spent the last 20 years making decisions based on what everybody else needed, what everyone else wanted, what they expected of you or how they might react.
[00:14:19] Maybe you've gotten so good at keeping the peace and keeping everyone else comfortable that you have a hard time identifying what you even want anymore. And that's okay. That is okay if that is your starting point. I do not say this with shame. I say this because this is a very real place for us to be.
[00:14:36] But what if the next eight months were different? What if you stopped outsourcing your decisions? What if you started asking, what do I want? Before asking, what does everybody else think?
[00:14:48] What if you learned to trust yourself enough to actually go after it? What does it look like to bet on yourself, to believe in yourself?
[00:14:56] Because it is amazing how quickly these years go by. It's like blink and you miss it.
[00:15:03] Sometimes the days or the weeks might feel long, but the years go by so quick.
[00:15:08] And we really underestimate what we can do in one year, in three years and five years.
[00:15:14] Because you're going to have another birthday. There's me. Another holiday season should be another January, another spring. And then suddenly you're back in the same space, wondering, how the hell did another year go by? And I'm still here.
[00:15:27] But see, that's the beautiful part about all of this, is sometimes it hits us when we're at rock bottom. And sometimes this hits us when we just decide, no more. We're done playing games. Enough is enough. It's time to move on. It's time to pivot. It's time to pursue this next future vision. This is not about doing things based on what everybody else thinks you should and like playing by everybody else's rules. It's time to play by your own rules.
[00:15:54] So if you're ready for that, I would love to invite you into this next offer and to join me for the next eight months of transformation, where you can finally start living the life that feels authentically like your own. If you'd like to learn more about this, if you're curious and you want to explore this more, your next best step is to schedule a free consultation.
[00:16:14] You can visit bodyucrave.com forward/schedule. Find a day and time on my calendar and let's talk and see if this is the right fit for you.
[00:16:22] But I promise, no matter what, you can do hard things, you can do this. If you have the desire. If it's in you, it's for you. This desire, these goals, these dreams, the vision that's on your heart, you can do this, too.
[00:16:37] But sometimes we just need a little support. We need a little encouragement, we need a little belief when we're not used to believing in ourselves on our own. And that's where I come in. To help you troubleshoot, to help you overcome obstacles, to help you understand what's really standing in your way and getting in the way, and to celebrate with you when things are going well and everything's falling into place, when you start making progress. When you start standing up for yourself and advocating for your needs. When you start asking for what you want. When you start enforcing boundaries.
[00:17:08] This is when the game changes.
[00:17:11] But you gotta remember who you are.
[00:17:14] If this message resonates, I would love to invite you in.
[00:17:18] And until the next episode, here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:17:28] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step?
[00:17:37] Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
[00:17:48] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyucrave.com VTC.
[00:18:03] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you how.
