Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back.
[00:00:26] All right. Welcome to an episode all about permission. And being that this is an episode about permission and starting to give yourself what you want, being willing to identify and to see it. I also recognize I wanted to record this episode from the balcony, which also means that you might hear some birds chirping in the background, right? There might be this lovely ambiance, but you might also hear some traffic or some dogs barking or I can't tell if it's going to end up picking up the fountains from the pool.
[00:00:56] There might be a little bit extra going on today, but. But this is where we learn how to give ourselves what we want. And sometimes it's in the little moments. It's in the little things. Maybe it's in getting your favorite coffee on your way to work, or it's the route that you're taking, or maybe it's putting the convertible top down or opening the sunroof. But for me today, it looks like recording from the balcony because it's actually cool. I'm getting a fair amount of shade and it cooled off overnight. It's not super humid. It's actually quite enjoyable despite it being nearly August.
[00:01:28] And, yeah, it's lovely. But this episode today, I'm going to take you a little more behind the scenes, and we're going to rewind. I'm going to back up and explain some things that were really pivotal in shifting for me in 2019 and 2020 and where I also turned things off or I turned things down and I told myself I couldn't do that. The thing that I really wanted to do, I wasn't allowed to.
[00:01:50] And that has come back full circle as I've started to really recognize and lean into some things. But I'm also going to back up and tell you about this last month of July because there have been some really incredible shifts and changes. And for me, I see it more as just like this awakening. And so while I've been going through this awakening to trauma and abuse and how it impacts our body and our metabolism and our nervous system, I'm also starting to wake up more to my own desires. And I think this is important because we can't force them. I think so many women that I work with in Particular, like they don't know what they want. Some do. Some are very clear. This is what I want, this is where I'm going. There's also a large group that is not sure what it is that they actually want or how to figure that out because they have spent so many years, if not decades prioritizing, or what everybody else wants, what everybody else needs, what they should be doing, how to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good Christian, a good fill in the blank, like a good girl.
[00:02:52] And it's like, good girls don't. Good girls don't do this, good girls do that. And so we'll get into a little bit of that. But I really want to encourage you and let this be an invitation to look at where in your life have you been waiting for permission? Where in your life are you looking to pivot, or are you looking to expand, or are you looking to evolve?
[00:03:17] And sometimes it starts with the small, subtle things of how do I like my eggs cooked, how do I like my coffee, what is my favorite brand of shampoo and conditioner, or makeup, or what are the clothes, what's the style that I actually enjoy and I love, what makes me feel like me.
[00:03:36] This is a time where we start to acknowledge that and look at how can I create more of this?
[00:03:42] So let me rewind. I'm going to take you back just a few weeks. The end of June, I left on a trip with my boyfriend and we went to Tbilisi, Georgia. Now, what's really cool about this is I lived there in high school. This was my first time living abroad and living overseas as a freshman and sophomore in high school. And so I did a homeschooling program.
[00:04:03] And then I attempted going to a Russian school my sophomore year, dropped out, got a tutor. My Russian got way better. I was like, damn, I wish I would have done this sooner. It was like there was permission to try new things. There was permission to pivot and to recognize this isn't working. This really isn't doing much for me. I'm going to do something different.
[00:04:22] And the way that I found I learned Russian best was not by going to a school. It was having somebody come to me and give me a private lesson, which is not how we typically think about high school. Right. That's not how most high schoolers go through life. Now, homeschooling is also a little bit different, but my experience growing up and in Tbilisi itself was vastly different.
[00:04:44] And the time that I was there, it was this rundown, war torn city. It was post Soviet era. After their civil war, a lot of things were just falling apart. It was dilapidated, it was dreary. It was not bright, shiny, new, rebuilt. Yet I was there before this rebuilding and this reconstruction, and then B was there after. He was there after it had changed and was revitalized and revamped. And when relations were really great with the US And a lot of people spoke English and you had menus in Georgian and English, not Georgian and Russian. And so it was less of a culture shock, but it was a really cool experience because I had not been back there for 24 years.
[00:05:30] Initially, my thought was, I get to go back and rediscover the city and all the things that have changed. All the new restaurants and shops and the malls and the movie theaters and the rooftop bars and the tourism, really, like the coffee shops, how things had very much been impacted by this wave and this flux of tourism. And it was this combination of bringing Georgian culture and history and, like, bringing that to the surface of, like, what's so unique and cool about the city and the country. But it's also this mix and this influx now of foreigners and bringing in little touches from other places around the world. And so I saw it more as, like, going back to rediscover a place. And what happened, there was also this recognition of rediscovering who I was and rediscovering who I was when I lived there and noticing that this was before marriage. It was before really dating. It was before waking up to trauma and emotional abuse, verbal abuse, things like that. It was very much a time in my life where I felt strong and independent, almost invincible. Everything that I was trying and the things that I was doing, it was like I was always successful, right? I could try something new, and I would succeed. But I looked back, and I remember, especially my second year there, I didn't have a lot of friends. And so if I wanted to do something, I was likely doing it on my own. I have two younger sisters, and so at the time, they had friends. So sometimes I would kind of tag along and do things with them, and they would go to a painting class, so I would go with them. But when it came to track and practice and running or gymnastics, I decided I wanted to do these things, which meant I had to go alone. So this was back in the early days of cell phones. It's 2001, 2002.
[00:07:22] So I finally have my own little flip phone, but I'm traveling the city by myself, hopping on buses as needed to get where I need to go. I'M reading in this foreign language, which, if you've ever seen the Georgian script, it is funky, y'. All. It is wild. It's almost like a cross between Russian and meets Arabic. It's really unique.
[00:07:44] But I'm like, I'm getting myself where I need to go. And I'm very independent and I'm very headstrong, and I'm like, this is what I want to do. So this is what I'm doing. And even going back to the US My junior year, I also. I did classes as a junior that were really primarily only seniors. I advocated for myself. I was like, this is what I want to do. And I didn't let anybody talk me out of that. And I looked at what. What did I really want? I could have taken Russian classes at the community college when I got back in the US Which a part of me wishes maybe I would have done, because at that point, my language was really good. But I also was like, no, I want to play sports, and I want to. I want to try field hockey and then do gymnastics, and I want to be able to stay after school and play sports. I danced in an opera. I got to do these really cool, amazing things. I didn't want to have to drive myself to the community college to take a course. And I very much prioritized my high school experience and socializing over education because the prior two years had been more education focused because I didn't have as much access to those social pieces.
[00:08:49] So, anyways, I'm remembering who I was when I lived here, when I lived abroad. And I'm also recognizing that. I think when I went to Tbilisi, that was also the first starting to shift of recognizing me, trying to be somebody else to please others. Just starting to notice that of going to different schools, getting different looks from the girls, and feeling like I don't fit in. I don't dress the same way. We don't speak the same language, really. Like, things are just a little different. I'm into sports. I'm into soccer. Girls back then did not play soccer in this town. Even when I did the English school, where it was a homeschool program, we would still go to a school building and still work independently, but we had teachers there to guide us. And I would play soccer with the boys, but I was playing with boys who were typically younger than me, and there were no other girls. I wanted to play and I wanted to have fun. And there came a point where they didn't want me to play with them anymore because I was competitive. And I wanted to play. I wanted to take the ball from them. I wanted to win. And I think there's a difference between let's show off our tricks versus let's play a game. But there were just. There were some experiences there that I think that was the beginning of starting to become this chameleon of figuring out who do I need to be in this situation, who do I need to be to make friends, who do I need to be to make them let me play soccer? There was a little bit of molding, not a ton. There was still a lot of independence and a lot of determination and grit, but there was also still a lot of molding and shifting.
[00:10:20] And really looking back as okay, I think that just compounded, like, junior year, senior year into college, there was really this subtle shift in view, in my awareness of who do I need to be in order to make friends? Who do I need to be in order to get my needs met, basically? So it was a lot of who do I need to be around these people?
[00:10:42] Now, I think there can be some benefits in ways around this. This idea of figuring out how do I fit in, how do I read the room? But there was also a lot of me bending, molding, shifting, shaping, and maybe a little less of my true authentic self coming out.
[00:11:00] It would come out at times. It would come out in pieces. It would come out in some ways. But there was also this, like, not too much, just a little bit, certain times, maybe certain topics coming back to now. Being in Tbilisi a couple weeks ago, the beginning of July, and spending two weeks there. So much of this was remembering who I was and also looking at this opportunity as I would have never had this had I stayed married.
[00:11:29] And I think that's what was really pivotal and transformational is I could not have seen this three years ago, but I never would have had this opportunity had I stayed married. To look at. To be up on this hill and hiking and just by myself one morning. It was just this awakening and this awareness. And there was also this level of acceptance and even forgiveness of recognizing some of the. Maybe the heaviness and the weightiness of what I had carried towards other people and how it was also kind of holding me down. And I didn't really think about it as something I thought about often with, like, my ex or my stepdad or just certain people in my life. It's not something that I thought was really keeping me stuck or weighing me down. I think it was.
[00:12:13] And so there was also this kind of shifting and reckoning of, okay, Like, I think I'm ready to let this go. I'm ready to move on, and it's okay if I get triggered. But it's this releasing of weight and this releasing of expectations of who people are, or this releasing of questioning, why couldn't you have treated me better? Or why did you treat me so bad? Or why are you treating this other person so much better? Things like that. There was all of this kind of, like, awareness as to what was new, what had changed, what hadn't changed, things shifting in me, remembering who I was.
[00:12:47] Right. And also this lack of pressure to have to make sense of it immediately and try to work.
[00:12:54] And so all my clients I was talking to on Voxer, and we were doing things asynchronously and just kind of touching and touching base. But a lot of it was, like. It very much got to be this vacation. It was the first time in a long time where I spoke Russian, where I talked a lot of, like, world politics and economics and learned more about, like, the Russia Ukraine conflict, and Georgia Russian history. And it's just, I. It's stuff that I've been interested in. It just hasn't been at the forefront. But it was nice. Like, it was. It's kind of like I took a break from real life. I felt like I was living in a snow globe. And I got to indulge in some different things that I typically don't get to think about, talk about. It's not typically a part of my world.
[00:13:37] And so it was really fun just to kind of have this break, in a sense, from real life, to step away. And while I missed my son terribly and I was very much excited and happy to go back and see him and spend time with him, it also was a very pivotal time because upon returning and coming back, I had some very clear recognition, and there was this deep awakening and awareness of who I am, what it is that I'm doing with my business, how I want to help people, what I'm actually helping them do.
[00:14:10] And it really brought to light some of this tension and this incongruence that I was feeling and being in the weight loss space for so long. I think part of me has a core identity here because this is what I've been doing since 2019, and really into 2020, it's really evolved into not just weight loss, but really emotional eating, the emotional ties. I also realized a lot of my identity was hung on this idea of being a weight loss coach. And I think part of it was because in 2019, as I'm working on my own food, body image, relationship with food, relationship with the scale, my emotional eating, binge eating habits. As I'm working on all of these pieces, it's like I really felt like I had the key to the universe, like a secret that everybody needed to know. I felt so strong and so convicted of I have a better way to lose weight. I have a better way, a better picture of how to handle binge eating and emotional eating. And it just kept getting better and clearer and more refined every year as I did this and as I worked with more clients. And I kept refining and moving forward and making it better. But there was always this sense of this is why I was put on earth. And then coming back from this trip, I started to question that, of what if that was it for a season?
[00:15:28] But what if that's not the whole picture?
[00:15:32] And what have I been trying to say all along?
[00:15:37] Because I've been really paying attention to what I love to talk about and coach on. And it was never meal plans and macros or like recipes. It was always the deeper shifts, the deeper life events that maybe drove our emotional eating patterns. But it wasn't even just food and diet trauma. I loved helping people create more self awareness and to make better decisions to become more of their true authentic selves. I've always known that the scale was never the whole story, but I felt conflicted because weight loss is like this tangible result, right? It's what people want. It's what they're actively thinking. When I'd go through marketing courses or I'd think about things like most women when they're getting up and they're, they're getting dressed and they're looking in the mirror or they're getting ready for the day and they look in their closet, they're not thinking, oh, I wish I had a healthier relationship with food.
[00:16:31] Most people are not thinking that. They're thinking, fricking A, I've got to lose some weight, right? And so even though underneath that has been create a better relationship with food and body and yourself, create better self esteem and self confidence, it's like there's been this deeper underlying aspect, but on the top, the front facing marketing has always been weight loss.
[00:16:54] She wants to lose weight, she wants to lose 20 pounds, she wants to lose 30 pounds.
[00:16:58] And so that was how I marketed, how I saw it. But then I also recognized like, it always came with a caveat. It was like, yep, let's lose weight. But that's not the full story.
[00:17:07] Yep, let's Lose weight, but that's not gonna make you happy.
[00:17:11] Yes, let's lose weight, but let's also make sure that your self worth is not tied to that number on the scale, right? And so it was this dance between what is it that they want and how can I give that to them and recognize that there's nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, but to also recognize the deeper transformation underneath it.
[00:17:30] It's not that I've been coaching the wrong thing or even selling the wrong thing or marketing the wrong. It's not about it being wrong. I do help so many people with weight loss and emotional eating and binge eating and diet trauma, but I've been positioning that as the destination, as the end result.
[00:17:47] But the real destination, the true destination, is rediscovering yourself after toxic relationships. That has been the core, is rediscovering who you are after trauma, after betrayal, after you. Women in their 40s and 50s who are waking up and it's not just to trauma and abuse and betrayal in their life, it's really to who they are and what they want. And does this work for me? And what are all the rules that I've been playing by for so long? And does this even work for me anymore? Am I just trying to play by everybody else's rules and keep everybody else happy? Or am I playing by my own? Do I actually have permission to create the life that truly lights me up?
[00:18:29] A life that feels unapologetically your own?
[00:18:33] And I think this is the, the key tension point where it's like we have these wants and desires, but we also have these safety mechanisms and these coping mechanisms from the past. We also have fear of the future and can we really do it? Can we really be successful?
[00:18:48] What I see as being more of this overarching big question is how did I lose myself? How did I let myself get here?
[00:18:56] And how do I get the true me back?
[00:18:59] Not the shape shifting me, not the chameleon me, but the real me she's inside, but the one who's authentically herself, not the one who's asking, who do you want me to be? Who do you need me to be? It's like the you before the world told you who you had to be. What's really this mind, body, soul transformation where you become the author of your own life, you take charge, you decide what you want.
[00:19:25] And part of this is figuring that out. Who are you? How have these challenges and obstacles? How has the trauma shaped you and changed you? Because you are not the same as you were 10, 20, 30 years ago. And that's okay. We're not trying to get back to this past version of ourselves. And I think that's one of the things is, like, a lot of times when it comes to weight loss, we're trying to get back to the past body that we had, whether it was five years ago or 20 years ago. It's like, how do I get that body back? How do I get that version of me back?
[00:19:55] But that version of you doesn't have the same experiences, the same awareness, the same knowledge, the same epiphanies. Like, you have changed, you have evolved, you have grown. And now we want to change and grow with that. So it's, who am I truly on the inside mixed with? How have these past lessons shaped me? What is the new wisdom and how I want to stand up and stand out?
[00:20:18] As I learned more and I worked with more clients and I worked on troubleshooting and really taking all of these pieces of the weight loss puzzle, my understanding of health and weight loss has become so much more nuanced. While I can definitely help people lose weight, and I've helped dozens and dozens of people do that, if I stopped there, I'd be missing the deepest part of the work because I know that the scale is not the full measure of whether a woman is becoming healthier. And the solution is going to look a little different for everyone.
[00:20:49] Sometimes we need coaching, and sometimes we need lab work, and sometimes we need a medication or therapy or a functional medicine practitioner. Sometimes we need these other pieces.
[00:20:59] We have to have the bigger picture. And one of the things that I also realized was I tend to be a pleaser and a fixer. I notice this too sometimes, even with my son, where it's like, oh, I can do that for you. Here, let me do that for you.
[00:21:12] Rather than stepping into this guide energy of let me guide you. I'll ask better questions. I'll help you make decisions, I'll help you to follow through. I'll help you to trust yourself more in the process. I'll help you to tune into your true wants and desires.
[00:21:26] That's been a lot of what I've been doing, but it's still under this marketing of lose 20 pounds or lose 30 pounds, and then I would feel like I have let them down if that didn't happen.
[00:21:39] This message of weight loss, while, yes, I can help people lose weight, and yes, habits and emotional eating are often big pieces, there are often things that we can't see underneath the surface. We can't Always see the inflammation or the insulin resistance or how your metabolism is functioning. And like we can't always see everything internally.
[00:22:00] And so I also realized weight loss started to feel heavy. It started to feel like something where there are so many pieces and I may not have all of the pieces. And I don't want to be positioning myself as having all of the pieces. That puts a lot of pressure on me. And I shut down under pressure that does not help me to thrive.
[00:22:21] I recognize that I am here to be a guide. And when I look at my human design energy as well as a projector, I am here to be a guide. I'm a 2,5 projector. So that means there are things that are just natural and innate to me. I think a lot of it is my coaching ability.
[00:22:36] It's like natural, it's easy, it's simple. I can take complex problems and distill them down. But I am here to guide, to lead, to support and encourage. I am not here to fix it and do it for you. And part of that has felt a little uncomfortable.
[00:22:56] But I want to help people rediscover who they really are. I want to help people with this deeper transformation because ultimately that's what's required for weight loss anyways. I have always said a smaller body does not fix a broken self concept. So if you want to change your body, the size of your pants, the number on the scale, you have got to change your identity, your self worth, your self concept, your self trust.
[00:23:23] But I keep marketing weight loss, right? It's like I keep marketing this thing, but with caveats.
[00:23:29] But don't forget this piece. But we can't do it without changing our relationship with food and body, without healing our trauma. And I've decided I don't want to keep marketing weight loss.
[00:23:40] I don't want to be a weight loss coach anymore.
[00:23:43] I want to be a transformation coach. I want to be a reinvention coach. Because at the end of the day, that's what I'm actually doing with clients.
[00:23:50] And that's where I feel lit up and passionate. And that is part of the work and part of this reinvention and part of your reinvention story might be reinventing your body, reinventing your relationship with food. It might be reinventing your health and what real health and sustainable habits look like.
[00:24:09] But I want that to be the key. I want that deeper transformation and I recognize now what's required because it's not about the food rules and it's not about the carbs or the macros. Working to address some of the habits. That is one piece. But habits aren't enough. When you get into your 40s, 50s, 60s, habits alone are not enough to lose weight and keep it off for life, to maintain better health and to optimize your health.
[00:24:35] Yes, we need habits, but that is not the end all, be all. We have to look at the emotional eating and the emotional side of things. We have to look at the emotional trauma and the emotional attachment that we have to food. Yep, been bringing that in for years.
[00:24:48] But we also need to look at hormones and we need to look at our metabolic health and we need to look at how trauma has impacted your internal body. We need other layers, other pieces.
[00:24:59] And at the end of the day, we can't do any of that without a new identity, without a solid identity built on self trust and a new self concept and really transforming the way that you see and that you feel going through your life.
[00:25:13] We want to have trust around food and alcohol, but we also want to have trust around our decisions to stay married or to divorce or to date again.
[00:25:23] Trusting yourself in changing careers or pivoting in your business or starting a business or making decisions even when it might disappoint others to have your own back. This is so much bigger than just the confidence.
[00:25:39] There's so much more nuance here. But this is the underlying transformation if we want any of the habits to stick long term, if we want any of the emotional healing.
[00:25:49] And a big piece of this has been recognizing that I have been teaching people to break the diet rules, which I still stand by. But there are a lot of rules that we also want to start to question.
[00:26:02] Diet rules are just the first set of rules because the other set of rules are like, what does it mean to be a good mom?
[00:26:08] What does it mean if you get divorced?
[00:26:10] What does it mean if you change jobs or you change careers?
[00:26:14] What does it mean if you sell out your retirement to invest in your business?
[00:26:19] Things that on the outside surface people would say are not the right way to do it.
[00:26:25] We have been living by rules everywhere. Be nice, don't disappoint anyone. Don't ask for too much. Be grateful for what you've got. Stay in the relationship. Don't make people uncomfortable, don't be selfish, don't leave, don't take risks, don't change your mind. We have been putting ourselves in this box that is keeping us small.
[00:26:46] And so often it's not just diet rules that we're trying to follow. But it's not about throwing everything out it's not total anarchy.
[00:26:56] It's starting to figure out, does this rule work for me in my life? Is this my rule, or is this something that I inherited?
[00:27:03] And we start to question and we start to choose and create rules that work for us, that align with who you are, who you're becoming.
[00:27:12] And now it's like, okay, this is no longer maybe just a rule. It's like, this is a guideline. This is a framework. This is how I want to live. And this aligns with who I am and where I'm going.
[00:27:23] We're not trying to just follow the rules because we're afraid of what happens if we don't.
[00:27:27] Because we're afraid that we won't create the results if we don't follow what other people are telling us to do. So it helps to give us some structure. But we have to be aware of what is misaligned, external authority. Where have we been outsourcing our decision making and outsourcing our leadership to somebody else? A parent, a sibling, a pastor, your kids, some influencer on the Internet, somebody with a podcast, because you know best. You have internal wisdom. And I was just talking with a client yesterday about internal wisdom that your body has.
[00:28:02] When you think about making a decision. There will always be some nerves, a little bit of fear when we're on the verge of something new that's going to be normal. But your body is going to experience that different than when it's dread, than when you feel like you're shrinking, than when it's like this gut punch of I really don't want to do that.
[00:28:22] Your body will give you answers. If we can slow down and listen to it. It doesn't mean that we avoid all discomfort in our body.
[00:28:31] It means that we listen for what is it trying to communicate? What is it telling us?
[00:28:36] Because excitement and anxiety feel similar in the body, but there's difference to it, there's nuance to it. And when you have learned and when you've been through trauma and you've learned to shut down all emotions, when you've learned to shut down all body sensations because it's not saf, we have a hard time figuring that out. This is part of why we have such a hard time making decisions.
[00:28:59] And this is what we want to do, is start to recognize what are all the rules that we've been playing by and do they actually serve me?
[00:29:08] This, I think has been so pivotal for me because I realized what was coming up for me and this kind of like tension of I don't want to position myself as a weight loss coach anymore. That will definitely be part of the story. That is going to be a piece of the work that I do with clients is healthy and body image, their size, shape, weight. Because there is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight. You can lose weight and still love your body and still love your body as it's changing. You can lose weight and still love yourself and love yourself even as you're changing, as you're working through the default patterns and obstacles and triggers and trauma patterns and trauma responses.
[00:29:47] We can love ourselves through all of this and still want to change.
[00:29:52] That is not a problem.
[00:29:54] But weight loss is not the end all, be all.
[00:29:57] I realize that I want to start walking towards what feels light and exciting. And, yep, there's a little bit of fear there, and there's a little bit of stepping into something new. But this is what I've been doing with clients behind the scenes all along.
[00:30:14] And I want to take the focus off of weight and the number on the scale.
[00:30:19] That can still be a goal. We can still work on that, but there has to be a deeper transformation if you want that to last.
[00:30:27] And that's why all your past attempts at losing weight haven't worked, is because there hasn't been an identity shift.
[00:30:33] So rather than marketing weight loss with all of these caveats of weight loss, but make sure you have a life you love, right? Because I've been saying this from the beginning. The body you crave isn't going to mean a damn thing if you don't have a life that you love.
[00:30:47] So now, instead of trying to market and sell the body and the weight and these pieces, I'm actually gonna lean into the transformation and the reinvention and the coming back to yourself.
[00:30:59] These are the patterns. These are the things that matter.
[00:31:02] And I'm gonna go first.
[00:31:04] So as I share this pivot and this permission to evolve and to grow, I'm gonna share and tell you this is what it looks like for me, this has been a bigger shift of it's not what I'm doing with people. It's actually more of how I'm talking about it.
[00:31:19] And it's giving myself permission to create what's been on my heart since 2020.
[00:31:25] Because in 2020, I realized while I was working with private clients, I was like, okay, right now we're working on weight loss, emotional eating. But I really want a mastermind. I really want a mastermind in this group of women to come together, and we work together for a year, and I help Them change all areas of life.
[00:31:41] But I didn't feel confident in my skills at life coaching. I think back then I felt like the best place that I can help and maybe to some extent, maybe it was like the only place that I could help somebody was with weight loss. I don't know that I felt confident enough to help somebody in bigger life transitions.
[00:31:58] I don't know if I was waiting for permission or if it was like I have to earn it or I need to hit some arbitrary number before I can do this.
[00:32:08] And as I started thinking about this membership that I wanted to create and this group and this community and really thinking about what is it that women need, what is it that we want? And it's like we want a space that we can come home to that's going to help us figure out who we are and what it is that we want to create. And learn how to trust ourselves with what we want. Learn how to trust ourselves as we pursue it and we go to create it.
[00:32:35] We don't need another set of rules. We don't need somebody else's rules or somebody else telling us what to do. We need to learn how to trust ourselves enough to hear our own wisdom, to hear our own desires, and then the courage to go out there and to start taking action and to start creating a life that feels unapologetically our own, regardless of what anybody else thinks. Doing things our own way, even when it's not what everybody else is telling you to do.
[00:33:01] And a lot of this is like it's permission and freedom to do it your own way.
[00:33:06] At the core of this, there is so much self trust and that gets eroded because of abuse and trauma.
[00:33:14] And so we have to find our way back and we have to build our self trust back up.
[00:33:20] We start with small steps and we work into bigger steps. Trusting that we can hear our own voice, trusting our intuition, trusting that we will be okay, trusting that we will figure it out. Trust that when we make mistakes, because mistakes are inevitable, obstacles, challenges, they're inevitable, we will figure it out. That we will course correct, that we will learn from them, that we'll pick ourselves back up when we fall, that we don't just shame ourselves into the ground and into giving up, but that we learn from it with love and compassion and curiosity.
[00:33:53] It's what I've been doing all along.
[00:33:55] And now I'm giving myself permission to step into that. To no longer be the weight loss coach, but the reinvention coach, the self leadership coach, the coach for women who are ready to take back their lives and create a life that lights them up. To create a life that feels fully their own and that curating a community with other women who are there to rise together.
[00:34:21] And that is the foundation of Phoenix Rising. This is why I created it. Because you don't need an expert telling you what to do and when. You don't need another set of rules. You need a space to reconnect with yourself, to rebuild your self trust and to surround yourself with women who are also choosing to rise and who will encourage you and lift you up. Whether you're soaring and you're flying high or you are in the beginning stages of rebuilding from the ashes.
[00:34:49] No matter what stage of life you're in, no matter what area you're working on, no matter whether things are going great or you're hitting these obstacles or challenges and you feel like you're failing, we are here to encourage you, to lift you up. This was one of the big reasons why I stopped talking to my ex about my business. Because I knew if I went to him and I was telling him I was having a rough day, I was kind of struggling, things weren't going the way that I wanted, he would have told me, this is your sign. You should quit. This is your sign. You need to give up. You need to let this dream go. You gave it a good shot. Let it go.
[00:35:21] Instead of, it's okay, babe, we got this. Tell me more. I'm here for you. And giving me a big hug. How can I help you? Do you want to talk through it?
[00:35:32] It's like instead of the encouragement to keep going, it's working even when you don't see it, to keep encourage me in that way. I didn't have that. So I stopped talking to him about it because I knew I did not want the discouragement that was inevitably going to come if I hit an obstacle.
[00:35:49] And so that's what this group is here for too. We are going to celebrate wins, but we are also here to lift you up when you're having a hard day, when it feels like things aren't working, when we can't see it working.
[00:36:00] Phoenix Rising is a community for women who have left toxic relationships and they're ready to reinvent themselves. They want to reconnect with themselves, rebuild their self trust. They want to better identify what it is that they actually want in life and then go out there and achieve it, start working towards it. They want to question the rules that they've been following and they want to start creating a life that feels Unapologetically their own. Because the real work isn't becoming the woman you think you're supposed to be. It's reclaiming the woman you've always been. Underneath it, it's reclaiming the woman that you are before the world told you who you had to be. So if you feel like you're standing at the edge of your own reinvention, then Phoenix Rising is for you.
[00:36:46] This is where we rise together.
[00:36:49] Because we have all been through storms. We have all been through the fire. We have weathered a lot. And now it's time to rise up and decide, what do we do with this now?
[00:37:01] How do we alchemize it and take who I am at my core with what I've been through? What are the lessons?
[00:37:09] Where do I want to go from here? And we no longer let life just happen to us.
[00:37:14] We intentionally create it on purpose.
[00:37:18] This is your invitation to stop waiting for permission and to start rising on your own wings and playing by your own rules.
[00:37:28] And this is really my invitation to you to think about, where are you going next?
[00:37:34] Where is your next pivot? How do you want to evolve and grow?
[00:37:38] While I will still be sharing and posting here, this podcast is also gonna change.
[00:37:44] I don't know exactly yet if it's gonna be a whole new second podcast. I don't know if this one is just gonna evolve. I haven't figured out all the details yet, but there is permission to recognize what you've outgrown.
[00:37:58] Because sometimes we outgrow people, sometimes we outgrow habits, sometimes we outgrow identities.
[00:38:05] This is your opportunity to recognize that and decide on purpose what the next level looks like, what the next identity looks like.
[00:38:15] That's how we create the results that last.
[00:38:18] So if you've made it this far, something is stirring inside of you.
[00:38:23] There's a nudge, there's an instinct. Something is asking to be awakened. And when you're ready to start exploring that, when you're ready to start implementing that, I would love to see you inside Phoenix Rising.
[00:38:37] Remember who you are. Because when you remember who you are and what you want, the game changes.
[00:38:45] And if you want a guide and somebody to take you on the journey with them, because I'm on this journey, too. So this is a come with me. This is where we're going, and let's all fly and rise together.
[00:38:59] Y' all ready? I will drop a link in the description if you'd like to learn more and you can read more about what's included, what's inside. But this is the space that I've wanted to create for years. Now. This is what it looks like to give yourself permission and to start to go fast, to do it messy, to take action. Because clarity comes from taking action.
[00:39:22] The more you start stepping and the more you give yourself permission as you go to keep pivoting and to keep changing, you will see either yes, I want more of this or here's where I need to shift.
[00:39:33] If this has stirred something within you, listen to that message. Listen to that nudge. What is it trying to tell you today?
[00:39:42] All right, y', all, I will see you in the next episode. Here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:39:52] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step?
[00:40:02] Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
[00:40:13] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyyoucrave.com BTC.
[00:40:27] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you.
