Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back to the Hungry for Love podcast.
[00:00:27] So today we are going to dive into and just I'm going to talk a little bit more specifically about what actually changes with coaching and why I believe so much in it. Why I believe so much in the power of one on one and private coaching and group coaching and just this tool as a whole. Because I have tried so many different things that didn't work. I've tried therapy, I've tried courses, I've tried a variety of different aspects and what I found to be the most helpful for me when it comes to really breaking free from toxic people, toxic relationships, my own toxic relationship with food, dysfunctional and morphed body image. What really, truly helped me was being able to talk with somebody and to better understand my thoughts and to have a space where I could honestly share. Here's what I'm thinking, here's what I believe, here's how I'm feeling, here's why, like really digging into and understanding and being able to connect these dots of like, this is why I believe this. This is why I want to believe good things in myself. I want to have confidence. But I also struggle, I struggle to believe that I'm just good enough in and of myself. Yeah, in theory I can get on board, like let me hop on that train. But from a really, truly belief embodied standpoint, that was really hard. What helped me the most has been coaching. It's why I'm a coach myself. It's because I believe so much in it. And I know that sometimes these podcasts are about theory, it's methodology, it's here's kind of the how it works. And there I believe can also be a practical implementation of it. But I want to talk specifically about what changes because of coaching. What changes when you come work with me in particular around your relationship with food, body weight loss and your weight loss journey, your healing from narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships. I want to speak to that. So we are going to start kind of high level and then work our way down into more specifics and more details. But I would say the number one thing that people gain when they work with me is awareness.
[00:02:17] And this is not just general run of the mill awareness. This is really Deep embodied awareness around why you do the things you do, why you feel the way you feel, and why certain patterns keep coming up and they keep repeating over and over again, even when you change circumstances, even when on the outside things look fine. And so for a while, I kept telling myself when I was emotionally eating that it was because of my job. Well, once I change jobs, then I'll stop emotionally eating. And then I did. I changed jobs, still kept emotionally eating. And then I thought, well, I just need to be in my own business full time. That's the issue. That's the problem. I don't wanna work for somebody else. So then I was in my business full time, and I still found myself emotionally eating and overeating, specifically in the afternoons. There came a point where I recognized, oh, part of what I've been trying to do is to change my circumstance, thinking that was the problem, and it wasn't. I kept thinking the job was the problem, the circumstance was the problem, when really it was my thoughts and my emotions. And I didn't have even probably the capacity to be able to address and identify some of the emotions and some of the thoughts that were coming up, in a sense, because it wasn't safe. And so there was a reason why my brain would shut down and block out that stuff. Because growing up, certain emotions weren't allowed, they weren't safe. And then that was reinforced and repeated. In marriage, had a lot of those same issues of, like, I had to show up a certain way, like, I couldn't be stressed, for example, I couldn't have a human emotion, a human response. I would get shamed for that. And so it's no wonder why I had such a hard time bringing that up. But it's also interesting because if I look back before that, it was, oh, my spouse was deployed and I just need to wait for him to get back from deployment, then I'll stop emotionally eating. While I did stop binging for a while, it did not stop the emotional eating. It did not stop me turning to food to feel better about myself and about my day. It did not stop me from turning to food to get that hit of dopamine to have that sense of relaxation and joy and pleasure. And food was very much still the highlight of my day, regardless of my job, regardless of my spouse, where my spouse was located, regardless of where I was located. So one of the things that I really work on, and this is the first piece, it's not the only piece, but it is the number one first piece. And it is that sense of awareness of what is actually happening and why, why these patterns come up instead of shutting it down with shame or shutting it down with I just need to try harder. We need to recognize more of what is truly happening in our brains and in bodies, which means we often need to slow down and we need to get really good at evaluating, at being able to look backwards, to look back and see this is what I think was going on. We slow it down in our brain and in our memory, and we recall what was going on. That is a key way that I help clients. But you can't be shaming yourself for overeating. You can't be shaming yourself for binge eating. That is not going to help you solve the issue and solve the challenge. We have to have so much love and compassion with ourselves. And this is why we can have some awareness. We can recognize I'm emotionally eating every day or I'm overeating every day, but we still don't know how to solve it. We still don't know how to fix it. And just try harder does not work. We have so much evidence as to how that's true.
[00:05:24] So we want to understand and we want to uncover things at a deeper level as well. We want to get beyond just the surface layer and get deeper. For example, we want to better understand and have the awareness around why do I keep overeating at night, even when my day wasn't that stressful. Why is it that I keep turning to food in the afternoons when I'm not hungry, even though things seem to be fine, even though I should be grateful that I have a job and a job that pays me pretty well?
[00:05:51] We want to understand why do I keep pouring that second bottle of wine even when I told myself I wasn't going to drink tonight? We want to better understand not just from a place of I'm doing something wrong or I'm doing something bad, but. But we really need to understand what is the actual pattern? What is the habit? And then go deeper into now. What is driving that habit? What am I avoiding? What am I seeking? Those are the two primary aspects we also want to look at. Okay, why is it that I say yes to things when I really want to say no? Why is it that I say yes to people or yes to events, or I bend over backwards, or I'm willing to sacrifice what I truly want, trying to make somebody else happy in order to please somebody else instead of saying, no, this is what I really want, or that's not going to work for me. We Want to understand why our self worth has been so tied to the number on the scale or the size of your pants? This one is huge because this one is often at the core of what so much of us struggle with. And it's why we have such a hard time with weight loss. It's why weight loss has been punitive. It's come from a place of deprivation and punishment. And often it comes from this place of like, I need to hurry up and lose as much weight as humanly possible so that I can finally feel good about myself, so that now I am worthy. I'm worthy of love, I'm worthy of receiving what I want. In some ways, I am now good enough. And this often stems from narcissistic abuse. When we grow up in this pattern and we have somebody close to us in our lives, whether it was a parent, a caregiver, a sibling, somebody with really strong narcissistic tendencies, they tend to use shame and doubt. And often we feel helpless in these situations. There are so many aspects that come up that have us feeling unsettled, unsafe, and trying to prove and earn that we are good enough.
[00:07:37] And then we stay in these cycles. We keep finding people. It's like we keep attracting people and getting into relationships with either friends or romantic partnerships that have us yet again trying to prove and earn and justify that we're good enough. And it's never enough. They're never happy and satisfied with what we're doing unless we are living by their manual, unless we are following and doing exactly what they think we should be doing.
[00:08:01] And sometimes it's ridiculous stuff, like my ex, for example, there is nothing I could have done, there's no amount of money I could have made that he would have thought that things were working, my business was working, that this was good enough, that this was a worthwhile venture to go down. I would say unless. Unless I could work during nap time, maybe two or three hours a day, and I could make maybe $120,000 and it wouldn't cut into any of our weekends, it wouldn't cut into any of our nights. What he wanted me to create was just so unrealistic, so impossible.
[00:08:34] Had I been able to do that, it would have required more time, more energy, more maybe like running ads, or I would have had to put money in. But his thought was, I should be able to spend $0, work a couple hours a day, and then make hundreds of thousands. And if I could do that, if I followed those rules, then that would be worth it, then that would be Good enough. And so I kept trying to prove to him over and over again of like, look, I'm making money. And he was always discounting it. But look, how much time you're spending, what's your cost per hour? How much time did you spend marketing? Are you really factoring X, Y, Z? How much money did you spend? He's always trying to discount that. This was a huge reason why there was so much conflict because I constantly felt like I had to choose between my wants, my desires, the purpose that I had for my life and, and a marriage. It was a very hard, very disconcerting, especially when so much of my worth and value was also wrapped up in him choosing me and me being good enough because of him in some ways because he chose me. And now I was special. And I was special because I was chosen. It was this dynamic around male attention and from him in particular, not just any man, but it was like somebody that I saw as maybe being out of my league or kind of like surprised that, wow, he really wants me. I definitely had points of low self esteem and low confidence and there were also times where that really got chipped and eroded over the years that we were together as well.
[00:09:59] So anyways, we can really struggle with this in a number of ways. This definitely comes up with our body and it will come up in other ways as well. And so we can leave the relationship, we can leave the person, we can separate from our family of origin, we cannot talk to a parent, we can go no contact, right? There are so many ways in which we can change the circumstance. Yet the path pattern is still there. The underlying pattern is still there. Because we learned this as a kid, we learned this, that I have to prove and earn and achieve something. And when I no longer have to do that, when I no longer have to prove that I'm good enough, when I no longer have to achieve something, it's going to feel too easy. And it's like, it's what we say we want. And yet there's something that feels very unsafe about it. It's going to feel new, it's going to feel unfamiliar. It's like an aspect of being dangerous. And we are just, we're so used to having to work for it. And then I think there also comes a point where we get into our mid to late 30s, 40s, 50s, where we are so freaking tired of having to work for it, we don't want to anymore. We're like, no, I don't want to keep fighting, I don't want to keep Trying to convince somebody that I'm good enough. I also don't want to have to keep trying to convince somebody that I should be treated a certain way, that you are not allowed to cuss at me, that you do need to treat me with respect, that I don't just want to be loved as a woman. I also want to be respected. They go both ways. Those were patterns that were placed in us as young kids. And we learned this is what it means to feel good enough. This is what it means to be pretty enough. And if I can be thin enough and pretty enough, then people won't abandon me, people won't leave me. That's a lot of times what it came down to. It's like this fear of abandonment. And so it's let me morph and twist and pretzel myself into who I need to be so that this person won't leave. And that was a key thing. It was a key dynamic in my marriage. It was a key dynamic, even I would say, in childhood. And it's, who do you need me to be? Who do you want me to be? I can be her.
[00:11:52] And that is the pattern that we need to break. It's not about the other person. It doesn't matter how long you were married, how long you've been divorced, when your last relationship was, or if you've been single for the last 20 years. If you have not yet processed and dealt with these underlying patterns, you. They are still there. And we don't just need to avoid it. We don't just need to be the people who try to avoid food and avoid wine and avoid men or avoid women and pretend like that's the problem, and now we're solving it. I'm not saying that you have to eat all the food or drink all the wine or be in a relationship if that's not what you want. But just abstaining, just saying no is not necessarily the answer. And if you do want a partnership, like, I realized at the end of my marriage that I felt like I had not had a real healthy marriage, ever been married twice, and never had, like, an actual healthy marriage. So I do want to be married again, and I do want to do it better. I want to have a chance of, like, actually having and creating a really great, healthy, thriving marriage. I do want that.
[00:12:53] So I did need time to be single and on my own. I needed time to meet my emotional needs and to learn how to do that for myself so that I wasn't looking for that from a partner.
[00:13:03] But ultimately, I Also know that I don't want to live my life being single for the rest of my life. That's not what I want. And that's okay, too. So it's giving yourself permission. But we have to look at our reasons why. We really want to understand what is the intentionality behind it. Because if you're not dating because you're a woman and you date men, and let's say you think now all men are just immature jerks and they're all narcissistic, and they are all this way, right? We're just painting all men as bad and evil.
[00:13:29] Now you're like, well, I don't want a relationship because I don't want a guy like that. But we're working from a false premise that there are no healthy men, that healthy men don't exist. Or if you flip it and you're into women, or you're a man dating a woman, it's, there are no healthy women, and it's just not true. We want to recognize where our thought errors come in. So it's not just what are the patterns that are repeating and at play. It's what are the thought patterns, what are the emotional patterns, and what are, I call them thought errors. What are the thoughts that we have that we have taken on as truth or fact? And this has come up several times with clients over the last week, is somebody has said something to them and they have taken it on as truth. And I was like, or what if that was just their opinion? And what if they're entitled to their opinion? What if that was okay? But what if we just let that be their opinion? And what if it was wrong and we didn't try to change their mind? We didn't try to make them wrong or to prove a point, or we just let them be wrong and be wrong about us? I had an ex boyfriend one time who told me that I don't think before I speak. That is not true whatsoever.
[00:14:34] Yes, sometimes I probably am processing verbally, and I'm just processing through things. And I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful or anything. And even in that conversation, as I look back, I didn't say anything bad or mean or hurtful. It was him. He got triggered. It was his issue. His shame got triggered, and he felt not good enough.
[00:14:54] But he couldn't see it. He couldn't accept that. And so it's, well, you, Jillian, have a problem. You don't choose your words carefully because he felt triggered. I could not see that until later. It was A week or two later, where my coach asked me, and she was like, jillian, that's not actually true. Like, do you think it's true? She was like, what if that was just a thought? What if that was just an opinion and you could let him have that opinion? That was huge. That's so powerful, is to recognize where we are taking on somebody else's opinion as fact.
[00:15:24] I noticed I did this a lot with my ex. I would take what he would say as being like the fact of the earth, like God's written word in stone. And so much of what comes out of his mouth are opinions. They're not backed by fact. But truly, they're just his thoughts, his opinions, and he's now welcome to them just like other ex boyfriends, just like parents, just like anybody else. It's like when my dad called me a miser just because I didn't eat all of my candy bars. I would eat, like, half of my candy bar or three fourths, and then I would save part of it because I didn't really need it in the moment. And he came into my room one day and found all these little candy bars half eaten. And he called me a miser. And it's so fascinating because he's just projecting onto me. I don't have to take that on. There were times when he called me selfish. And I look back at how he has shown up in the world, and a lot of what he has done has been selfish.
[00:16:15] And so really recognizing somebody else can have an opinion, and it doesn't make it true, doesn't make it fact. And it doesn't have to be something that you take on. That is emotional resilience. That is really owning your own thought process, owning your emotions and deciding on purpose how you think and feel of yourself. That takes practice, especially after narcissistic abuse. Especially when you've been. When you've grown up that way and you've been in marriages like that where there was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse.
[00:16:42] It takes time, it takes practice, and it takes that outside eye and that outside perspective to help shed light on the things. Because we are so close to our own lives.
[00:16:50] This is really what it is, right? It's like we are so up close. It's like we're right up into our own problems, but we really want to get to what is the root, what is at the core of it. So it's not even just what's driving me to eat in this moment. It's not just this instant trigger or this instant like, how do I say no from a place of self, love, Something we'll talk about in the next episode. And something I talk about often, right, is like not saying no from a place of punishment. It's really how do I say no from this place of love and compassion?
[00:17:22] So really understanding, like what is at the root, not just what's driving the in the moment, but what is underneath it, what is it we're running away from? Why is it that we truly are reaching for the food? And often it's a combo of I'm trying to avoid this negative emotion and create something positive. And sometimes it's not so negative. Sometimes it's more of like I'm trying to avoid boredom or I'm trying to avoid not being fully stimulated or not getting this constant hit of dopamine. And that's what I'm reaching for. It's like the low level discontentment, boredom, uncertainty. It doesn't even have to be big, heavy emotion. It's sometimes seemingly small, right? But we want to better understand what is at the root of this. Like what is really driving the guilt or the resentment, the frustration, the insecurity.
[00:18:05] What is truly happening and really unwinding those patterns. Being able to see how our brain has been operating on default and now how do we rewire it, how do we shift it? And also know that it is not as simple as flipping a light switch. It takes time. It's more of like a dimmer switch that slowly moves. It's not just a on versus off. And this is not just to criticize ourselves. It's not because we need endless work. It's really done from a place of when we fully understand the habit and what's happening, what's at play, what self protective mechanisms might be at play, what doesn't feel safe about pursuing certain goals, then we now have more data to work with. We have a better understanding of what's really going on. So again, we're not always trying to solve the food problem. We're not always trying to just take food away or change the food or worry about it. It's like really getting to the heart of what is there, of what really matters. Once we have some key awareness, that's always going to be the first part is going to be to look at our eating patterns, our eating habits, eyes wide open.
[00:19:07] Once we have that now we can focus on two specific things. Number one, we want to dial down the emotional charge. This means less guilt and shame after eating or bingeing fewer emotional spirals. And we start to catch ourselves sooner and sooner. So instead of waiting until the end of a spiral, it's like we catch ourselves in the midst of it instead of waiting until after the binge or after the overeat, we start to catch ourselves as we're eating and we recognize, oh, I'm not hungry, right, we're starting to catch this now sooner. And we're doing a better job of being able to decrease the heightened emotional stimulation, almost like the anxiety that we're often trying to run away from.
[00:19:49] So less self criticism, less self loathing, less shaming and less reacting on autopilot, less of letting our habit brain run the show and just reacting and jumping into that fight or flight response that we're so used to doing doing. Because at the end of the day feeling like feels like it feels terrible. We want to decrease that charge and the negative emotions that we're experiencing because when we feel better in our body and our mind, everything else gets easier.
[00:20:21] Second, we want to increase our capacity to sit with discomfort without coping, without reaching for food or alcohol, without that knee jerk reaction to people please and appease somebody else without the self abandonment. This is what it looks like to say no to food or wine at night and feeling a little bit uncomfortable at first, but knowing it also isn't going to completely hijack your body or your nervous system. It's setting boundaries and noticing the guilt that comes up or the fear of how they're going to react and still deciding to do it anyways. Not running away from our own decisions and what we know is best for us, for our kids, for other people.
[00:21:01] Sometimes it looks like not responding immediately to that email or that text, even though you know you feel a little anxious with it. It's like no longer putting it off. It's not sticking our head in the sand and just trying to be an ostrich and avoid it and pretend like it's not there. But we also know and we recognize there's some emotion that's come up and I can sit here and I can re regulate and I'll reply to it later or like this doesn't need an immediate response. It's like when you get into that dynamic and that type of exchange, whether it's with a sibling or a parent or maybe an ex, it's noticing how they're like drawing you in, they're sucking you into that dynamic and you don't like how you show up when that comes up. Like you don't like feeling this way. And so now you are choosing to actively not engage, to actively disengage. And it doesn't mean that it never happens. It means that we catch it so sooner and we learn how to back out of it, how to slowly step back.
[00:21:57] Over time, it leads to very real, tangible changes. This is what it looks like to be able to lose weight with ease, to be able to stop emotionally eating. It's creating the systems and the processes for you. When you feel that urge come on, when you feel the craving of how to create a pause, how to slow down, how to recognize and try different things and not to be upset when the first things don't work, but to give yourself options, to be able to recognize, to in even just being, gaining awareness and gaining that depth of knowledge of like, oh, I thought this was anger, but really it was anxiety or oh, I was really just feeling frustrated and misunderstood. It's increasing our vocabulary as well as our capacity to feel.
[00:22:40] And because of that, emotional eating decreases because you're no longer looking for food to regulate your body and to regulate your nervous system.
[00:22:49] Weight loss becomes easier and it becomes a byproduct. It's no longer this battle, it's no longer something you have to fight for. And it's not something that's a punishment. It's not, I weigh too much, therefore I need to lose weight so that I can feel good enough. It's now I'm going to love myself and love my body and create these healthy habits to truly be focused on health versus do I look a certain way? Did somebody love and accept me if I'm this way now, instead of that, your confidence is going to grow naturally because you trust yourself and you have built that trust step by step. And you trust that you are going to set goals and you're going to follow through, that you are going to look at what's within my control. And we can't always guarantee the outcome, we can't always guarantee results. But we don't focus on what we can't control. We look at what is in my purview.
[00:23:36] Where can I disengage? Where can I drop the rope? Where can I own and take back my own emotional stability?
[00:23:43] Your body feels safer, you feel calmer, less reactive.
[00:23:48] We find the safety physically and emotionally to lose weight, to let go of food or alcohol because we now are finding joy in our lives, we're finding peace and comfort in our lives and not making food responsible for that. And you can stop repeating the same loops over and over again. You get out of that Groundhog Day and you start making Progress forward.
[00:24:12] This is what it looks like. This is the power of coaching. And this is why I offer six months and then one year and it's why I have priced it. So. So when you join me for either one on one private coaching or in the reclaiming group program, you'll see two options to join.
[00:24:30] So for the group it's six months for $3,000 or 12 months for 4,000.
[00:24:37] I have priced it specifically because I know a year with me will completely transform your life in all the best ways, from the inside out. Not only are you going to see changes in your body, in your habits, in your sleep, it's how you think and feel about yourself. It's the types of people that you're attracted to. It's your ability to say no, your ability to enforce boundaries with love. It's not just about setting them, it's what do you do when somebody crosses them?
[00:25:03] That's what really matters because it will happen and we don't have to get upset. We don't have to be all huffy and puffy and be like, well, they cross my boundary. Yeah, they did and they will probably do it again. So now what are you going to do about it? Now you have power, you have control, you have choice. You are never stuck and you are never a victim of your circumstance.
[00:25:23] This takes time to rewire because we have often dropped the reins and just been helpless. We've let life happen to us. We have allowed somebody else to control us and manipulate us often because that's what we learned as a kid. It's how we learned to stay safe. It was a survival mechanism. You don't have to feel bad or guilty or ashamed that it happened. We want to have so much love and compassion and recognize I stayed safe by succumbing to somebody else's control. I stayed safe by backing down and self abandoning instead of having my own back and advocating for myself in these different ways.
[00:25:58] That's what it comes down to. And that really is now a nervous system, somatic body work level, type of work that we are doing. It is deep, it is emotional and it will tap on our insecurity, on our fears and it taps on a very foundational need to feel safe, to feel loved, to have connection, to be in community.
[00:26:19] But this is what you gain. You learn how to better understand and identify what emotions you're feeling. You learn how to distinguish what anxiety feels like versus excitement or what is kind of a fun excitement but slightly nervous energy versus anxiety. They're similar. They'll feel Similar in your body, but there's a nuanced difference to it. And everybody's going to be a little bit different. But this is like the difference between feeling misunderstood and feeling frustrated or feeling misunderstood and feeling angry. Right. We want to understand what is truly happening, what is it that I'm really feeling and when. We can create the physical safety in our bodies to feel any emotion as long as it takes, it actually dissipates sooner. But it can be kind of scary. In the past, we were punished for it. In the past. It wasn't safe. In the past, maybe we felt like it was going to consume us. There's so much fear around emotions, especially negative ones. But as narc survivors, we don't feel safe and comfortable with positive emotions either. Because I guarantee you're also wondering, when's the other shoe gonna drop? I probably can't keep this up forever. This isn't gonna last.
[00:27:30] We are always on edge, waiting for another problem, waiting for something to go wrong, waiting for some catastrophe to happen. Because in the past, it did. We thought that things were fine, and then all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, there was this giant blowup. There was this giant meltdown. There was something that came out of the blue. I remember when my ex would go from a 2 to a 10 in terms of anger and aggressiveness.
[00:27:55] He would very quickly snap and turn, just like my stepdad did. And sometimes that rage lasted and spanned multiple days. Sometimes it progressed, it got worse. Sometimes it got worse over the course of a day. It completely hijacks your body, your nervous system, and your body remembers that.
[00:28:14] So we have to create a lot of safety for ourselves.
[00:28:18] And when we do this, we create safety to feel. We create safety for emotions, which means we are not looking for food or alcohol to do that for us. We learn how to regulate our bodies and regulate our systems so that I don't need alcohol at the end of the night to unwind. I don't need food at the end of the night to bring me joy and pleasure. It's no longer the highlight of my day.
[00:28:40] I can enjoy it. I can look forward to going out to eat. I can look forward to trying new restaurants or new bars. I've got a new winery opening up down the street. Like, I'm excited to try it. It opens in a couple weeks. It's going to be fun, but it's not the highlight of my day, and I don't need it in order to have a good time. This is the beauty, and this is where I have seen so much growth in myself, which has been, I no longer care so much about where I go out to eat. I no longer care about what's on the menu because I know that I can find something to eat, I know that I can find something to drink. And it is more about the person that I'm with. It's more about the memories that I'm creating. It's more about the connection and the community and the people than it is about the food. I no longer obsess about the food. It no longer consumes so much of my thinking. And this is possible for you too.
[00:29:29] So some other results. You're going to lose weight. And sometimes that weight looks like five pounds in a week, and then you maintain for three weeks. Sometimes that weight looks like roughly one pound a week, pretty consistently, pretty steadily. Sometimes you drop 10 pounds in a month and then you maintain for two months. But even though the scale's not moving, you're losing dress sizes, you're losing inches, your body composition is changing. This is why I don't want us to be afraid of the scale. I think this is really important. It's to maintain your emotional capacity and stability with the scale and to create a healthy relationship with it, but to also not see that as the end all be all, to know that there are other metrics to track, there are other things that we can deem a success.
[00:30:10] There are so many other non scale victories. And when we validate other results that we're creating in life, as well as raising ourselves for the habits, praising ourselves for our willingness to take action, praising ourselves for our willingness to do something new, to expand our capacity to feel, to be willing to feel new or different emotions, emotions that are hard for anybody. Things like embarrassment or disappointment or letting ourselves down. This is so often why we have a hard time setting goals. But to be honest, it's why a lot of people struggle with actually investing in themselves, in coaching, in therapy, in weight loss in these other areas. Because it is not guaranteed. It is not this. I'm gonna buy it off the shelf at Target, right? Like if we could just buy weight loss off the shelf, that would be pretty easy.
[00:30:55] And sometimes that's what we think we're doing, but we're not. It's actually much more nuanced than that. And if we want the weight loss to stay off, if we want to be able to maintain the habits and maintain the weight loss and maintain our emotional capacity, we have to be able to get to the heart of this and give oursel enough time to make these new habits stick. It's not just about releasing old habits. It's releasing the old patterns of belief, the old emotions that have you taking that action. But it's also stepping into new habits. It's creating those new habits. It's creating new thought processes. It's starting with I'm open to believing or I'm willing to believe or I don't fully believe yet, but I want to, or I recognize. I feel this because I'm telling myself that it's starting to have that nuance and have that pattern. And this is what it's all about. Creating safety, creating stability, especially after divorce, especially after abuse. And it's learning to have your own back. It's not that we're never going to make mistakes or we're never going to fail. It's that I pick myself back up and I get back on track faster every time I do, every time I make a mistake, I learn from it. Every time I have a misstep, every time I have a missed expectation, I'm not afraid of it. What can I learn? And sometimes it's as simple as, okay, well that didn't work.
[00:32:14] What am I willing to try now? What's one thing? What's 1% better, really keeping it small and simple and sustainable. Because again, it has to be what you can do for the rest of your life without hating your life. That's how we're going to create these long term changes.
[00:32:29] So if this is something that you would like, your next best step, you have two options. Number one, you can visit the sales page for the reclaiming. It's at bodyucrave.com forward/reclaim link will be in the description. Don't worry, it's always there. Or schedule a free consultation. You can go to bodyyou crave.com forward/schedule. Find a day and time on my calendar and let's talk about what this would look like specifically for you. Again, these are high level. It's going to look a little different for everyone because everyone has different challenges that they're working with.
[00:32:58] But you can create this too. A life full of ease and fun and joy and pleasure. A life where you're not turning to food, you're not turning to alcohol.
[00:33:07] A life where you're not simply replacing it with another coping mechanism.
[00:33:10] A life where you love yourself, you love your body, you love your life. You're excited to wake up in the morning, you are excited for Mondays to come around, you are excited to get after it. And it doesn't mean that we won't still have challenges and obstacles and difficult conversations and big emotions, because we will. That is going to be a part of it. But we also trust and know that we can handle it and we expand that capacity and we're willing to sit with those emotions as long as they take. Every time those waves of emotion come in and we allow it, we sit with it, we process it, it goes back out and it dissipates so much faster, they actually go away so much faster. When we are not fighting, we're not resisting, but so many of us just don't know how to do that. It's great in theory, but how do you actually do it? That's what I'm going to teach you.
[00:34:00] So whether you come and work with me one on one or you want to join the group, or you have both. So if you work with me one on one, you also have access to the group. That is always an option. We bring in the community and you can see other women who are authentically showing up as themselves in creating a life that they love. It's going to help empower and encourage you to do the same. And when you see other women who have also struggled with emotional eating or drinking, with binge eating or binge drinking habits, who have been in emotionally abusive relationships, who have been cheated on, who have gone through childhood trauma where there has been real heartache and real pain, real grief, big heavy emotions, who have gone through depression, who have been through bouts of anxiety, you don't feel so alone. Let's learn how to release the shame. And part of that, part of it is like, I'm going to go first and I'm going to talk about all the things that I feel like are shamey and how I have experienced it and what that looks like for me now. And I want to create the space where it's safe for you to do that, to actually work on it, to address it, to get the help that you need. And we do that in community. We learn how to release the shame. When now there's a community of us, we're not judging one another because we're all dealing with the same stuff. And now a rising tide is going to lift all boats and we can be encouraged and supported and uplifted and we can take on new thoughts from other people too.
[00:35:19] Stepping out in that faith and trust and belief in yourself. So that it's not just, I lose weight once and I gain it back in six months or I lose weight this year, but I gain it back next year. It's I'm going to completely transform my relationship with food and body and fitness and weight loss.
[00:35:36] I'm going to transform my relationship with myself. I'm going to change the way I see myself, my identity, my self concept. And that will never be the same.
[00:35:45] And when you've got that as your foundation, you'll be unstoppable.
[00:35:49] Nothing is off limits. Nothing is out of the realm of possibility. But we have to build that foundation first and that skill set of talking nice to yourself instead of talking shit. That's a habit to break. And it's a habit that you can. These are habits that you learned, which means they're habits that you can unlearn. And I'll show you how. All right. I would love to chat more if you're on the fence. If you've got some hesitations or you're not sure, schedule a call and let's talk through this. It is no pressure conversation, just to explore and see what is the best fit for you.
[00:36:19] And if this is our only time together, you're going to walk away with a clear path and a clear plan forward of here's what it actually is going to look like to achieve my goals this year and now you have a roadmap to help get you there. You know where to focus your time and energy.
[00:36:32] All right, that's it for today. I'm going to talk about reclaiming your body in the next episode. I'm super excited to share more about that because that has been a huge one for me. But until then, here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:36:50] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
[00:37:11] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyyoucrave.com VTC.
[00:37:25] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you.
