Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back.
[00:00:26] All right, today we are going to talk about how to break all the rules. It's basically what we're doing.
[00:00:31] So I had a program called break the diet rules. It was basically a mini course and I have now taken all of my courses and mini courses and all of these things and I've compiled it all within the body you crave accelerator. So it's all within one course that you get access to like one overarching program. But within it there are some different components. And so with break the diet rules, that was really geared and focused on the weight loss side of things, of what do I actually have to do in order to lose weight. One of the key aspects is breaking the diet rules and what we typically would see as those rules. And one of the things that has come up more, I would say in the last couple of weeks have been rules around divorce, rules around dating. And it started with this rule around Thanksgiving and you can't put up Christmas decorations or listen to Christmas music or it's like you can't be in the Christmas spirit, in that holiday spirit until after Thanksgiving. And it really, it's like, who says?
[00:01:29] Who says? Who decided that was the rule? That is an arbitrary, made up rule. And so I set up all my stuff on November 1st. I was decorating a little bit still on the 2nd, but I set it up the very beginning of November and I love it.
[00:01:45] Like, I am all ready to go. And I really enjoyed my weekend of doing that. And I had some cheesy holiday movies playing in the background. It was a really fun, enjoyable Saturday afternoon for me. But there are people who would say, you're doing it wrong, you're breaking the rules.
[00:02:02] But we are now the adults, okay? And I know it doesn't feel like that, especially as millennials and maybe as you get older, right, it's like you expect somebody to walk in, like a real adult to walk in and tell you you're doing it wrong. And here's the thing, to be honest, when we are in toxic and abusive relationships, we constantly have somebody who is telling us that we're doing it wrong. So look at this from a place of compassion. Look at it with a lot of self love because you have grown up and you've spent decades with people who are constantly telling you you're doing it wrong. No matter what, you're doing it wrong. Your decorations, your hair, your workouts, your face regimen, like, it does not matter. It's like whatever you're doing, you're doing it wrong.
[00:02:44] And we look for these other people, especially in some of these areas where we have goals, right? It's like we look to somebody else to tell us what to do. And I see this so often with weight loss, but I also see it a lot when it comes to divorce and when it comes to dating. And the sad part is, for so many women, there is so much fear around dating, especially post divorce, and getting out of a toxic relationship. And I understand why. I really do. But I don't want you to be afraid of men. I don't want you to be afraid of women. I don't want you to be afraid of new relationships. I don't want you to be afraid of betting on yourself. I don't want you to be afraid of food or drinks or cookies. I don't want you to be afraid of the holidays. And I think that's so often what these rules have really created in us. It's what a lot of these experiences have created for us.
[00:03:31] As I've been talking with different people, clients, prospective clients, the other thing that I've noticed is this common theme and this common thread of, I tried to do it all the right way. I tried to do all the right things, and I still ended up with this trauma. I still ended up divorced. I still ended up marrying an abuser. I still ended up with a disease. I still ended up with cancer or an autoimmune disease. They tried to follow all the rules. They tried to be a good wife, do the right thing, eat healthy foods, be the perfect person, be the perfect Christian. They were trying to do all the right things, right. It's like whatever the rule was, just follow it.
[00:04:09] And then we have this expectation that now life is supposed to go the way we want it. And I think sometimes the prosperity gospel theme can come in here because there's sometimes even just a subtle undertone of, if something's gone wrong in your life, it's punishment. God's not happy with you. You're being punished. Something's being taken away. When really it's just a learning lesson. It's an opportunity to learn from. And sometimes we have to go through really painful experiences in order to create a new us, in order to create a new version of ourselves, in Order to create something new in order to get us on the right path. When I think about when my parents both lost their jobs, we were living in Ohio. I was going into my freshman year of high school.
[00:04:52] They both were out of work for going on six months.
[00:04:56] And it was that financial strain and pain that caused us to move overseas to the former Soviet Union, the small, little, remote state. We lived in Tbilisi, Georgia, and really, it took extreme measures. My mom would never have moved us there. She never in a million years would have done that had there been any other way. And there was no other way. There was no other option. So we ended up moving. And that got her into the State Department. It got me into my international relations degree. It's how my sister met her husband eventually. It's how I met my husband eventually. It really was a pivotal domino. And I can trace dominoes back my entire life, but that one in particular was a very pivotal domino because we needed that experience of going overseas. It has forever changed my life. I'd say that is really a big part of where my heart comes from. When I used to do a lot of care packages for military personnel who were deployed, especially at the peak during the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.
[00:06:01] And really it stemmed from me being overseas, feeling forgotten about, and also having the experience of receiving a care package from home and how meaningful that was, even when it came from people that I didn't know very well.
[00:06:17] And it was the simple little things that really impacted my community service, philanthropy. It impacted some of the things that I did in college that was such a key role in building out my character. We needed to get there, and it was a very painful process by which we ended up getting there. And so it's not that we're being punished. It's not that God has forsaken us or forgotten about us. It's not that we did something horribly wrong. And now God's like, figure it out.
[00:06:46] Sometimes there are things that we can't yet see and we can't connect the dots until we look backwards.
[00:06:52] And it's really easy to hold on to a lot of shame around the negative stuff. Shame of your divorce, shame of marrying an abuser, shame that you didn't leave sooner, shame that you caused your kids trauma. Shame, shame, Shame. This is the narcissist weapon. This is what we have to be so mindful and aware of, because this is how other people have controlled and manipulated us, is to press that shame button, and it's how we now press it on ourselves.
[00:07:15] We really have to stop doing that number one, we've got to start looking at things from a place of compassion and self love and all of those shameful things. Really seeing it as there was so much growth and so much learning and sometimes that's what needed to happen in order to get us to move. Not just move states or move countries, but that's what it's been in my life because that also happened to me after college. Anyways, we're not talking about that today. That story will come another time. But for right now, I want to bring it back to these rules because it's like despite our best intentions to follow the rules and we don't always create the results that we want. Part of this stems back from how we're raised in church. It's how we're raised in school around being a good student of you learn the formula, memorize the formula, and then you follow it, get the right answer now you get your A. And then we get into the real world and we're like, okay, I tried to do the right thing. I got married before having sex. I got married, had kids, bought a house, did all the right things and then I still ended up in this abusive relationship.
[00:08:15] And we really want to see it now as there were lessons that needed to be learned. Just like the episode that I did with Annemarie a few weeks back. Around there are messages that need to be decoded and if we can start to see this as it's here for us to learn from. It's a gift. And it's not always going to feel like that. And especially in the beginning, it might be really hard to wrap our brains around this concept of it's a gift. It is here for us. It's here to teach us so something. It's here to help us evolve and up level ourselves. It's gonna be a little uncomfortable, it's gonna be downright painful at times.
[00:08:50] But this is how we grow, it's how we evolve. And so this is what has shaped some of my thoughts and musings. And so as I was out for a walk this morning, I was like, I might as well do a podcast on this because I have found myself starting to look for the rules and look at what do I want to keep and which ones do I want to break, which ones do I need to throw out? And it really started with dieting. That's really the first experience that I have of breaking rules was 2019 into 2020 and truly breaking the diet rules and looking at how so many of the diet rules are really around what food is good or bad? What am I allowed to eat? What am I not allowed to eat? What am I supposed to follow? Typically, the rules are what foods are good, bad or off limits.
[00:09:35] Sometimes it's carbs and sometimes it's fat, and sometimes it's calories, and sometimes it's sugar, and sometimes it's the time of day or how many hours you're not eating. There's certain rules that you're supposed to follow, but even in following those, quote rules, we still don't always create the results that we want. We still don't always lose all the weight, we rarely can ever keep it off, and we just find that we don't have enough willpower to be able to stick with it long term, even if we really want to, even if we think, yeah, I can do this for the rest of my life. We actually realize our body's telling us otherwise, our psychology is telling us otherwise. When we can truly listen and now rewrite the rules and decide what rules actually work for yourself. When I was rewriting them, it was no longer what food was good, bad, off limits, what I could and couldn't eat. My rules were things like, I'm not going to eat standing up out of the fridge.
[00:10:25] I'm not going to eat straight out of the bag of chips or popcorn.
[00:10:30] I'm going to put my spoon or my fork down between each bite. I'm going to be mindful when I'm eating and not distracted. I'm going to make a plan for what I want to eat. Not from a place of shame and judgment and beating myself up later, but so that I have the intentionality of my thinking conscious brain. Here's what I want to be eating and choosing throughout the day and knowing that when I'm meeting off plan, I am likely emotionally eating. And it's going to bring more awareness for where I need to either make a more realistic plan, either it's not on plan to begin with or. Or I'm not able to say no. From a place of self love to these cravings and food urges. It's just going to help me better identify the work that I need to do around food. The way that I think and feel about it, about weight loss, about all of this.
[00:11:14] I broke the rules in terms of what I had to do. In terms of exercise. I stopped running for a time and then even though I stopped running, I would still walk for an hour and then do the stair climber. It was still a lot of really intense hard work.
[00:11:29] And then I had really bad hip pain. I did something to my hip and I remember it was so bad, it woke me up in the middle of the night. Oh my gosh, I was in so much pain. I think I had a chiropractor appointment already scheduled because active release technique is really helpful for me typically, and that definitely helped in the next couple of sessions. But one of the big things was I was just so used to like beating up my body trying to exercise enough to burn off the binging and overeating. And I kept trying to break it in the wrong spot.
[00:11:57] I really had to learn where in this restrict binge regret cycle I needed to break things and I had to break it with the restriction. I had to stop restricting. And that would help me to create a healthier relationship with exercise, where exercise was no longer punishment, where it was no longer eat as little as humanly possible and work out as hard and as long as humanly possible. And then hope and wish and pray and cross my fingers that maybe the scale would drop on Friday.
[00:12:25] And so this is where we get to take back our power and we get to be really honest with ourselves about what is truly working and what's not, what we want to do, what we want to be able to enjoy, how we want to move forward and what that looks like for each of us. And so when clients come to work with me, we start with a foundational outline and then I help you fill in the gaps. So when it comes to food, I am never going to tell you what you can and can't eat. I'm always going to help you create a plan that is right for you. You, your body, your lifestyle, what life looks like at that particular moment, whether it's super busy, maybe you're traveling, if you are overseas versus in the States, it's going to look a little different. If you're in the car on a road trip, it's going to look different than if you are at home and able to make meals. Things are always going to be a little bit different and nuanced. And it's helping clients to rebuild their self trust around food, around alcohol, around sweets, and around themselves. Ultimately, and this is what it looks like is to figure out what are the helpful rules for you.
[00:13:28] That's what's more important. Another one that was really helpful for me was thinking about it from a lens of I'm gonna eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm satisfied, but I can also play with this. And so I try not to eat at least two Hours before bed, I try to have some time where my body can digest the food before going to sleep. I just feel a lot better.
[00:13:47] I also know that sometimes I have faux hunger in the morning. So it's not even a rule. It's more so a habit now. But the habit has become I drink water first thing in the morning. I wake up and I start drinking water. Depending on the day, I'll have coffee, but sometimes it's not until a little bit later in the morning. I will try to go for a walk or go do something like that. But I have created things that work for me. And I met myself right where I was at, and I worked on getting 1% better.
[00:14:15] I worked on getting just a little bit better. And so as I was working on my emotional eating, especially in the afternoon when I just wanted to crunch and munch on something, the best option would have been to not eat. But in the interim, it was like, let me change and just make what I'm eating a little bit better. So instead of popcorn or chips or crackers, not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's like, well, could I make it some carrots? Could I make it cucumbers? Could I make it something that's a little bit healthier, maybe a little bit more nutritious? That was my level up until I could get to the point where I could say, okay, I'm not hungry, I'm not going to eat. That is the evolution.
[00:14:52] I also had a food rule around I get to have one sweet every single day. Because when I get to have one now, I'm more intentional with it. I think about, do I really want it? Does my body respond well to it?
[00:15:05] I'm not just going to grab something sweet or grab a protein bar or a couple cookies on my way out to go pick up Caleb from school, for example. I'm going to be really intentional with, okay, do I really want this now or do I want to save it for later? And because I can have one, and I can have one every single day. There's no need to binge, there's no need to overeat. I don't have to hurry up and get it while the getting's good. Because I know that there is going to be more tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and. And the day after that, There can be so much peace and freedom and ease. It feels a little counterintuitive at first because in the beginning, the diet rules are what give us this certainty. It's part of what gives us confidence around. If I follow these rules, then I'll lose the weight. If I can just be perfect with these rules, then I'll lose the weight. But this is not a rule in a law of physics.
[00:15:53] Just like the eat less, exercise more does not actually work.
[00:15:58] We could do it for a little bit of time, and at one point it looked like it was working because at one point we were losing weight, but we couldn't keep it off. And now it's harder and harder to go back to something like that.
[00:16:09] And science is actually now telling us that is not the full story. That is not the whole picture. The episode around Hunger Games, white calories in, calories out, is a myth.
[00:16:19] That one was from early on. I can't remember now what number it was, but I will link that up in the description.
[00:16:25] That's a really good one because. And I've talked about it actually in the recent Diet Trauma episode. So in Diet Trauma, I believe that one was episode 55. And then the 2.0 version was how to decrease food noise without medication. That was like the 2.0 of diet trauma. That was another really great one. If you've not listened to that, make sure you go back and listen to it maybe multiple times. Because we have just been so brainwashed, and I really don't know that there's a better way for it, but we have just been so brainwashed with this. This is what we're supposed to do.
[00:16:56] And when we don't see anybody else breaking the rules, it can feel really scary. And I remember when I was first starting my business and I didn't see anybody else around me who was doing what I was doing, and I felt like I didn't have a label for it. I was like, I don't know. I don't fall into keto or paleo or low carb or macro counting or low calorie. I didn't have this title or this label that I fell into. And so it felt very isolating. There was a lot of vulnerability with that, of venturing and doing something that nobody else has done before, or at least what I thought nobody else was doing. And then I also then started to see a couple other coaches who were doing some similar things, and I was like, oh, yes, there are people who are doing things like me. But even now, as I'm bringing in diet trauma and food trauma and pairing it now with relationship trauma and showing how we need to heal both together, how there are common patterns and common themes as to why you are getting into both of these dynamics.
[00:17:54] Nobody else is doing this, Nobody else is talking about it in this way, in the way that I'm doing it. And so I very much feel like a pioneer. It can be a little lonely and it can have me second guessing myself because I don't have somebody else to look to as proof or evidence. But I do have myself, I do have other clients, I do have what I know to be true. And I'm just going to keep moving forward and I believe that I'm going to be a leader in the diet industry.
[00:18:20] I am going to forever change the diet industry.
[00:18:24] And I don't know exactly when or exactly how or what exactly that's going to look like, right? Like, I don't know all of the details, but I trust and I believe that is true. And I know that the more opportunities that I have to get this knowledge in front of more people, the better we all are.
[00:18:42] And it starts by breaking the rules. It starts by giving yourself permission to do it your own way.
[00:18:49] It is going to feel a little scary. And this is why you should come work with me. I can help give you the framework and give you some principles and a philosophy that is going to help you make it your own, that you can step into and start to tweak and adjust and have regular conversations with me around what this looks like for you, how to make it work for you, and to have me in your pocket in Voxer anytime. You can message me day or night. Now, I won't respond until probably the next morning when I wake up if you message me in the middle of the night. But you can get on anytime and message me on this voice messaging app and talk through what's going on, what's coming up for you. And this is so powerful to have somebody where I have broken a lot of rules, but now it's also not going to be do what I did, break the rules just like I did. No, no, no. I'm going to help you and help teach you how to break your own rules so that you can create the life and the body that you crave. Because at the end of the day, you are the one that has to live in it. You are the one that has to live in your life, live in your body, live with the food choices. You are the one who has to put that food in your mouth and actually eat it. I will give you ideas, I'll give you suggestions, I'll help you create your plan, but I am not going to give you meal plans and recipes.
[00:20:07] Number one we have Google for that. Okay. There are so many recipes and options online. Just start searching. I believe in you. You can do hard things. Okay. There's already a lot of that for free. What I want to help you do is build your self trust.
[00:20:22] That is what most diets are missing. That is what so many of us are missing coming out of these toxic and abusive relationships. Your trust around yourself, trust in your decision making, trust in listening to your intuition and those gut instincts. Trust in choosing a man or a woman, trust in choosing friends, trust around cookies and holiday parties and buffets.
[00:20:45] You can trust yourself. And part of it is working to heal the trauma so that you can listen to your body and what it's telling you and when so that you can hear the nuance. And even when we don't know exactly what it's saying, we understand the overall meaning.
[00:21:02] That is so important.
[00:21:04] This isn't just about diet, though. I did bring in the divorce and the dating side of things because I also noticed that I broke a lot of rules when it came to divorce. And now as I think about dating, there are some interesting thoughts that I have about that. Let's start with a divorce though.
[00:21:17] My divorce, we did without lawyers. We negotiated it in probably three weeks and it was signed. Everything was done, start to finish, three months and three days.
[00:21:28] That was it.
[00:21:30] I broke a lot of rules and I am very proud. I am very happy. And I remember watching this online free training and in it there was somebody talking about all the things that you needed to do and how you needed to hide money and you needed to start collecting evidence and data. It seemed like this level of war, I don't know, it did not sit right with me. And I didn't know why exactly, other than I thought if I were to pursue it and go things that route, that not only would feel really terrible to me, really inauthentic, I would feel really on guard and on edge all the time. But I think that would make my divorce process worse. I think that would do more harm than good.
[00:22:14] And we really have to trust our own judgment and we have to trust ourselves as we make these decisions. Because I'm sure there are some people where that information was really helpful. It was probably really beneficial. It was the best thing that certain people needed to hear. But it was not the best thing for me and my life. And you have the permission and the self authority to decide and to listen to those little nudges, those little inklings, because I guarantee had I done things this other way, I would have Made my divorce a thousand times more expensive, a thousand times longer, a thousand times worse.
[00:22:50] And it was already emotionally stressful and strenuous. It was a very tense summer. It went quick, but there wasn't a lot of healing, there wasn't a lot of processing, there was a lot of grief. But I still was very much in survival mode for the next year. A lot of scarcity and anxiety around money. Still wrestling with the wounds of narcissistic abuse and my childhood trauma. Still wrestling with a lot of self doubt and shame and guilt and uncertainty. Then at various times wrestling with heartbreak. And it just. There was a lot and I have moved through so much. I started thinking about it the other day and I'm just like, how am I not a puddle on the floor on one hand too. My survival mechanisms, thank God for them. Thank God that we have these built into us because we did survive, we did make it through really tough times. I am now here creating such a better life for myself, for Caleb, for everyone, listening, for so many people that are in my world now and in my life. But it was very difficult and I am still somewhat amazed and in awe that I am not this heap on a floor just sobbing all the time. Because I've dealt with a lot and the reality is I've experienced a lot of trauma, but I also haven't necessarily dealt with all of it until this past year. It's been really within the past maybe two to three years that I've really started to deal with it this last year in particular.
[00:24:17] And I know there are still going to be levels and layers to unpack and uncover, but there has been so much growth and so much healing and this is not the only way that you need to get divorced. It doesn't make it the right way because that's how I did it.
[00:24:32] Again, when you give yourself permission and you learn how to advocate for yourself, how to trust yourself, trust your judgment. I also knew when what my ex really wanted. I knew what was important to him and I knew where I wasn't going to fight him. And I was willing to take less in the divorce. I was willing for it to not be a full 50, 50 of assets because I knew that I was going to go on and create so much more money and peace and ease and freedom in my life and I didn't need to rely on him. Whatever I gave up, let's say it was like $20,000 worth of assets. Let's just say it was 20 grand. I know I'm going to create 10x that in just the next couple of years, I will create a thousand X that in the rest of my life, like, I'm going to create so much more than that.
[00:25:21] So I don't need to fight. I don't need to draw out the process. I can trust that I am going to create the life that I truly crave.
[00:25:30] A life of happiness beyond my wildest dreams. Being rich in spirit, rich, rich in love and enjoy, rich in experiences, rich in these other ways. Not just about money, but I also had a lot of lessons still to learn. This is where, again, you give yourself permission and freedom to do it your own way and to not worry about what other people think or what other people say. And really, that was a huge lesson in learning how to advocate more for myself, for my needs, for my wants. And it was a little scary at times, but there was growth. There was so much growth in that. And now as I look to dating and I start dating somebody new, it's been really interesting. I've said a couple of times, I'm like, I feel like I'm breaking the rules here. There's this kind of, like, arbitrary rule around. If you go out on a date, you're not supposed to text them for three days, by the way. I think that's a toxic trait. Okay? But there are some common dating rules around. You're not supposed to message. Don't message first. Number one, don't message within a certain amount of time. There was even a girl on Instagram who was teaching toxic traits. She was like, if a guy makes you upset and he makes you mad, then you just need to block him for three days and he'll learn his lesson. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. But this is how she's teaching women to try to get royal princess treatment. And I'm like, okay, so you are now taking toxic women who didn't get their needs met with toxic men, and now you're teaching them to go after good, healthy men and to keep using these toxic traits. You are a piece of.
[00:26:55] I can't. So anyways, there are a lot of dysfunctional patterns and beliefs and habits, right? All of the games, playing hard to get, being aloof, hot and cold, a lot of things that are really highly dysfunctional. And I don't want to play by those rules. I don't want to play those games. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't remember now if this was on the first date or the second date, but in talking with the new guy, I'm Like, I don't have time for games. I'm now 40, I don't have time for this shit. Frankly, I don't want to. I don't want a man who wants to play by those stupid rules anyways. But there was another one that was like, you are not supposed to plan into the future farther than the amount of time that you've been with this person. So if you've been dating one week, you're not supposed to plan out more than one week. And I was just thinking, that's so silly. Like, maybe that would have worked as a 20 year old. But now I'm like shooting. I have a life, I have a business, I teach on the side, I have a son, I have a custody schedule, I have travel now. We've got holidays coming up. I'm like, I have to plan out. It might take two weeks before I could even have a first date with somebody, depending on when I meet them. And I really, I don't have a lot of first date spots, so I'm very intentional with who gets one. But not playing by those rules. But that came up the other day because I was like, there are things later on in the month that. There are things a couple months down the road that we've already started talking about. And look, in the grand scheme of things, if this ends up not working out, that's okay. We'll be fine. We'll make other plans. This is not the end of the world. But I like being able to plan out. And so I have the best early birthday celebration I'm planning for him. And it's at the end of this month, so it's already a couple weeks out. I've only known him two weeks, but we have such a great connection. We have such a good foundation of a relationship going right now. And I'm just, I'm having so much fun and I'm really enjoying it. And this is what it's all about, right? Is like finding the rules that work for you. And now my dating rules are not about when can I contact him and when am I allowed and when does he have to contact me by. Otherwise he's out. Now it's more of paying attention to who they are, how they show up, when they're with me, how they talk to me, their consistency, right? Are they hot and cold? Are they in my life all at once, all of a sudden, and then they withdraw? Are they playing hard to get? Are they aloof? One of my things is don't get attached too quickly. And so part of the process then for me becomes I date and I go on dates with a variety of different people. Anyways, I'm going to do a whole miniseries on dating because that has been a whole growth and evolution for me over the last couple of years. And I've learned a lot about myself and I've really learned to trust myself around men and around even being able to walk away when it's just not the right fit. When it's a really great guy and he's super nice and sweet and a lot of green flags and it's very calm and relaxed but just not the right fit. It's. There's just something off and to be able to walk away because it is usually in the walking away that I will see their true colors and not always. There was a really great guy I dated this summer and we're still pretty good friends. Still think of him very highly. We had a really great, very amicable, healthy breakup. But for a lot of guys, that's when their true colors come out. And it's not always super loud, super vibrant. It's subtle, but I can pick up on the subtle. And I think, thank God, I just dodged a bullet. And this is where we keep rebuilding our own self trust. You decide the rules that you want to follow, the rules that you want to play by because this is your life.
[00:30:28] Let's stop playing by everybody else's made up fictitious rules and start playing by your own.
[00:30:34] You are the CEO of your life. You get to decide what you want to do and who you want to spend time with and how and what that looks like. Let's step up, step into that. Level it up. Time for us to all level up the way that we do this. A big piece of this is leveling up your self concept, how you think about and see yourself. That is a huge piece, a huge aspect of this.
[00:30:56] And then finding a coach or a mentor who is also breaking the rules and will encourage you to break the rules as well and do things your own way to not even make you do them the way that they did. Like when I hired a health coach back in the day, she was like, this is what I did. This worked for me, therefore now that's what I'm teaching and you have to do it this way is basically what she said. And my premise is there is no one right way. I'm going to help you figure out the right way for, for you and this season of life that you are in. I'm gonna help you to break free from the outdated systems and rules that keep you stuck and keep you in toxic patterns, keep you operating out of a place of survival. We are no longer going to play and live out of fear and scarcity and these low vibrational levels. I wanna help you level up and play bigger and play better and truly create a life on purpose. A life so good you don't need an escape from it. And I'm going to give you a starting point, I'll give you a methodology and a framework and then I'll help you fill in the gaps for what this looks like for you in particular.
[00:31:57] At the core, I'm going to help you build your self trust, rebuild it really. I guarantee at one point you had it, but you overwrote it. At one point you had some, but then you look to other people. At one point you had it, but then you were told you were wrong, you were bad, you were being rebellious, you needed to fall in line, do things the way that somebody else told you. And really that self trust has just been eroded over the years, but it's still there and I will help you get it back. Because this is how you create any new result in your life that you want. This is the foundation, this is what it's all about. Has nothing to do with the food and the exercise in particular.
[00:32:37] It's all about these deeper underlying issues. It's being able to see the toxic patterns, the trauma bonds that we get sucked into where and how to break them, and understanding what we need to do so that we don't get sucked back into it. How to meet your own emotional needs so that you're no longer looking for someone else to do it for you. You're no longer falling for that quick hit Sparky Flash in the pan dating experience.
[00:33:01] You're no longer looking for food or alcohol to meet your emotional needs. Because when you learn how to do that for yourself, now you can have a very healthy, neutral relationship with food, a very healthy, neutral relationship with alcohol, where you can moderate both of those no matter what is going on around you. And this is what we also want when it comes to dating and relationships and friendships, is to have calm, peaceful, healthy relationships with other people.
[00:33:29] And that means we have to look at our own dysfunctional patterns and what we have brought to the table and what is still yet unhealed. That's exactly what I'm going to help you do.
[00:33:39] So your next best step is to schedule a free consultation.
[00:33:42] Let's get on the phone, let's get on Zoom. Let's chat through this and let's talk about where you are now, where you want to be a year from now. And I'm going to help you to better understand the cycles that are playing out, where to break them, and what true healing and freedom looks like for you.
[00:33:56] This is what it's all about and this is how you create the life and the body you crave.
[00:34:02] Promise you can do it too.
[00:34:04] You are not a special anomaly unicorn that can't create this as well. Does not matter what you've experienced, what you've been through, how many times you've tried before and failed, you can create this too. The key difference is that we are now going to actually identify and solve for the real problems, the real issues, not what you're eating.
[00:34:26] All right, this was a good one. Very much stream of consciousness. I did have a little bit of an outline here. I did a pretty good job of following it too. I'm pretty proud of myself.
[00:34:34] Not gonna lie. I think that's it. Have a great week y'. All. Here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:34:46] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
[00:35:06] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyucrave.com BTC.
[00:35:21] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you.
