Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: Y' all ready?
[00:00:19] Speaker A: Let's go.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Hey. Hey. Welcome back. I wanted to pop in and do this little bonus episode today because the Alabama game last weekend was so amazing. It was so spectacular.
Now, if you haven't seen or aren't paying attention to Alabama football, which I don't blame you if you're not, but they are a fantastic team to watch and I love these sports analogies. They work so well and it was so encouraging for me even to watch. So they played South Carolina last Saturday and they are ranked number four.
They are away at South Carolina playing an unranked team. Okay, so they have a very high level team playing a not so great team, but they're still very competitive, right? And they are away. They are in a different stadium, very loud, very crazy.
And now it gets to be the third quarter and they are down, they are losing. They started out winning the game and it is neck and neck for a while and then they're losing. And in quarter four, they're down 14 to 22.
Okay, there are three minutes left, three minutes left in the game. They are still down 14 to 22. They need eight points. So that means they need not just a touchdown, they need a two point conversion. Instead of the extra point field goal, they have to do a two point conversion just to tie. But this team needs does not give up. And I think this is the beauty because at this point I have long gone to bed.
I'm following the game online and just looking at it, but I saw the score, third quarter, fourth quarter and I was like, oh, that is not looking good. So three minutes left, Alabama has the ball and they take it down the field play by play. 5 yards, 8 yards, 6 yards, 10 yards. They're just working for that next first down. They're not thinking about how long they have to go as a whole. They're just looking at the next play, get to the next first down, keep the ball moving, keep possession. They move the ball down the field and they score. Not only do they score their touchdown, they score their two point conversion with a minute and a half left in the game.
Playing away in a different stadium that is probably on fire, cheering against them.
They don't give up.
So now they've tied, right? Not only have they come back from being down and this is where it would be so easy to be like, screw it, we've already lost. There's only three minutes. What can we do with that? It's really not enough time. We'd have to hit so many things just right. It probably can't happen.
So many people would just give up at the very end. And this is important as we head into the last two months of the year.
Have you done that with your goals?
Have you decided that, oh, we're at the end of the game, we're at the end of the year, might as well just throw on the towel. It's fine. We've got the holidays coming up. I just want to have fun. I just want to enjoy myself. I'll start in January and this is my encouragement because I know there are some of you out there who hear this and you feel a little convicted right now. My goal is not to shame you. My goal is to encourage you to keep going.
Because I saw this and I saw what happened with this game and I was like, oh, shit, I probably did the same thing too.
And that's okay. But this is where we get to decide how do we want to live our lives and do we want to live lit up and on fire and focused and motivated and running through the finish line, or do we want to keep giving up on ourselves?
And this is where it's the little quits. It's giving up on the day, giving up on the week. It's giving up on the year when there are two months left.
Now, I'm not saying that you have to go out and lose 30 pounds in the next two months. Okay? That's not the point of this. The point is who you become in the next two months. Because when you become the person who doesn't give up on themselves, who decides, I am doing this come hell or high water. And I don't care if it takes me an extra three months or an extra six months, I am going to figure this out. You become the person who is unstoppable.
You become the person who can set those one year, three year, five year goals and follow through on them and course correct and readjust because you don't get stuck in the judgment and the shame and all of the things that tear us down and pull us back. You stay focused, you stay committed. And this is the thing. We don't need to tap into like excitement and high vibes only. We need to tap into this deep commitment not just to the goal, not just to some arbitrary number, but, but to who we are becoming in this process.
That's what it's all about. Because it doesn't make a damn bit of difference if you lose the weight just to gain it back again.
The goal here is not just about losing 30 pounds or 50 pounds. The goal is who you become so that you can keep the weight off. Which means so often we need to work through a lot more around diet trauma and food trauma and body image trauma and relationship trauma and marriage trauma and childhood trauma and all this stuff that we have been given now as a gift and a lesson to learn from.
Because I guarantee your weight loss solution, your relationship solution, is going to come by working through those pieces, by decoding and understanding the patterns and the habits and the gifts that are showing up in that. When you now can squeeze out the value and the failure gold from those experiences, when you can pull and extract that out. Now we're cooking with gas. Now we've got it. Because so often those are the things holding you back. You don't need another set of diet rules. You don't need another 30 day challenge or 30 day detox. Fuck all of that, we're done. The solution now is being able to learn from past attempts, past failures, and to see the cycles. To see them and to better understand the cycles and what's happening, how they play out, and to better understand the emotions that have you eating, that have you drinking and that have you giving up on yourself and choosing on purpose to tell yourself a different story.
Even when everyone around you is like, we're going to start over in January because that's what most people do, but we're not like most people. And when you start to embody this, when your self concept changes, that's when the magic happens.
So let's go back to this game because it doesn't stop there. It does not stop at a minute and a half. Okay, so they've tied the game and now South Carolina has the ball. So they're taking it down the field. And our defense, one of our defenders, strips the ball as this other team is going down with it. There's a fumble and Alabama recovers. Is the ruling on the field. Alabama recovers this fumble and, and they now are in possession. So there's about a minute on the clock at this point. They now have the ball. It's tied. They could just run down the clock and say, you know what, it's good enough with the tie. We don't want to risk it. We don't want to risk another turnover. We don't want to Risk South Carolina getting this and taking it down and scoring, but they don't play it safe. They bet on themselves. They don't give up on themselves and on this vision to stay number four, if not to keep increasing in rank and their ratings. And wouldn't you know, with 30 seconds left in the game, they score another touchdown and they go on to win. They don't settle for a tie. They go for the win. And they kept playing hard until the very end. They gave it their all. They stayed focused.
This is what we want to do. This is the type of grit and perseverance and commitment that we need to have.
And this can be hard when we use our past failures against ourselves.
This is hard when we look to the past and we're like, I did all the right things, and then I still didn't lose weight.
I was such a good person. I was such a good wife or a good spouse. And I still got divorced.
I ate so healthy and I tried to stay fit, and I still got a disease. I still got cancer. I still got an autoimmune. And it goes back to this thought of, I did all the right things, I played by everyone else's rules. I did it right, and I still got screwed over.
I still didn't get what I wanted. It's like if you study for a test and you're like, all right, I got all the right answers, but I still failed the test. I did all the work. I showed all my work. I did all the things right, but I still failed. How frustrating we get. And when we are frustrated, and when that frustration gap is big, our desire to give up on ourselves is big. I see frustration stemming from where we think we should be, like our expectation versus reality.
So when we have expectation up higher and reality falls below whatever that expectation was, that is our frustration gap. And the bigger that gap, the more likely we are to give up on ourselves. Maybe not always, but at least for a little bit of time, it's at least a little quit. And especially as we head into the end of the year, so many people are like, I don't want to miss out. It's the number one reason why we give up, why we are emotionally eating throughout the rest of the year. There's apathy. It's like, screw it, whatever, I'll start in January.
It's that permission. But it's also this. I don't want to miss out on the good times. I don't want to miss out on the parties and the food and the drinks and having fun and we have attached so much fun and joy and pleasure with food, with parties, with alcohol, with drinking.
Now I will tell you, I love trying new food, I love trying new restaurants and new cocktails and new things. But that is not the primary source of my joy. And when we are in survival mode, when we are just trying to make it through and just trying to survive, it's going to feel really hard to achieve other life joy. Food becomes such an easy source to get that need met. It's fast, it's reliable, it's pretty cheap. We can find it just about anywhere it meets us. Where we're at, we can eat it. Sitting in bed in our PJs doesn't require a lot of vulnerability.
When we are at this low level, vibrationally, energetically, when we are in either a functional freeze, maybe a bit of a depression. When we're in this survival mode, food feels like the quick, easy way.
And that's okay. We can have some compassion for ourselves and accept that this is where we're at. But the solution is not just to keep staying in survival mode. The solution is not to stay stuck in these low vibrational cycles. The solution is to learn how to break free and to get out of survival mode. And the first step is to process all of your unhealed, unprocessed emotions. Because that is typically what's keeping us there. The grief, the anger, the anguish, the heartache, the shame, the self judgment, the fear of judgment from other people.
And I guarantee that fear of judgment from others really stems from you judging yourself.
You get to go first, you get to rewrite the story. But we first have to allow ourselves to feel it all.
And I promise when you do that, when you allow yourself to fully feel every emotion, knowing that this is just a vibration in my body, this is just a short term physical sensation, this too will pass.
The more you allow it and you don't put a timeline on it, the faster you move through it.
And what was so amazing to see in talking with a client this week, she has been working through a lot of unprocessed anger with her ex around her divorce and really working through some big heavy emotions.
And she's been doing a lot of work. She went to an event over a weekend and she just felt so light, so calm, had such a great weekend, no emotional eating. And then that following week it was like the doors opened up and she could feel and process her emotions so much better. She could articulate what she was feeling. She could actually feel her hunger cues again. It was like the anger and all of this deep, heavy emotion, it was blocking her from being able to feel other things, from moving forward, from even feeling the physical sensations like hunger.
When we allow ourselves to focus on that, we can address the real thing that's blocking us, the real obstacle that's in the way. We're not trying to dig around it or dig over it. It's like we're working on that primary obstacle, that primary boulder. And when you do that, when you give yourself that opportunity, it makes everything else so much easier. She's able to set boundaries.
She's able to love herself even more. She's able to hold space. She's able to say no to people when it doesn't feel aligned. She's not giving in. She's not feeling responsible for other people's emotions. And she's allowing other people to walk away if they don't want to play by her new rules.
She's not sinking down to their level. She is rising up and she is inviting other people to come with her. And if they don't want to come, that's okay. They can stay in these lower cycles, keep repeating the same things over and over again. That's their choice, that's their journey. And she does not feel responsible for them.
It's not her job to save them. It's not her job to fix them. It's not her job to come in and meet their emotional needs.
And now that she has more of this freedom and she's released so much of the bigger heavy emotion, she has the capacity to be able to do that.
This is what healing looks like.
And in the beginning it might seem like not much is changing.
And then it truly is that compound effect. We are looking and it's like small 1%, 1%, 1%. And then it's like everything changes.
We can see the change, we see it manifesting. But a lot of times there's under the surface work. And this plays out with weight loss and with food and the scale all the time. A lot of times things are happening under the surface within our bodies, within our composition before we see the scale go down. Because the scale is a lagging indicator. So while we can look at it and we can use it to gauge progress, that is only one piece of data we want to look at.
There are so many other aspects we've got to consider.
And this is what helps keep you going, is when you see other non scale victories, when you see other aspects that are going well, it helps to keep you focused and moving forward. And I think about that with dating for me too. I don't need him to show up in a certain amount of time or in a certain way. I can let it unfold naturally. And this is where there's a lot of self trust. And this process is helping me to build the self trust.
So that way, when the right man does show up in my life now, I'm not questioning and doubting and second guessing because I know what to look for. I know the positive green flags I'm looking for. I know the red flags. I know how to listen to things in my body. I get it so much better. It makes it easier. I'm not afraid now of a new relationship. There are so many pieces, there are so many ways that this plays out in our life.
So don't give up. We are just getting started.
And it does not matter how long you've been at this, how many years you've been at this, it's okay. Find the words, find the phrases that are going to motivate you and encourage you. And sometimes it's as simple as, I'm not quitting, I'm not quitting on myself anymore. I will figure this out. And I know I've said this before, but one of the biggest things for me when I really focused on working on my overeating and emotional eating habit, I decided I was going to figure this out no matter what. I didn't care how long it took. I didn't care how many things that I tried that didn't work. I didn't care how much money I spent. I did not care about any of the things. I just knew I was going to figure this out. And it just keeps getting better and better.
And I think I got off on a little tangent here because where I was going with this at one point, the direction of this was going to be that you can lose weight and enjoy the holidays. It doesn't have to be an either or.
So often we live in this world of false dichotomies. It's either black or it's white. It's this or it's that.
Life is a full spectrum of color and we have the freedom now to make it look however we want.
This is where I know it can feel hard when you feel like you've played by the rules before and you didn't get what you wanted. You did all the right things and now it becomes easy to throw in the towel.
I want to show you a better way.
I'm not trying to save you from your emotions, save you from Your human experience. This isn't about being the savior. This is about showing you a better way, another way, and a way that is going to be crafted and curated for you, for your body, your lifestyle, your tastes and preferences.
Everybody is on a slightly different journey, but there are key aspects that we have to work through.
And this can be the year that changes all future years.
Because it's not just about the weight loss.
It's about changing how you see yourself. It's the process of who you are becoming.
And when we can step into that, when we can release the shame, release the self doubt, release the abandonment. And when we stop abandoning ourselves, everything can change.
Healing comes.
But this idea and this concept of giving up on yourself, that really is just self abandonment.
That's what you learned in that Narci relationship. It's what you learned from your childhood. You learned how to abandon yourself, your dreams, your wants, your desires. It's where you learned how to put other people's needs, wants, desires ahead of your own. It's where you learned to prioritize their convenience over yours. It's where you tried to do all the right things and now maybe feel a little bitter because life hasn't turned out the way you thought it was supposed to.
And that's okay, let's rewrite this story.
But don't give up. And even now in the holidays, you get to choose a new story. Here, it doesn't have to be, well, I always gain weight or the holidays always suck, or I can only lose weight if I eat my Weight Watchers frozen meal at Thanksgiving, if I miss out on all the fun things and I avoid all the cookie swaps and parties and I just have to white knuckle and say, no, you don't have to miss out. And so if you have wrestled with this, if you are struggling with this concept or this idea, come work with me. This is the best time to do it, to really start to understand and to decode these patterns. And I guarantee this is the best time to learn how to stop shaming yourself, how to stop throwing yourself under the bus and beating yourself up, feeling like you're not good enough. Because I guarantee a lot of you are waiting until January because you're waiting until you think you can be perfect. You're waiting for a time when you think life's gonna look a little different, it's gonna be less hectic, less chaotic, less temptation. So I'll just wait until it's easier. And all you do is reinforce that you need to lose weight in a vacuum that you can't lose weight during real life.
This is real life. This is when we do the work. And I'm going to show you how easy it can be. It is simple and it can also feel easy.
And there are going to be times when it won't. And that's okay too. We are going to be going through this and learning. But this, this year, starting now, will forever change how you think about and how you handle the holidays for the rest of your life.
This isn't just about the next six months or the next year.
This is about forever. The decades that are still to come. And you have the power to change them. You are in control and you are a powerful creator.
You are a powerful manifestor.
Now let's put that to good use, to good work. Instead of creating this negative cycle and this self fulfilling negative prophecy, let's flip it and I'll show you how. Your next best step is to schedule a free consultation. Come talk with me and let's talk more about where you are now, where you'd like to be in the next year.
And I'm going to help you to better understand where you're getting stuck, what needs to shift and what needs to happen, and what the path of healing looks like for you.
And I promise it's not as hard or as arduous as we think. I promise it can be done through the holidays while still enjoying and savoring the holidays. Even with difficult people, even with difficult situations. This is your time. And we are not done yet. We are just getting started.
Y' all ready?
Let's go.
All right. I hope you have a fabulous weekend. I am gonna be setting up my Christmas tree on Saturday.
That's right. Because here's what I decided. Somebody arbitrarily made a rule that we have to wait until after Thanksgiving to set up your tree. If you are going away for Thanksgiving, maybe you can set it up the weekend before, but you have to wait for a certain amount of time before you can break out all the Christmas stuff. And you know what I say to that it absolutely not. No more. We are done playing by everybody else's rules. And that includes when I can put up my own Christmas tree. So I am doing that in November. Because the other thing that I've noticed is that when I have a luxurious amount of time to enjoy my holiday decorations and candles and lights and all the things, I'm actually ready to put them away in January.
I'm like, yes, this is okay. I love this whole holiday season.
It makes me so happy.
So why not enjoy it a little bit earlier? Why not enjoy it a little bit sooner now? I've reorganized my apartment so I don't know where this big ass tree is gonna go. That'll be what I figure out next. But I encourage you to look for the areas of your life where you can bring more pleasure and joy. Where it's not reliant on food.
This is what it looks like and this is what I can help you do too. Here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:22:01] Speaker A: If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships.
[00:22:08] Speaker B: Your next step?
[00:22:10] Speaker A: Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyucra.com VTC.
It's time to break the cycle.
[00:22:37] Speaker B: I'll show you how.
