Getting THEIR voice out of YOUR head

[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go. [00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back. [00:00:26] All right, so this week we are going to talk about and dive into this concept that comes up for a lot of my clients. [00:00:34] And it either comes up on an initial consultation call or typically fairly early in the coaching relationship. But I have a lot of clients who want to learn how to get their ex's voice out of their head, their parents voice out of their head. [00:00:50] And that's often how we see it. It's is like their words, their thoughts, their disbelief, it's all stuck in my head. And now it's almost like it prevents and prohibits me from being able to create what it is that I want. [00:01:08] So of course we wanna get their voice out so that way we can create the things that we want. And so this is often a key sign and a key symptom of narcissistic abuse. And so when I hear this, it's a little flag for me of, ah, I know what's really going on. Like, anytime a person feels confused in a relationship and things feel really confusing and they don't make sense, that's a big red flag. Anytime there is a lot of self doubt and often other people's voices in their head that they're like, I just can't get rid of it, I can't shake it. That's often a big red flag. And so there are things that I've just learned over the years to pay attention to and to be aware of. Again, we want to solve the right problem with the right solution. And we need to properly diagnose the problem so that we can have the proper solution. That's what this is about. So this is not about trying to label, name call, throw shade, right? This is not about being spiteful and vindictive. The key here is that you want to focus on yourself. So I'm always going to bring you back to you. [00:02:17] Your experience and the impact that their words and their actions had on you, your mind, body, soul, your nervous system, so that you can truly heal and move forward in a healthy way. [00:02:30] And so while I talk more about narcissistic relationships and toxic relationships and these different dynamics and childhood trauma, it is not to beat anybody else up or throw anyone else under the bus. It's to help explain and Help us identify what's really at play so that we can truly heal and solve the issue and solve the problem. Because the this comes up and it's like even after divorce, after the breakup, after you've left your parents home, it might even be after a parent has passed away, their voice still lives in your head in a negative way. And so this is why it's not just about getting out of that dynamic. Leaving that dynamic is the first step in healing. And so we want to keep going. We've got to take it further if we really want to create the most out of life and not let this keep holding us back. Because I also have clients who have divorced or left these dysfunctional relationships 10, 20 years ago. Like it doesn't have to even be a recent thing. But this type of dynamic, until you truly heal what's at play underneath it, it will still show up in your life and you will keep recreating these negative habits, negative patterns, things that you don't want, results that you don't want. [00:03:53] Okay? And so we often come out of narcissistic or dysfunctional relationships where there were hurtful or demeaning words that get stuck in our head. So it's like really, it's usually negative comments. [00:04:06] We typically aren't upset about the nice things that they've said about us. [00:04:11] We're upset about the harsh words that were said. [00:04:14] And those words often, they'll keep you stuck and they keep you in self doubt. And I believe that is one of the key tactics used in these dynamics is they want to keep you in shame, they want to keep you in feeling like a fear of abandonment. And they want to keep you doubting yourself, doubting your emotions, doubting your reality and doubting what you know to be true because it helps them to stay safe, right? It's all just for them to avoid feeling shame. It's a self protective mechanism for them. [00:04:49] And so they want to keep you feeling stuck, they want to keep you in this self doubt. So that, and that is one of the core wounds. Self doubt is a core wound of narcissistic abuse. And that's something we'll talk about probably next week. I'll air that. There are four core wounds. I call them the core four. [00:05:07] And we'll address each one of those in the coming weeks. Because this is really impactful. This is ultimately at the root of why it can feel hard to get started, losing weight, why you can start and Maybe you lose 10 or 15 pounds and then you slam on the brakes, maybe you lose 20 or 30 pounds and then slam on the brakes, right? And so we wanna really understand the dynamics underpinning what we're seeing. That is just a symptom, but we have to get to the root of what's happening. [00:05:35] So when we stay stuck or we stay confused, it actually is a protective mechanism now for us because it's a way that your brain keeps you feeling safe. Because again, anything that is unsafe equals death. It is very much I need to stay safe so that I stay alive. And so when it is now mental emotional safety, our brain still sees that as the same kind of safety that we would experience on a physical level. [00:06:05] So your brain wants to keep you confused and it wants to keep you stuck because it often will keep you maintaining the status quo. [00:06:15] Things don't have to change, things get to stay familiar, you get to know what's coming, right? And it sounds backwards, right? And it might even feel a little backwards. It comes off as that, that, that actually doesn't make any sense. That's not right. That can't possibly be true. [00:06:32] But most of us are going to feel frustrated when we feel stuck, right? And that's normal. [00:06:40] But we want to see how this stuckness and feeling stuck or how the self doubt, how keeping their words in your head is creating a level of safety. [00:06:53] And I want to give you more power to break free. So we need to understand this concept around self doubt, around being stuck around their words in your head. Because often their words will keep you stuck, often their words will keep you in self doubt. And yet we, it's like we cling to it and we have a really hard time letting it go typically because it feels so true. It doesn't just feel like an opinion, it feels like the God's honest truth. [00:07:27] And so one of the challenges here and the way that we want to start to see it is somebody else's words sticking in your head. Often they stick so much because there was a little part of you, at least a little part that believed that to begin with. [00:07:43] And that's why it was so hurtful, that's why it was so triggering. [00:07:47] We, that's why you couldn't laugh it off and be like, oh my gosh, that's so ridiculous. Of course it's not. That would be like if I was looking outside right now and the sky is blue and somebody was to try to tell me the sky is green, I'd be like, yeah, okay, you're crazy. I don't know what reality, what weird world and false reality. You're living in right now. But the sky is definitely blue. [00:08:12] And when I know that, and I know with this deep conviction of no, that is blue, then it's like there's so much strength in that. And I like, I don't pay attention to them thinking it's green. It doesn't come up for me later. I'm not wondering, oh my gosh, is it really green? I'm not doubting myself, I'm not doubting the colors. I'm not doubting my eyes. I'm not thinking, maybe I need new glasses. [00:08:35] But when there's a part of us that thinks what they're saying, like, there's some truth in it, when there's a part of us that agrees, when what they say triggers something that was said to us as a child, it sticks. And we don't always understand why, we don't always see it. But I've got a couple examples for you here. Number one, one time, my grandmother in the kitchen, and I've shared this example a couple times before, but I remember in the kitchen one time I was running a marathon and I was about to go out for a run, but I was, I don't know if I was making coffee or eating breakfast or doing something in the kitchen. And she looked at me and said, if I didn't know any better, Jilli, I'd think you were pregnant. [00:09:12] Mentioning how I was fairly petite and yet had a little belly and I was already self conscious about my stomach and my body. And in my mind I'm like, oh my gosh, what I've already thought my worst fear is actually true. [00:09:31] I look pregnant and I'm not. [00:09:35] So not only am I actively trying to lose weight, I am training for a marathon trying to lose weight. [00:09:42] And I'm worried and like, self conscious about my body and how I look. And now I'm very much not pregnant and I'm being told I look pregnant. [00:09:52] It's mortifying. [00:09:54] And so of course I'm like, oh my gosh, I've gotta go run like an extra five miles. Like, not just my normal training run, but I need to run extra far today. I really need to work on this. [00:10:05] Okay, that wasn't the right solution, but that's where my brain went because there was a part of me that already felt like my stomach is too big, I look pregnant versus if I didn't believe that whatsoever. And I could be like, silly grandma, what are you talking about? That's ridiculous. [00:10:25] Of course I don't look pregnant. Like, what? I don't look pregnant. [00:10:30] And I'm pretty sure my grandmother saw the look on my face as she was saying that because. And I must have been horrible horrified because I was like, oh my gosh, it's like she knows other people know, they can see it too. [00:10:43] And so it's like embarrassing. But she tried to make it not such a bad thing. And I don't think she meant it as an insult. [00:10:51] I just don't think she was thinking about how it would be received. [00:10:56] And yeah, so anyways, but it bothered me and it like it stuck and it triggered me because I already believed that like I already felt self conscious, I already thought my stomach was too big. I already had thoughts about my body and what was and was not acceptable. [00:11:17] I remember there was a time when my ex and I went to go look at a condo and buying a condo and I had some big concerns about it. It was an older building, it was run down. The HOA every month was like $1,000 every month just to the HOA. It was ridiculous. And so I, I had some big concerns about buying this because also if we were to buy it and that like we would still need money to fix it up and to make it nicer now in the D.C. area, could we have gotten a return on it? I'm sure we could have, but it just seemed really risky because I also knew, okay, we're heading into a bubble. The housing market never always goes up, it will always come back down. I don't like this just didn't seem like a smart move. [00:12:02] And so my ex is bringing up things and all that we could do, but I'm also poking holes, trying to like really be sure. Like, are we sure we want to do this? Have you looked at it from all of these sides? And he was frustrated, I think because I wasn't all on board with his plan. And he made a comment something like, you always make things so difficult. [00:12:24] And that shut me down real quick. [00:12:26] And I didn't realize it until later and processing which was that I, that was something that I felt as a kid was that I make things difficult. I make my parents lives difficult. I am so difficult that my biological dad doesn't even want to be in my life. I just must be such a problem. I am too much and not enough. And I am just, I'm so difficult. [00:12:51] And I think because I was particular about what I liked and what I didn't like. But I'm sure I heard that from my dad, my stepdad growing up. I'm sure I heard that from other people, or if it wasn't said directly, it was just this vibe that I picked up of, I'm a burden, I'm expensive, I make things hard, I make things difficult. Was just like this sense that I picked up. And so when my ex said those words, it. It was painful and it was triggering. Like, it hurt and it stung because there was already a wound there that had already been built. There was already this fear. I make somebody's life difficult, and if I don't want to make their life difficult, I have to just shut up and look pretty. It's this, don't say anything. Don't rock the boat. Just play the right games. Just play in your little box here. Just stay and do the things that we want you to do. Just be this robot. Do what I tell you to do. [00:13:45] And now you're not being difficult. [00:13:48] And yet it would. [00:13:51] Trying to do that would be like me betraying and turning my back on who I am. It's like I have to shut down and turn off everything about me, and I just have to be somebody completely different. [00:14:03] And so this is where the abandonment comes up often, which we'll dive into more in a future week. But it's like I had to abandon. Abandon myself in order to try to please and appease other people. [00:14:17] And there comes a point where we don't want to. Where we can't turn it off. [00:14:22] But noticing how it was such a triggering thought for me, and it really shut me down because there was a fear of, maybe this is true. Maybe I do make life difficult for people. [00:14:34] And if I make life difficult, why would they stick around? [00:14:38] And if they. If I make life difficult and they don't want to stick around and they just leave, that triggers more abandonment and people leaving and people not staying, and more evidence as to how I'm not enough. [00:14:52] Right. So this gets. These are often really deep aspects. So whether it's something where what they say is just triggering our own thought, our own fear, it's triggering something that we've. We experienced in childhood. [00:15:06] Often it's like almost like re. Triggering or opening up old wounds, typically from other narcissistic people that we've had in our lives. [00:15:16] So this plays out in so many different areas, but we can see it in health and weight loss, with habits, with emotional eating. [00:15:25] Right. And so this is just what we want to look at when it comes to why their voice is in our head to begin with, why it feels like it's such a strong, powerful voice, why we've latched onto it and really understanding like this is so much deeper than just having a thought, like a default thought that runs through our head. There's a lot of weight and belief in it. [00:15:49] And so when we look at this aspect of staying stuck, staying in self doubt, keeping like when we keep like when their voice stays in our head and we feel like it's stuck in our head, it's stuck on auto or it's stuck on like replay or on autoplay that will often keep us stuck. [00:16:09] But there's a, there's some safety in staying stuck. [00:16:13] It protects you from negative emotions when we stay stuck, when we can blame other people, it can protect us from our own thoughts and emotions about ourselves. [00:16:22] It can keep you lying to yourself, keeps you in denial, maybe about a real problem. [00:16:27] And I think when we stay stuck, we're ultimately trying to prevent ourselves from feeling shame or any other core wound. But really from shame. And shame I often see and think about as I'm not enough. [00:16:40] And so staying stuck, staying confused, staying in self doubt, while on one hand feels really painful. It feels really hard. [00:16:51] It also is there as this protective mechanism because it also feels painful to potentially bring up shame, to maybe look at what the real problem is to accept the real truth about someone or about a relationship. [00:17:07] And so this is where like it really does become this. We've got to choose our hard, we've got to choose our pain. [00:17:14] It becomes painful to stay stuck and we've got to get to the point where the pain of staying stuck and staying the way we are, staying in the status quo is more painful and it's greater than the scariness, than the fear of changing, of growing, of facing the truth. We have to be willing to face that. And we have to bring so much empathy and compassion and the ability to hold space for all the emotions that are going to come with it. [00:17:42] And shame is a big one that gets triggered and activated. [00:17:47] So getting their voice out of your head, it might be, you are not enough. [00:17:52] You make things so difficult. [00:17:54] You make everyone's life worse. [00:17:57] You are the problem. [00:17:59] You're why everybody else is struggling. Right? It could be something about you or your body. Like, you'll never figure this out. You're always going to be a failure. You, you're nothing without me. I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you. [00:18:14] Like we really want to understand and start to get clear on what are those thoughts, what are those words. [00:18:22] Getting ahead of myself though. So I also wanted to give this example too of let's Say your ex said something like, oh, you would be so pretty if you could just lose 50 pounds. [00:18:32] And sometimes it's like, stuff like that. It's like, not only is it rude, but it stings and it hurts even more when we already believe what they're saying. So we already see. It's like there's already some truth in it from our perspective. It's not just an opinion, there's truth in it, but there's a part of you that is now afraid of putting in the time, money, energy, or even your own belief, right? And like believing in yourself that you can lose weight. Because if you don't, you don't lose the weight. If you can't keep it off, it means that you'll never be enough, you'll never be pretty enough, you'll never be thin enough, you'll never be good enough, you won't be loved and accepted. [00:19:17] And so the doubt that you experience is really just a younger version of you wanting to feel safe, loved, connected, part of the community, right? She wants to feel like she is enough. [00:19:31] And we've been trained in narcissistic relationships that we have to earn and achieve and prove that we are good enough, right? And so the problem here is that one, it's exhausting and two, if we have to earn and achieve it, it means we also can lose it. [00:19:48] So not only am I not enough as I am the way that I am right now, I have to work really hard to prove that I am enough. But then I also have to keep working really hard to stay enough. [00:19:59] So it's so much work, especially when you're afraid of proving them, proving that maybe you aren't enough, proving that they that was the truth. I think that so often that's why we hold ourselves back, we stay in self doubt. It is safer to keep believing their lives and doubting yourself because you don't want to prove them true. [00:20:25] And so this is so much deeper than just trying to eliminate certain thoughts. [00:20:29] This is why we can't just think new thoughts and have it magically swap out the old ones. It's not just, oh, think something better, it's why we can't meditate our way out of it. Or I don't know if I've tried some like energetic cord cutting and it's. That doesn't work when there is trauma involved. [00:20:50] Okay. So the solution, the way that we break free, getting their voice out of your head is a bit of a process. [00:20:57] Number one, you first have to identify the top, I would say three to five thoughts of theirs that feel the most true. [00:21:06] Okay. Now we want to have a lot of love and compassion and understanding that your brain has been looking for evidence to prove those thoughts true. So it's okay that you likely have evidence that it's true. But we then want to go to work finding evidence as to how they are not true. [00:21:24] So we need to narrow down the top three to five thoughts, beliefs, opinions that we were given. Often we were giving them, we were given them as facts, right? We were told them, this is part of what feels so hard, is that the other person is saying it with such conviction and such belief. We don't see it as an opinion. We see it as like God's written word in stone, as if it was one of the ten Commandments. [00:21:48] It's why it can feel so hard to let go of. [00:21:51] Because it. We think of it as like a fact rather than just a thought, rather than just one person's opinion. [00:22:00] So we have to identify what are those thoughts that feel the hardest, the stickiest, the yuckiest things like, you can't, you'll never be able to, you'll never amount to anything. You'll never do anything great with your life. What are the real honest thoughts? [00:22:18] And then we have to go to work to find evidence as to how that's actually not true. We want to start poking holes in all of those shitty thoughts about you because they're not true, they're not fact, they are just opinions. [00:22:36] And when we can start to downgrade it, when we think about it is okay, it's not a fact. We want to downgrade it to just their opinion. [00:22:44] And when we can really look at, okay, this was their opinion, can I let, can I give it back to them? Because right now you're holding onto it. So there's also this level in this aspect of you now. Keep holding on to their thought and it's time to give it back, okay? Because chances are they may not be saying this to you. And for some people listening, like, you might still have this kind of constant barrage of certain narcy people in your life, but when you have cut ties, cut the cord, created some boundaries, usually it's just their thoughts that keep living in your head. [00:23:22] So we want to look at how those now become your thoughts. You've adopted them, it's now yours, and we've got to give it back. We've got to learn to let that go. [00:23:35] And just for the record, like, these opinions were designed to keep you small. They were designed to put you down so that they could feel bigger and better about themselves. [00:23:44] It was so that they could feel like they were enough. [00:23:48] But we've got to give it back. We've got to let, we learn to slowly, it's like we let that go, we've got to prove that's not true. And then we want to find other truth, other evidence as to what is true, what is possible. [00:24:04] And so now that you have your top three to five of the biggest, heaviest thoughts, you can also be on the lookout for how they can show up in day to day life as you are losing weight, as you are achieving new goals. And then this is where we work on potty training. Our brain, this is a key thing I do with clients, is learning how to redirect from old shitty thoughts to new believable and empowering thoughts. [00:24:27] And that's what I see it as, is like we're potty training. If you've ever learned how to like or if you've ever potty trained a child or potty trained a dog, it's like learning how to teach them. Instead of the habit of, oh, I pee in the corner or under the table, or I do this here, no, you pick them up and you lovingly, gently redirect them. Every time the child wants to pee in their pants or on the couch or in their diaper or simply on the floor, it's like you pick them up and you move them. We are very actively redirecting the child, the dog, to where they are supposed to go the bathroom. [00:25:03] We have to be able to do that with our thoughts. And it's not that we have to do that a hundred percent of the day. We can't do that all day, every day. But again, that's why we focus on what are the most impactful thoughts, what are the most, what are the biggest, the heaviest, what's the one? And then we start with one and we start working through one thought at a time. And we redirect, we redirect in a very loving, compassionate way. [00:25:27] So there's a process that I walk clients through, there's a process that we go through on this to truly be able to let go of their voice, their words. [00:25:39] Because you may not be talking to your parent, they may have passed on, you may have broken up, you may be divorced, but their thoughts have become your own. [00:25:51] Their thoughts might still be living in your head as the biggest, loudest, strongest voice. [00:25:57] And now you are the one with the power to turn it off. [00:26:01] And I think this is where often we feel powerless we feel like this is their thought. They gave it to me and I can't do anything with it. It's like they threw this hot potato at me and I just have to sit here and hold it now, even though it's really painful. [00:26:14] And we have to learn that we can let go of that hot potato because you are more than just your thoughts. [00:26:21] And I want to teach you how to feel more powerful and more in control of your thinking so that you can feel self confident, so that you can step into self belief and self trust and that conviction and ultimately to stop letting them win. [00:26:36] We, we have got to be done with that. They have controlled you and your thoughts and your beliefs and your potential and what's possible for you and your life. They've controlled this long enough, no more. [00:26:51] So if you want some help with this, if you are ready to get their voice out of your head once and for all, it's time to come work with me. [00:26:59] And I'm going to help you heal from past trauma so that you can create a life that is so good it blows your mind. [00:27:06] You're going to create the body and the ease around food and you're going to feel in control of cravings and you're going to feel better physically, but you are going to feel so much better mentally and emotionally to lose the mental and emotional weight that comes with chronic dieting and emotional eating and binge eating and narcissistic relationships. [00:27:27] When we learn to lose that now we can step into more of what we want in every part of life. [00:27:34] So you can have a career that you actually love and enjoy showing up to every day. So you can create and attract a spouse partner where you feel safe, loved, connected, adored. [00:27:47] Where you have hobbies and you spend, you actually have free time and you can spend that time doing things you actually enjoy. Where you can say yes to you and yourself and what you want. To even be able to figure out what is it that I even want? [00:28:01] And to say no to the things and the people who rob you of that joy. [00:28:06] It's time to come work with me. It's time to heal once and for all, internally and externally. [00:28:14] And I'm going to help you to love yourself now and all the way down the scale. [00:28:21] So if you would like to learn more about what it would look like to come work with me, the next best step is to schedule a free consultation and you can visit www.bodyyoucrave.com schedule and find a date and time on my calendar. And we're going to Talk through, like, where are you? What's going on? What are those strong thoughts? [00:28:41] Why does it feel so hard to let go of them? How is it impacting your career, your relationships, your parenting, your weight loss journey? [00:28:50] Because I guarantee it is impacting a lot more than we realize. [00:28:55] And it's more than just, oh, think happy thoughts or trying to think these better things. [00:29:02] It is a process, but it is one that you can navigate. It's one that you can get through. But you've got to take back your power. [00:29:10] You've got to stop giving it away to other people. [00:29:14] You felt powerless in these relationships and in that dynamic for so long. It is time that you step into your power now. And sometimes that's going to feel a little scary, but you can do this. [00:29:29] There's a great quote, I'm totally going to butcher it, but there's a quote that's we're not necessarily afraid of failing or afraid that we can't. It's like we're afraid that we are powerful beyond measure. [00:29:42] We are afraid that maybe we could succeed beyond our wildest dreams. [00:29:48] And after narcissistic relationships that will feel really scary. [00:29:52] Success will feel scary because your success has always threatened the narc in your life, which doesn't always make sense. It's part of why it's been so confusing. [00:30:06] But it, once we understand it and we can see things from that light, it's, oh, that's why this happened. [00:30:13] And then you also can feel validated too, of, oh yeah, I always thought my mom was jealous of me or I always thought my dad was threatened by me or oh, I can see why this makes so much sense now. It's like it, it all starts to click. [00:30:30] And that helps build our self trust and our intuition. [00:30:37] Right? And so hold space for the parts of you that want to get rid of this voice and also maybe are a little afraid of how powerful you really are, are afraid of what you might create, are so used to playing small and dimming your light and holding back, trying to please and keep everyone else around you happy. [00:31:02] I recently joined a mastermind and I had thought about it because she had mentioned the organizer, had mentioned it about a month or so ago, maybe a little over a month. And I first heard and I was like, oh my gosh, that sounds amazing. And then I was like, ah, no, not this year, maybe next year. [00:31:18] And I first heard about this mastermind in 2019 and it's gone on and off my bucket list. It was something that I wanted to do for a while. And then I didn't and then came back onto my radar and I was like, oh, that would be really cool. But maybe next year it was this kind of, I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm not there yet. I've got more work to do. [00:31:38] And I realized that really the only reason I wouldn't join this year would be because I was sitting in self doubt. [00:31:48] I was going to let my ex's voice be the loudest voice in my head. [00:31:53] I was going to play into the thoughts that I don't make good money decisions. I'm never going to amount to much. [00:32:00] It's not possible. [00:32:03] And I decided I didn't want that to be the case. [00:32:07] I also decided that one of the key reasons why I wouldn't join would be if I just thought it was going to be a waste. I wouldn't create the result, I'd spend the money. I would waste the money essentially, and I wouldn't get the results I wanted. I wouldn't get the return I was looking for. [00:32:25] And that's a really shitty reason. I did not like that reason. So this is one of the things that I, when I talk with clients about decision making is do you like your reasons? What are your reasons for a decision? [00:32:36] Do you like them? [00:32:38] And I knew for me by not joining and by, and this was an application process by not, by even not applying, right? Because I was pretty sure that if I applied I would get in. [00:32:50] But it was like, but by not applying it was like I would rather not join because I was afraid and I was letting that self doubt win. [00:33:01] It's. I'm not even gonna join. I'm not gonna put myself out there because I'm afraid I'm not gonna create this result. [00:33:07] And when I realized that and I realized that self doubt was running the show, that Fear was running the show, that my ex's voice was running the show, that my, my dad's voice to some extent was running the show. [00:33:21] When I realized that, I also decided I don't like those reasons for not joining. [00:33:30] And so I applied and I got in and I joined. And it's exciting and it's terrifying and it is all the things. [00:33:39] And I know that this, this process and a core thing that I'm going to be working on over the next year for myself is to continue to grow and evolve my self concept, to continue to grow what I see as possible for myself to continue to find the lingering Narci voices that are in my head that have become my voice and to let those go, to truly change those thoughts and to be able to catch them faster when they come in and to decrease how often they come in and to not be caught off guard and to not be surprised when I do catch them, when I do notice them, and to lovingly potty train my own brain and to trust that I can create new things. I can create this big, bold, amazing life that I can take up space and that I have a message to share that is going to transform the lives of thousands of people. [00:34:42] And it feels a little scary, feels a little vulnerable because I'm betting on myself and I'm going to have my back the entire way because I know there are going to be mistakes and there's going to be some failure and there are going to be results that I create that I'm not going to love. And I am committed to learning from them. I am committed to not throwing myself under the bus. [00:35:05] This so much of this, whether it's business or weight loss or emotional eating or dating, so much of this journey in this post narc life is an. It's an act of self love. It's learning to love yourself deeper and deeper. It's learning to trust yourself deeper and deeper. And it's learning to cultivate and create confidence on a level that you've never experienced before. [00:35:33] Because that's one of the challenges in these narci relationships and these dynamics is how much it degrades your self trust and your self worth and your self confidence. [00:35:45] Self doubt plays such a big role. This is why it is one of the core four wounds. [00:35:52] And so many people have likely used that against you to the point that you use it against yourself now. [00:36:01] And it's time to stop. And it starts with you. [00:36:04] We can't control what people told us in the past. We can't control what people tell us now or in the future moving forward. [00:36:11] But you can control who you let in your life. You can control what you tell yourself now. [00:36:17] And we're now going to take ownership of all the thoughts. [00:36:20] We're no longer going to blame other people and we are now going to own it. We're going to own all of the fear, all of the self doubt, all of the hesitation. [00:36:30] And we're going to choose not to let that hold us back. [00:36:33] We're going to choose to move forward. [00:36:35] And you can do this too. This is so much more than just food or body image or weight loss or emotional eating. This is a reclaiming and redefining who you are as a person As a woman, as a man, who you want to be, and giving yourself the permission to create a life on purpose of intention, to create the life that you truly crave. [00:37:02] You can do this. [00:37:04] If you want some help, I would love to help you. Because I promise, and I guarantee it is so much easier when we have somebody on the outside who can help show us our thoughts and what's really coming up. [00:37:16] Because everything that we are part of, like what we're doing right now, it's so deeply ingrained, it just runs on autopilot. It runs on habit. [00:37:25] But I promise, if it's a habit that you learned, it's a habit you can unlearn. [00:37:30] But we need an outside voice and the outside perspective to help us see what is truly there to unlearn, to break free from. And I want you to imagine waking up every morning feeling unstoppable. [00:37:44] That can be your life. That can be your reality. [00:37:48] Now. Ready? [00:37:50] Let's go. This is the perfect time to do it. This is the perfect time to get started, and I would love to help you. [00:37:58] All right, y' all have a fabulous week. And just a heads up if you missed last week's workshop, the replay went out to those who signed up for it. And I also going to host another one, I believe on July 2nd is my plan right now. So Wednesday, July 2nd, in the evening, I'm going to host another workshop. So that is actually two weeks away, so be on the lookout for that. You'll be able to register and sign up for that again. If you can't make it live, there will be a replay available. But I know so many people work and have obligations during the weekday, and so I'm going to make it on the weekend or on the a weeknight. And then for late July, early August, I will host a workshop on the weekend. So just working and trying to accommodate, you know, a variety of different schedules and what we have going on. But this is really important because this takes what we're talking about and what we're going to be going over this summer is going to be really diving deeper into how to heal from trauma and these narcissistic relationships and how it has impacted you, what these steps are, what it looks like. And then the workshop is really tying this into the weight loss, specifically emotional eating, specifically, really bringing these together. [00:39:10] I hope you can join me until then. I will see y' all next week. Here's to creating the life and body you crave. [00:39:22] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good. [00:39:42] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyyoucrave.com BTC. [00:39:57] It's time to Break the cycle. I'll show you.