[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally, break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go.
[00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back. And welcome to the spring reset.
[00:00:29] So I am calling this right on track, because so often we can feel behind, even at the beginning of the year, even when the year has barely just begun, we can still feel like we are so far behind because January and February didn't turn out the way we expected or the way we hoped. And so, for many, January was survival. And now the spring gets to be our activation. So if you're ready to lose weight, stop emotionally eating, heal from past trauma, and build real momentum without putting your life on hold, then this is your reset.
[00:01:02] So 2025 was the year of the snake, and the energetic new year actually doesn't shift until the spring equinox, March 21.
[00:01:11] So this means that many of us were still shedding old habits, old patterns, systems of belief, or emotional patterns throughout the first couple months of this year. So. So we brought some of the energy of last year into this year. Okay. Doesn't have to be a problem, right? Like, I think this is one of the best thoughts that I have adopted is like, this is not a problem because we ultimately, we are right on track. This is always happening for us. And this is a really powerful belief that you get to adopt, and I encourage you to adopt this thought of, I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm right on track. What's for me, can't miss me. And this just reassures and, like, I think this helps to bring a little patience to the process. It helps us to break out of impatience and to really allow ourselves to enjoy the journey more, even if it's not exactly what we expected.
[00:02:00] Because that can be a really painful thought. It can create a lot of extra suffering if we let it. But we can also acknowledge, I'm not where I thought I would be, or this isn't what I was expecting or where I was expecting to be in life right now.
[00:02:15] So what am I gonna do about it? Rather than letting this make you a victim or falling into this habit of, like, life just happens to me, and this isn't what I want, and just kind of letting your brain have a tantrum, we can now use it from this place of, like, resetting our emotions and then deciding, okay, so now what? Now what do I wanna do about it, but it's really hard to do that and to have that energetic shift if we're feeling depressed or anxious or still really in survival mode. No worries on how this year started. The key question is always, all right, well, how do you want to keep it going? How do you want to finish it?
[00:02:52] So we want to look at this lens through the energetics on a macro level, what is happening big picture wise, but we can also look at it in the micro level, specifically with your nervous system, your emotional capacity, your ability to self regulate, to pursue new habits, to tell yourself a new story.
[00:03:12] Survival mode is going to kill our consistency because our brains are seeking safety, safety on so many levels. That's what it's after. It wants to keep you alive by keeping you safe. And safe is going to be whatever feels familiar, right? And so anytime we feel overwhelmed or we get frustrated or we feel like we're not far enough along or we need to hurry up and get there, we fall back into old patterns, old programming and that. Typically, especially around food and weight loss, it has us in the restrict, binge, regret, repeat cycle, right? And it's often restrict, binge regret and then we repeat, but this time harder, this time I'm going to run more and keto harder and do it bigger, restrict more. It's just this go big mentality that we have of like, okay, what we were doing wasn't working or maybe it was working for a time and now to keep it working, I have to do even more, even harder, even stricter, eat even less. We just end up perpetuating the problem, perpetuating the diet trauma. And so in order to break free, we have to really create a sense of safety with what we're doing. Safety around food safety and weight loss. And just like I talked about previously, around like the physical safety, the emotional safety of like really understanding from a subconscious level why it's not safe to lose weight or why it may not feel safe to pursue certain habits or to do certain things.
[00:04:37] And the more that we can find the small, simple 1% steps that get us out of our comfort zone in a very small way, the more that we can build consistency. But we can't do that when we're in survival mode. We can't keep adding on or even thinking about adding, adding on new habits or expanding 1% that becomes so overwhelming to our capacity, our energy, when we are in survival mode still. And so we really want to understand why we're there and how to shift out of that. And this is Something I'm going to talk more about in future weeks. But we might need a little extra help. We may need a little more intervention beyond just somatic tools and mindset work and thought work. For some people, that's enough to get them where they need to go. But for other people who have been through extensive, prolonged amounts of trauma, you may need more medical intervention. This is where we really just want to have a lot of understanding and compassion for ourselves and recognize I may not be able to do it on my own, I may not be able to do it in and of myself. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with me if I need a little extra help or extra support, or if my body needs that extra support in getting out of survival, truly being able to get to a place of grounded calm and not feeling so dysregulated all the time.
[00:05:57] Now, if you were feeling dysregulated, if you were in survival mode or depressed or highly anxious in January, maybe February, this is not you being lazy. This is not a failure. Your body was just trying to protect you, your brain was just trying to protect you. And when we can see that now from that lens and through this lens of self protection, we can bring in more self love and compassion and recognize that that was part of our journey, it was part of the process and it was there to teach you something.
[00:06:27] And now we get to go to work to explore and figure out, okay, what was the lesson? What was this here for me to learn? What was the lesson that I needed to glimmer or to glean from this experience?
[00:06:39] Because it's all happening for you, it doesn't always make sense in the moment. Sometimes we can only connect the dots looking back, but it will all be working for you. But this is often a mindset shift that we have to choose as well. We want to create more awareness around self abandonment because we have been so trained to abandon ourselves in the hopes of trying to get somebody else not to abandon us. We are so used to self abandoning, especially in past relationships, because it's how we stayed safe. It's what you learned as a kid, and so it's what you did in your marriage.
[00:07:13] The problem is that even now, out of the marriage, being divorced, being separated, you can still fall into these patterns. The relationship dynamic may have changed, but you still are self abandoning. And so there are a couple key questions and key areas that we can look at and explore to see where might this still be coming up for you?
[00:07:34] So number one, where do you override your needs, your wants, or your desires.
[00:07:41] And it's really easy for us to override wants and desires, but so many of us also override our own needs, like our own basic needs of sleep and water and movement.
[00:07:51] So where do you override that? What does it look like? What does it sound like? How do you justify it? Because that's always what's happening, is somehow we are justifying overriding that need or overriding that desire.
[00:08:04] Number two, where do you over commit and say yes when you really want to say no?
[00:08:09] And often this revolves around getting people to like us, making sure they think good of us, that they don't hate us, that they aren't disappointed with us, that we aren't, quote, causing them some kind of negative emotion.
[00:08:21] So we over commit and we over function. We take responsibility where there's really none for us to take. So we want to look at where does that come up?
[00:08:30] Where is it continuing to come up? Because again, this is a pattern that has been here for years and years, decades and decades. It's going to take some time to unwind awareness of knowing this is not a problem. If it still comes up, it's there to help us learn from.
[00:08:46] Number three, where do you punish yourself? Or similarly, where do you withhold praise, validation or good things from yourself?
[00:08:55] So this is where you might say no when you really want to say yes. Because it feels selfish, it feels self indulgent, it feels like too much. It feels like, well, you haven't earned it. It feels like, who are you to be doing nice things for yourself when you're overweight or when you're doing this, quote, bad thing, Right? Like we moralize ourselves so much based on the scale and how much we weigh and our body composition versus recognizing. I can do nice things and I can say nice things and believe nice things about myself, regardless of my size. Trying to hate myself. Skinny does not work. Trust me, y', all, I tried it. It did not work. It just created a worse relationship for myself.
[00:09:35] And then we can look at where do you quit on yourself again? A lot of love, a lot of compassion. We can look at the big Q quits. Like the big I'm not doing this anymore.
[00:09:45] We can also look at the little Q quits, the subtle quitting, the short term quitting. Screw it, I'll start over tomorrow. Screw it, I've blown it this weekend, but I'll try again on Monday. The subtle abandoning of our goals and our desires. And again, if we can see this also from the lens of your brain, is always trying to keep you safe. That's all that's ever happening. In order to rewire these patterns, we have to rewire our brain. We have to rewire our thought process and rewire the ability to regulate our nervous system. Because it's normal that if your initial thought is I'm going to let them down, they'll be angry at me or they're going to blame me. That our body will then feel dysregulated. Your heart might race, your stomach might twirl, your chest may tighten right where you're going to feel physical sensations. Because we are afraid, because we don't want to let somebody down. We don't want to cause a negative response in them or, or create a negative response in them.
[00:10:45] And so it's normal that that physiological response is going to be there. It's like the default programming.
[00:10:51] But we have to learn how to self soothe without just indulging it. We learn how to self regulate as we're telling ourselves a new story.
[00:11:00] That's how we create true healing. That's how we move forward in a healthy way. It's not just like, oh, I wake up and magically I flipped a switch and now everything is amazing and daisies and rainbows.
[00:11:11] It takes time. It's more of like a dimmer light switch right where it's like you slowly raise the light. We're not turning it off and on a hundred percent. We're going like 5% at a time, 10% at a time. Maybe sometimes it's 1% up, but we are slowly raising it up to a hundred percent to where we feel more in line, more authentic, more of who we really are. And we have so much love and self trust and knowing we're not going anywhere. We are not going to abandon ourselves now.
[00:11:41] So since this is a reset and this is a great time to start thinking about, okay, what do I want to believe? Who do I want to be? What do I want to create? Like, how do I want to feel this year? What are the things that I want to achieve? Because there's the goals and there's what we want to achieve, but there's also how do I want to feel in pursuit of the. Achieving that is huge.
[00:12:03] So a couple things to get you started and to think about.
[00:12:06] I always like to break bigger time blocks into smaller ones. So having a 90 day interval is great. We have three of those left. So starting April 1st, we're going to start a new 90 day interval. It does not have to be a sprint. It can Just be a focused period of time where we want to be intentional.
[00:12:25] So what do you want to achieve or create in the next 90 days?
[00:12:28] And this is where I want to offer a concept that has been really helpful, which is less but better, Less but more aligned, less but more intentional.
[00:12:38] Right. So it's not that we have to keep trying to do more. Sometimes it's we do less, but it's better quality.
[00:12:46] So less quantity, better quality.
[00:12:50] And I want you to give yourself one or two things. We don't want to overwhelm ourselves. So often it's easy to go in and have a list of like a dozen things we want to achieve in the next 90 days, but really focus on what are the top one or two things that you want to focus on over the next three months and how do you want to feel in pursuit of that goal?
[00:13:09] How do you want to feel at the end?
[00:13:12] Most of us are pursuing goals because of how we're going to feel once we've achieved them and what we expect to feel. So if you expect to feel proud and successful and confident, your job is to start feeling that now, today, as you are starting the process, not waiting until the finish line to feel that way.
[00:13:32] This is where it can get a little hard. Like this is where I come in with coaching as well, with a lot of clients and really helping them to understand how to embrace and become more of the person who has those results and become that person now. It's who we are being.
[00:13:48] That's really what goals are here to show us who do we want to become.
[00:13:52] And that's the gift. It's not just the goal and the end result. It's who I become on the way to achieving that goal.
[00:13:58] Because you have to become somebody who knows that you can also maintain it, you can replicate it, you can keep going. It's not burning you out.
[00:14:06] And that's why we can't just be sprinting. This can't be a three month sprint all out. We also need to think of this as a marathon. And that's often what weight loss and healing and emotional eating and regulation looks like. The more that we work to address these topics, the more we really want to give ourselves a longer Runway and learning to love yourself, love your life, love your body now, love you for who you are, love yourself now as you are in the process of changing different aspects, changing your job, changing your career, maybe starting to date, going through different parenting phases and as your kids get older, changing your body, changing your habits.
[00:14:45] But we still love what is Right now, as you look at the next 90 days, you can also identify, what am I no longer carrying? What are the thoughts or beliefs that you are going to let go of, that you are going to surrender?
[00:14:58] What are the habits that you want to let go of?
[00:15:02] The emotions?
[00:15:04] What are we no longer carrying?
[00:15:06] What are we ready to let go of? And then what help or support do you need to achieve your goal?
[00:15:12] Because we are all prone to thinking I should be able to do this on my own. That is one of the biggest challenges, is recognizing and not feeling shame. Because we want help. We want support. Maybe we need help, we need some support. Maybe our bodies truly need some medical intervention to help us regulate our systems.
[00:15:32] This is not a problem.
[00:15:34] But we have to be willing to ask for help, to pursue help and support and let go of this false notion of I should be able to do it on my own.
[00:15:43] This is where we can hold on to extra shame, extra self doubt, but nothing is wrong with you.
[00:15:50] Last year, as I was rebranding the podcast and I was taking it from body you crave and transitioning to hungry for love, I gave myself 90 days. It was three months. I started working with a former coach of mine, joined a mini mastermind, and I was like, awesome. This is perfect for me. This was everything that I was looking for and getting some extra support, some guidance in making this transition.
[00:16:12] And I knew I could totally do this within three months and having that helper support would ensure that I would do it. Because I had picked back up the podcast six or seven months prior. And I was like, you know what, I can't worry about a rebrand. I just need to get back into podcasting and sharing this message again. And so with the rebrand, I was like, all right, I need some support. I want some accountability. I want somebody to help and to ask questions. That way I'm not swirling in my own self doubt or confusion or overcomplicating things.
[00:16:41] And I ended up doing it in three weeks. That was the coolest part of all. I didn't even set the timeline to be that quick, but because I was allowing myself to take three months, I ended up shortening that and doing it in three weeks.
[00:16:54] That was amazing. And then for the rest of the time, because I committed to working with her for three months, I was like, sweet, I've now got over two months that I now get to go on to do other things really helped show me the power of working with a mentor and having the guidance, having the support there.
[00:17:11] But it's our Willingness to go slow. That will ultimately speed you up.
[00:17:17] I also decided that I was not going to swirl an indecision. I was going to make decisions quickly and I was going to implement quickly. I was going to take action quickly and there would be times where I had to decide, this is good enough. I got it to 85%. This is good enough. Let's go. And recognize it was not going to serve me to try to keep writing and rewriting and re recording all of these different pieces instead of trying to get it right and perfect the first time around. I went into it knowing I'm probably gonna have to update this in a year and that's okay. This is not a problem.
[00:17:51] This is the best phrase I think you can hold on to is this is not a problem. This divorce, my body, my weight loss journey, this relationship dynamic, my singleness. Like whatever it is, this is not a problem.
[00:18:06] I will figure it out. I can figure it out. I have the capacity, I believe I am the person who can figure this out. Right? Like this is how we want to be talking to ourselves.
[00:18:17] And then the last thing I'll leave you with here is to pick a word for the spring.
[00:18:22] I love this word of activation, but maybe there's something else that resonates for you.
[00:18:27] So what is your word for the spring for these next few months?
[00:18:32] And give yourself permission to now start taking action, to start pursuing it.
[00:18:38] And for some, it's like we've been swirling. We've had this on our mind for a while. Maybe the first step is getting support and finding somebody to get support with as you pursue a particular goal.
[00:18:49] If you would like to work with me over the next three to six months. So starting April 1, I have four spots coming open for private coaching and I'm going to help you to build consistency without burnout, to regulate your nervous system while still taking action and finding those 1% improvements.
[00:19:08] Ending emotional eating and binge eating cycles.
[00:19:12] Breaking the habit of self abandonment and replacing it with self trust and self love and self belief.
[00:19:20] Building your courage, muscle and really creating true momentum.
[00:19:26] This is possible for you. This is what I do with clients all the time, every day. And sometimes we're more focused on food, weight loss, emotional eating, some of these habits like breaking down a binge and decoding it. Other times we're getting to these root layers around food and worthiness and what you think you deserve.
[00:19:46] And then other times we're really working on our sense of self worth as a whole, allowing ourselves to feel emotions, to feel the grief and the heartache, the pain, the hurt, the agony that we felt in dysfunctional relationships or maybe with a parent who couldn't fully love you the way that you needed to be loved and appreciated and valued and adored.
[00:20:08] And it's learning how to do that for yourself now. And that's why working with me is one of the best steps you can take. Because nothing is ever off limits.
[00:20:18] Bringing these aspects together, the emotional eating, healing from emotional abuse, the weight loss, healing from diet trauma, all of these pieces together will help you to create the life and body you crave.
[00:20:31] So if you'd like to explore this more, your next best step is to schedule a free consultation. You can schedule your
[email protected] schedule find a day and time on my calendar and let's chat more. And this is where it's all about finding the right fit for you and exploring the right avenue, the right path. But you get to decide now is the right time, this is the best time. And let that be true. There's no right decision. There is only the decision that I choose to make right. And that's exactly what we're going to do here. Because clarity comes from taking action. But you've got to get started and I'd love to help you on that journey if that's the type of support you're looking for.
[00:21:14] All right y', all, that is it for today. I will see y' all next time. Here's to creating the life and body you crave.
[00:21:25] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step, book your free Break the cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good.
[00:21:45] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyyoucrave.com VTC.
[00:22:00] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you how.
