164 - Enjoying Your Weight Loss Journey

Episode 164 October 06, 2025 00:39:45
164 - Enjoying Your Weight Loss Journey
Hungry for Love: Lose Weight After Toxic Relationships
164 - Enjoying Your Weight Loss Journey

Oct 06 2025 | 00:39:45

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Show Notes

Now I know “enjoyable” is NOT a word often associated with weight loss. 

Neither is fun, simple, easy, relaxed. 

Part of it is because 99% of diets are super restrictive. You have to “miss out” on food, drinks AND events. 

But the other issue is that we’re in such a hurry to get “there,” because we typically withhold praise, validation, and feeling good about ourselves until we do. 

No compliments, no feeling proud of yourself; just constant criticism until you've lost all the weight. 

This is what makes weight loss hard. 

This is what makes weight loss suck. 

But there’s a better way. 

Keep listening for more on the secret to actually speeding up your weight loss journey. 

 

And when you’re ready to go all in on yourself, end emotional eating, lose weight, and create a life that lights you the f**k up… 

I’ll show you how. 

Schedule your free consultation at www.bodyyoucrave.com/schedule.

 

Still looking for a resource that actually helps you decode your emotional eating habit? Download your free guide here: https://download.bodyyoucrave.com/feelings-wheel-sign-up

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Episode Transcript

[00:00:02] Ready to lose 40 plus pounds without giving up happy hours, weekend brunches, or date nights. Then it's time to uncover the hidden link between binge eating and toxic relationships. And finally break free from both. Welcome to the Hungry for Love podcast with Jillian Scott. Y' all ready? Let's go. [00:00:24] Hey. Hey. Welcome back. [00:00:26] All right, so just a warning to those of you listening with kids around, or maybe on speakerphone, you may want to put on headphones for this because there's a little bit of adult language. All right, I love Jesus, but sometimes I cuss. And I have been feeling really feisty and spicy today, which I do mention, but sometimes I forget to put it at the beginning of the episode to warn everybody. So I'm starting to wonder if this is impacted by my cycle and what phase I'm in. And I'm like, I'm about to start tracking this because every now and then, right, I get a little extra feisty and spicy on the podcast, and I'm like, I think I'm noticing some trends here. [00:01:07] So, anyways, today is a great episode. You don't want to miss out, but just know there are some cuss words here and there. More towards the middle and second half of the episode. So just a warning, headphones, or listen to it on a low volume or, you know, if you're by yourself, get on with it. You got this. All right, let's dive in. Hey. Hey. Welcome back. All right, so today we are going to talk specifically about this concept of enjoying your weight loss journey. And this is something that I feel like gets woven into a lot of other episodes. I was actually really surprised that I had not talked about it or that this had not been its own standalone specific episode yet, because I feel like I have said this many, many times before, but I think what happens is this concept just gets woven into many other topics, other workshops, other things that I've done in the past. And so I want to really highlight this because this becomes so key during the holidays and as we head into the holidays, really looking at enjoying the season, enjoying your weight loss, enjoying your life, and how these all interconnect. They're all interrelated, and now being able to really step into that fullness and vibrancy and joy that can come with it. And I recognize that joy and enjoyment or even pleasure are not typically associated with weight loss. Right. Neither is fun, simple, easy, relaxed, doable. Right? Like, these are typically not words that we would put in the same sentence as weight loss and be serious about it and be intentional about it, and that's okay. This is where we want to really expand and open up how we think about and how we see this journey. Because most people, even the ones who are wanting to make it simple, wanting to make it easy, there is this sense of dread. It's going to be hard. I'm going to have to give up things. And again, it's not just, I have to give up the food. It's I have to give up living my life and enjoying my life. So I have to give up going out to eat. I have to give up the travel. I have to give up or I feel awkward because everybody's at my house at the pool, and now I don't get to eat or I'm not going to be drinking, or somehow I'm missing out. That is such a core, fundamental piece of weight loss that no matter what time of year it is, it's I'm going to be missing out. And so it's a lot easier to be missing out when everybody else is missing out in January and everybody's at the gym and going to 5am class. But when February rolls around and March and then for sure, by the time we get into the summer now we feel like we are the only ones having to miss out. And nobody wants to do that. And especially not towards the end of the year when there can be parties and cookies and drinks and it's fun and we get these special flavors and it's only for a limited time. And there's all of these marketing aspects that go along with it. [00:03:53] I was actually talking with somebody about how I like Thanksgiving food. And I used to make a Thanksgiving dinner in July. [00:03:59] I like the food. I would make it in June or July. I would make it part of the way through the year because I was like, why not let me get an extra turkey on sale after Thanksgiving? And I can make stuffing and mashed potatoes and green bean casserole and maybe make my own pumpkin pie, maybe buy one, maybe order one. And I'm totally fine. Like, I'm very happy. It doesn't have to be this oh, I only get this once a year kind of thing, but let's bring it back, right? So why is it not typically enjoyable? Why is weight loss often thought of this uphill slog in the mud in stilettos? And it's because 99% of diets are so restrictive. They're just overly restrictive. They don't fit your lifestyle whatsoever. You have to give up all the food that tastes good, all the food that is easy and convenient. All the food that is quick, the foods that you know, the foods that you're familiar with, you are supposed to do this big massive overhaul. And by doing so, you throw yourselves out of your comfort zone. [00:04:57] And we end up in this scared shitless zone way off yonder. And instead of looking at where is our growth zone, and your growth zone is one to two steps outside your comfort zone. It looks like 1 to 2% better. It looks like instead of ordering a large fry at McDonald's or chick fil a or wherever you're at or Wendy's, instead of ordering a large, you order a small. And then maybe you order grilled chicken instead of fried chicken, or maybe you order one patty instead of two, or maybe sometimes you order a side salad or a fruit cup to go with that small fry, or maybe you split a fry with your kid. Those are the small, simple level ups. Because nobody wants to live in a world without chick fil a or pizza or steak or wine or pasta. I don't. [00:05:45] I want to be able to live in a world where that is all free and where I have peace and comfort and a sense of control, a sense of confidence and ease around food, where I know that I can control myself, where I know that I can have a couple and be satisfied. There are steps to being able to do this. There's the theory of it and then there's the practical implementation. [00:06:08] You can know the theory and still struggle with the implementation. And that's okay. That does not need to be a problem. Stop making yourself wrong and such a problem because you don't know how to implement just yet. [00:06:19] That comes with practice. That comes often with a leader, with some type of community, a coach, a therapist, somebody to help guide you along the way. If you knew how to do this already, you would be doing it. If you knew how to implement it and this was like fully embodied into your being and it's just how you showed up in the world. You would be doing it already. But right now it is conflicting and competing with other desires, other needs that your habit brain is telling you are going to keep you safe and keep you alive. [00:06:48] That's what this comes down to. It's not about being lazy. And this is where I have some strong disagreements. You are not lazy. You might be traumatized. [00:06:58] You don't have a problem with self discipline or willpower. You likely have diet trauma. [00:07:03] And let's be real, most of us also have a lot of relationship trauma too. [00:07:08] Okay, so let me bring this back though. I went off on a little rant there. [00:07:13] Let's bring this back though, to enjoying your weight loss journey and why this is so important, why this is so key. 99% of diets are super restrictive. They either are cutting drastically the quality or the quantity of your food. They're either drastically cutting back on calories, macros, carbs, fat, something, right? You feel like you are missing out on food and drinks and events. You have to miss out on your life and that feels hard. You feel like it takes all this extra time and effort and energy to do it. [00:07:45] It doesn't feel fun. Like the way you are thinking about it does not create an experience of it being fun. Because it feels so hard. Because it's not just giving up eating out, it's giving up that date night. It's giving up the happy hour, it's giving up brunch with the girls on Saturday morning. It's giving up the experience, the fun, the laughter. It's not just about the food. [00:08:05] It's about us trying to avoid the food. And so we end up avoiding and shutting down parts of our life. [00:08:12] I think the other piece here as to why it's also not fun or enjoyable is because we are in such a hurry to get there. [00:08:21] We have to get there. We have to have the weight loss before we can feel the way we want to feel. And we get it backwards in our mind, it's have, do, be. When I have the weight loss, then I can do the things, do the habits, do the protocol and do it perfectly. [00:08:40] And then I can be happy. Once I've lost the weight, once I've done the weight loss and I've lost all that weight, then I can be happy, then I can feel proud, then I can feel confident, then I can feel sexy, then I can feel good in my own body, then I can feel beautiful. [00:08:56] But I have to lose the weight first. And until then, it's like no feeling good, no feeling proud, no feeling accomplished, no complimenting yourself. Don't get too cocky, don't get your hopes up, hold back, don't get too full of yourself. What happens if you don't lose the weight? Your brain just likes to run amok. And we let our brains run the show and manage us versus we manage our brains. [00:09:18] And because we are in such a hurry of I have to hurry up and get there because there I get to feel good about myself there I get to think good things, but I don't get to do that now. So I have to do it. I have to hurry up and get there, because this sucks. Life right now in this body, with these thoughts, with these emotions. This is too much. This sucks. This is terrible. I have to hurry up and get there. I remember talking with somebody a couple years ago and I was asking her why she didn't love her body now and, like, why she felt like she couldn't and how, like, what her response was when I told her, what if. What if I told you we were gonna. I was gonna teach you how to love your body now? And all the way down the scale, and she was like, oh, no, but I can't. [00:09:59] No, I can't. I can't possibly love my body now. There was just such an aversion, there was such a repulsion with her own body right now. It was like, this is so completely unacceptable. Never can I ever love me now. [00:10:15] And because she couldn't love herself, she couldn't love her body. [00:10:18] And anything that she was going to try to do to change her body was now going to be done from a place of not enough repulsion, disgust, disappointment, dissatisfaction, and often punishment. We end up creating a very punitive relationship with ourselves and with our bodies because of how we're thinking about it, because of the media, because of past diets and diet trauma. Like, there are a lot of factors that go into this. [00:10:45] That's part of why we can't enjoy weight loss and this journey is because we have made it to where it's like this. Who I am and how I am in this body, in this world right now is not enough. It is flawed. Something is wrong with me fundamentally. I can't love myself now. I can only do it once I've lost the weight. So it's like, I can't be happy, I can't feel the way that I want to feel until I've lost the weight. Of course we're going to be in a hurry to get there. Of course we're going to try to do the extreme things to get extreme results, right? We want to eat as little as humanly possible for as many days as possible, lose as much weight as possible, and then maybe you'll get close enough to feeling good about yourself. That is our flawed logic. [00:11:26] Of course you can't enjoy weight loss when you're taking away all your favorite foods, all your favorite coping mechanisms. [00:11:33] When you're taking away all the events and the activities and the special occasions and all the ways that you would enjoy life. When you take that away, you can't enjoy your weight loss, right? This becomes the problem. You have to Learn how to enjoy your life while losing weight. [00:11:50] And this is a huge distinction. I want to help you create the life and body you crave, because it won't mean if you have a body that you love, yet you hate your life, it's not going to do you a damn bit of good. I don't know what's going on, y'. All. I am feeling super spicy today. So we are just going to keep going with it. But it has everything to do with how you think and talk to yourself. So if you have a life where you hate it, where you hate your work, you hate your job, you hate your spouse, or you hate your ex, and you are struggling in all of these areas, just creating the body is not going to do you any good. [00:12:26] And you will always regain the weight because you haven't changed how you think and feel and talk to yourself. [00:12:33] You haven't changed how you cope with negative emotions, how you cope with stress, how you cope with irritation, how you cope with setbacks. [00:12:41] And that becomes huge because so often you are going to hit a plateau, whether you're a couple weeks in, maybe even a couple months in, and the scale's going to stay the same for two, three, maybe even four weeks. [00:12:54] And how you talk to yourself, how you show up for yourself in those moments will determine whether or not you keep losing weight, or you say it and you throw in the towel, throw away the last couple of weeks, however long you've been at this, and you just regain the weight. Because you get so frustrated and so down on yourself because you are so attached to the timeline and how you should be losing a certain amount of weight every single week. [00:13:18] I know you have your spreadsheet. I know you have your tracker. I know you have that graph. And we get this hit of dopamine, right? We do, because we look at this graph and we look at this chart, and we're like, oh, my gosh, if I lost two pounds, three pounds a week, whatever your number is, you're like, man, if I lost this weight, if I lost three pounds a week for the next eight weeks, then I could lose all this weight, and then I could feel good about myself. [00:13:42] And then when it doesn't match, when real life doesn't match up to your vision, your expectation, you get real frustrated. It's what I call the frustration gap. [00:13:52] Reality versus your expectation. [00:13:56] The bigger the gap, the bigger the frustration. [00:13:59] And when you have a bigger frustration, you are more likely to say, screw it, and you throw in the towel. And sometimes you just throw in the Towel for a couple weeks, maybe even just a couple days. [00:14:09] But that, screw it, throws you off and it keeps reinforcing this all or nothing. [00:14:16] And this is where we have to detach from the outcome. We have to detach from the timeline while still staying committed to it. And that is probably one of the most woo woo coachy things I could ever say. I get that. This is something that I have been thinking about and working on for years. [00:14:34] Years. I have heard this, and I'm like, okay, I need to be committed to my goal, yet detached from it. What does that even mean? I haven't a flaming clue. Somebody tell me, what does that mean? What does that look like? I'm gonna tell you right now because I have figured it out. [00:14:51] Okay, so we are committed to the goal, but we are detached in the sense that I am detached from the timeline and when it needs to happen, number one. So it does not have to happen in the timeline that I think it should. [00:15:02] Okay. [00:15:04] Number two, I am also detached from me getting to think and feel good about myself being reliant on achieving that goal. [00:15:12] It's that have, do, be, we gotta flip it. Be, do have. When I be and I show up as the person that I wanna be, then. Then that's when I can ultimately have the weight loss. I can have what it is that I want. And ultimately, what we want is a feeling. We want an emotion. And so often we get so hung up on, I can't have this emotion until I fully hit this goal. And we miss out on the experience, we lose out on it. And I've talked with so many people. I've talked with clients, I've talked with friends, I've talked with, even people that I've met on dating apps about this. Like, this is such a common misperception. And I think it is so valuable when we can really tap into and recognize that goals are great and goals help us move in the right direction that we want, but the goal is there to create a certain experience of life. That's what we're really after. [00:16:01] It's like, I want to grow my business because I want to have an impact. I want to change the world. I have these other deeper things in my life where it's. I want to feel like my life has purpose and meaning. I get to feel that right now, though, not someday far off in the future. Not after I've been in business for 10 years. Not after I've made a certain amount of money or I've published a book or I've done This or I've done that. Like, I don't have to wait in order to feel like my life has meaning, that I am changing people's lives, that I am making an impact, that I am successful. [00:16:32] I get to believe that about myself now. [00:16:35] And when we start thinking and believing those things about ourselves now, the experience, experience of pursuing that goal becomes so much better because it's not just about being happy or this thing that we think is going to make us happy. It's what is the pursuit look like, what does your journey look like, the experience of achieving that goal. [00:16:57] It's a difference between I'm going to run a 10k and being so caught up and I just need to finish and I need to hit this time. And it's all about this end result of completing this race versus I'm going to enjoy the race and I'm going to enjoy the running and I'm going to enjoy the fresh air and the sunshine and being in this new city and being able to experience and do some sightseeing, to experience what it's like to run a race and do an event like this in this town, in this place. [00:17:22] It is so much more than just the end result. [00:17:26] And that is what we want to bring into weight loss. [00:17:30] You might be working on a weight loss goal or an emotional eating goal or to work on binge eating, but I still want you to enjoy other parts of life. I want you to enjoy your job and your career or maybe you're pursuing a promotion or you're pursuing a career change, right? It's. Can you enjoy that process? And actually, that's a, that's such a great example, right? When we think about changing jobs or maybe looking for a job. [00:17:55] So that can be so stressful for people, right? And I think back on times when I have been in between jobs or looking for a new job, and there was a lot of pressure, there's a lot of stress. I couldn't enjoy the process of it. And I think back on that now and I'm like, oh, like, I see it so differently now. [00:18:14] And I'm sure there would still be like, our normal habit brain is going to want to take over. And I have a normal human habit brain, too, just so y' all know. Like, my brain likes to offer up a lot of the same excuses. [00:18:26] And I see things. And this was so interesting too, because I had a friend asking me about goals that I had, like, bigger ultimate goals. And as I was sharing that, I got so caught up in the how. [00:18:37] But I don't know how it makes sense. And I don't know what that looks like and what's the pricing and the logistics and the format and the container. And it's like I got so caught up in the how versus my first step is believing that that is what I'm creating. [00:18:49] And it's just like clients and it came up with posing this concept of what if you out earned your ex in the next three years or the next five years, what about that? And they start doing the math in their head. They're like, but that doesn't make sense. It doesn't add up. And our first step is just to believe. What if this were possible? [00:19:05] What if I started to believe that I was the type of woman who could do that? [00:19:09] Only if you want it, right, just for fun, because you can. [00:19:14] Because you want to challenge yourself to believe in yourself at a new, deeper, bigger, better level. [00:19:21] Not because you need it to prove something about yourself, right? And this becomes huge. [00:19:27] How much are you trying to pursue goals in order to prove something? [00:19:32] Are you trying to lose weight? To prove your value? To prove your worth? To prove to your ex? To prove to those friends that left you behind? To prove to that former church that kicked you out? To prove to someone or something? [00:19:45] When are we trying to earn our worth and our value? When are we trying to prove ourselves? I think this is so key and it's so common in narcissistic abuse survivors. [00:19:56] There's a lot of proving that happens and that can come out versus I want to show myself what I'm capable of. I want to believe in myself at deeper levels. Not even I have to prove it to myself, but I want to believe enough in myself that I could do this and show that I can. [00:20:12] This is so important that we learn how to enjoy the process of achieving a goal. [00:20:19] And it's really hard to do if we don't get to feel good or think nice things about ourselves until we hit that final end destination. [00:20:25] Because how you get there is how you'll be there. So if you nitpick your body and you shit talk your body all the way down the scare, I guarantee you're gonna do that at your goal weight too. [00:20:34] And how you get there is how you'll stay there. It's what you're gonna have to do in order to stay there. [00:20:41] We have to keep this mindset in perspective of, okay, if I can love and enjoy my life as I'm losing weight, I'm going to be able to love and enjoy my life while I'M maintaining my weight. [00:20:53] That is the critical piece here. Because so much of why we give up on diets and why it's like, even if you do hit a goal weight, you throw away all the things that you were just implementing for the previous four or six months, and you're like, ah, finally I hit my goal weight. Now I can go out to eat. Now I can order dessert. Now I can go to happy hour or. Or have a bottle of wine. Now I get to do these things that I used to not be able to do. [00:21:17] And sometimes it's a slow seeping in of old habits, and sometimes it's a hallelujah, thank you, Jesus. Finally I can eat a burger and fries again, right? Like, sometimes it's this big swing back to old habits. [00:21:30] But if you are used to and have experience with this chronic dieting of, like, you can lose 30 pounds in three months, but you gain it right back three to six months later. [00:21:41] This is the issue. [00:21:43] And we've got to change how we think about weight loss, how we think about ourselves and our bodies, about what's required, how we start to think and talk nicer to ourselves and, like, really, truly enjoy the pursuit of this goal. [00:21:58] And it's gonna feel uncomfortable to some extent at times. It's gonna feel very backwards, very counterintuitive. But the better we get at this, and when we learn how to do this with weight loss or with emotional eating, the more we can start to take it and put it into other areas of life. [00:22:14] So can you do this? When it comes to pursuing a career, a promotion, a new job, can you do this? When it comes to building or growing a business, I can love and enjoy this process and the here and now of where I'm at. I don't have to wait until I have the promotion, I have the new job to feel and think good things. [00:22:36] I think about it often as well when it comes to the holidays. I love the holidays. I love October through the end of December. It's probably my favorite time of year. Absolutely love it. And it's always been interesting because Christmas is one day, and there have been times where I've felt a little let down by Christmas Day, right? Because there's, like, all of this buildup and this excitement and this fun environment for several months, and then it's one morning, one day, maybe one meal, and then it's over. And it feels like the buildup is all for this one day when really it's like, what I love is not just Christmas, the day, what I love Is Christmas the season? [00:23:13] I love the Christmas spirit. I love the Christmas season. I love the trees and the decorations and the lights. I love getting to spend time with family and playing cards and we do these big card fests on my mom's side, the family, and we have so much fun. [00:23:28] It's not just about Christmas Day. It's months, it's weeks leading up to Christmas. That's what I love. I love the experience of creating Christmas Day. [00:23:40] And can I now truly fully step into and embrace the full experience and not put all of the emphasis on that single one day? [00:23:48] That's what it's all about. [00:23:50] I can have so much joy and pleasure and excitement and fun with leading up to it all. Throughout this last quarter of the year, I also think about it with hiking. So this has come up for me a couple times, which, it's funny, eventually one of these days I'm going to hike Mount Mitchell and I'm going to get all the way to the top and all the way back down. Mount Mitchell is the tallest peak east of the Mississippi and it's just outside of Asheville, North Carolina. It first came on my radar, actually, years ago, back when my ex and I were newly married. We went to Asheville for our one year anniversary and it mostly was a great time. It's a bit challenging in some ways. More on that another time. But he was telling me about this mountain and so the first time we tried to hike it, we didn't even find the right trailhead. We just started walking up a mountainside. We just started traipsing through the jungle. So we couldn't even find the trailhead the first time. The second time with my ex, my dad and my youngest sister. And so we make it maybe a mile or two up and then she wants to turn around and go back down. So we didn't do it the second time. The third time, this was last spring in March. I went and I was like, all right, I'm going to hike this mountain. And it's 12 miles round trip. And I had not hiked at all since before Caleb was born. It had been four, five years since I had actually hiked, period. And then I realized, so I got maybe. I think I ended up doing eight miles total. I got close, but it was one of those things where it was like my knee was starting to hurt. I think I was starting to get blisters. And I realized I was like, oh, I have not trained for this whatsoever. So I was like, all right, I'm just gonna turn around and head back down. This was a good try, but it's probably not gonna happen. That's okay. And part of it is also about I want the experience to be fun. I don't want to hike this mountain and get to the top and hate going back down. I don't want to be injured then for the next month. [00:25:37] But I've also felt bad. Cause it's like, oh, I've been trying to hike this mountain for years now. [00:25:44] Like, I've been trying to complete it. I've been trying to have it done and accomplished and checked off. And it finally hit me this year. I was like, oh, my gosh. I keep on trying to have it as like, this thing that I've achieved versus this experience I get to have. [00:25:57] I get to experience hiking this really incredible mountain in this amazing city that I love. [00:26:04] And this year. So I was looking up routes and things. Cause I was like, sweet, I'm gonna go back. I have this speaking event planned. I'm gonna go see a concert in Asheville. And I was like, awesome. I'm gonna go hike this damn mountain again. And I was like, maybe I'll make it up this time. Nope, probably not. Because Hurricane Helene came through last fall. And the countryside and a lot of the trails and aspects, at least parts of them, have been washed away as of September. Parts of it are still closed. It's very slippery. It's very muddy. It's just not suitable right now. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to go back. And I might do part of it, but I'm still not going to get this whole thing in. [00:26:41] And that's okay. It is the pursuit of it. It's the experience of it. And it's okay if I don't actually achieve hiking all the way up and then back down. There are so many other ways in which this shows up. And I think the other piece that. Where I see this a lot for myself anyways is in dating. I am so determined to make dating fun and enjoyable. I want this experience to be a great experience. And so many people are so negative about it. You can't go far without hearing somebody's horror stories, Especially on social media. There are so many reels and memes. And sure, some of them are funny, but some of them are just so derogatory. And even the people on the dating apps themselves, there are so many men themselves who are like, this sucks. Get me off. I hate this. They make jokes about, hey, together we could get off dating apps forever. Or stuff like that. But it's just like alluding to this sense of this experience. Experience is terrible. It sucks. It's very much how people describe weight loss. And it's honestly, that's how I thought about not dating, was like, this is gonna suck. [00:27:45] And I actually was able to turn it around and really focus on can I enjoy my life while not dating? Take the emphasis off of dating being such a primary source of joy. Just like with weight loss, food can no longer be your primary source of joy, which means we are going to intentionally create joy and pleasure and fun adventure in other parts of life. We are going to take the onus off of the food. We are going to take the responsibility off of the food and put it where it really belongs, which is on living your life. [00:28:18] Just like when it comes to dating, because eventually I want to get married again. Eventually I want to have a spouse. Eventually I want to build a new life. And I don't know exactly what that's going to look like, but I'm detaching from the timeline and when it needs to happen. [00:28:31] My hope is that it's in the next five years. But at the end of the day, I want to find the quality man who is the right fit for me. And I'm willing to wait. I don't need it to be right now because I'm going to love the out of my life right now. I'm going to enjoy my life and pursuing other goals and other dreams. And I'm going to recognize that there are going to be some people who are not ready to be on this journey or just they are not available or able to be on this journey with me. And that's okay. [00:28:58] And there is something beautiful about me building an amazing, incredible life for my son and for myself that doesn't need somebody where I don't need a man. I can bring a man into my life because I want a man, because I want him in my life. It's not a need. It's not a requirement from an emotional standpoint. It's not a requirement from a physical or a financial standpoint. It's that I want somebody in my life. And this is very different than most people think about and talk about dating. It sounds miserable. And this is why so many people are often on apps just like they are off and on diets. [00:29:36] I want to help you to rewrite all of this, to change this so that you can love the phase of life that you're in right now, even as you are pursuing other goals. So I can love being single and in the pursuit of dating somebody, in the pursuit of a boyfriend. [00:29:53] Healthy pursuit, right? Not trying to chase him down, but like a healthy pursuit of these other goals, right? I can still love my life now. And this is the same for weight loss. You can love your life and your body now even as you are losing weight. [00:30:09] Parenting is another big one. I want to love this phase of life that I'm in with my son right now. And no, it's not going to last forever. There are going to be challenges now. But hey, that next season, that next phase of life we get into, there are going to be challenges with that too. And that's okay. [00:30:24] I don't want to wish away his childhood. I want to be there for it. I want to learn how to be a better mom, how to help him manage his emotions. Which means, you know what? I get to go first and I get to learn how to manage my emotions. Because so much of me giving in to whims and wants and tantrums is because I can't manage my emotions around his big emotions. [00:30:45] That's not going to work. [00:30:47] That is just constant cycles. It's generational patterns of trauma just continuing to play out. I want to teach him how to manage his emotions and I'll manage mine when his are breaking down. Because he's a kid and he's learning how to do this for the first time. [00:31:01] I don't want to shut him down. I don't want him to feel like he can't have emotions or express emotions. But there do have to be boundaries and there are going to be times that feel hard. [00:31:11] But I want to love the parts of this season. I want to love the experience of raising him, of raising a young boy because that young boy is going to turn into a young teenager and that young teenager is going to turn into a young man. And that's what I try to think about even in these moments. Am I raising a high quality 20 year old, 30 year old, 40 year old? [00:31:34] What can I do? What can I teach him? How can I start to help him recognize this and own mistakes, own things, right? He'll like trip over his own feet and then blame me. And I'm like, no, no, no, bro, no, we about to fix that right here. You are not blaming me for that. [00:31:50] I don't want to go to extremes here, but I want to start correcting these thought patterns and these behaviors so that he is not a 35 year old man blaming his wife who was in the other room for something that he did to himself that's not what we want. I can have these conversations and I can ask questions and I can get him to think. I can get him to see the bigger picture. [00:32:10] And yeah, sometimes it's hard and it's exhausting and I feel like good quality parenting is hard. It is exhausting. [00:32:17] That doesn't have to be a problem. We don't have to shy away from that. Can we let certain times be hard? Because there are a lot of really great times too. [00:32:25] But can we let it be hard and be okay? Can we lean into it like we would lean into a hard workout? A challenging workout where you come out of it feeling better, stronger, more amazing about yourself? [00:32:37] There was a bonus episode I did in July. I think it was July 15th was the release date and it was a bonus. So I don't think it has a number. I'll have to go back and double check on that. But it's letting life and weight loss be hard. And it was around this concept of leaning in and letting certain parts be hard and really questioning what are the hard parts. What feels really hard and are we addressing the right hard? Because your diet should not feel hard. Your eating protocol should not feel hard and restrictive. [00:33:06] What's gonna feel hard is saying no to food when you're not hungry, when you're used to reaching for food as a coping mechanism and a way to feel better. [00:33:15] No longer doing that. That's gonna feel hard. That's gonna feel uncomfortable. But that is the productive hard that we want. [00:33:22] Learning how to allow and feel your emotions so that you can learn how to allow and feel your kids emotions and let them feel it. That's gonna be a little hard. [00:33:30] But that is the productive hard that gets us closer to where we wanna go, that teaches us. [00:33:36] So many of us are in the business of re parenting ourselves. [00:33:39] Let that be okay. [00:33:41] Love the journey. Embrace the journey. Embrace the parts that are hard. Lean into the parts that are hard and also know that it won't be hard all the time. [00:33:50] So often part of what makes it hard is this pressure and urgency of I have to have the end goal and I have to have it now so I can think and feel good about myself. [00:34:01] That's part of what makes it hard. [00:34:03] You want to reduce some of the dreadfulness. Some of what feels hard is we want to release the pressure and the urgency. [00:34:10] We do that when we learn to love and enjoy the process. We can let go of the timeline. We don't need it right this moment when we don't need it to feel good about Ourselves right now, when I feel good about me and I'm loving life and I'm living life and I'm pursuing new hobbies and other things outside of weight loss. [00:34:29] Weight loss can be enjoyable. It can be fun. It can even be easy. [00:34:34] But we have to let it be easy. We have to stop making it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. [00:34:40] And I promise, you can do this and you can do it during the holidays. [00:34:46] This is the best time of year to work on losing weight and ending emotional eating, to be learning about yourself, to get so much practice in. Because I promise, if you can do it over the next three months, you're going to be able to do it any other time of year. [00:35:00] But we got to start now. We can't start on Thanksgiving Day. We don't want to start on December 20th and start prepping for the 25th. [00:35:09] So often we throw away the rest of the year instead of looking at how much we can make it count. [00:35:15] The year is not over yet. Don't give up. [00:35:20] Do not walk off the field when you have one lap to go, it's just one lap. We are almost there. We are three quarters of the way done, and maybe you're looking at the end of this year and you're like, there's no way I could hit my goal for this year. [00:35:33] Okay, maybe you can't lose 50 pounds in the next three months, but you can lose 15. [00:35:38] You can lose 20. [00:35:40] And now the only problem is that you keep telling yourself that's not good enough. It should be more. You keep arguing with reality, and instead of going into the new year £20 down, you're going to go in £5 up, and now you're going to have £55 to lose. [00:35:58] That's got to stop. [00:35:59] Let's let that stop right now. [00:36:02] If you would like some help, if you want to work with me as your coach to help you end emotional eating, lose weight, create not just the body you crave, but the life you crave to create a life that lights you up inside, especially after trauma, especially after divorce. I am the perfect coach for you because I'm going to help you to bring all of these pieces together to truly create a life that you love, where you can love yourself and your body and your lifestyle now. And all the way down the scale. [00:36:38] I'm going to help you love and enjoy the holidays as you are in the process of losing weight, while decreasing the food noise, decreasing and healing from the food trauma, while learning how to navigate difficult people, difficult situations, and truly focus on what matters most, which is the connection and the people and how you think and feel and talk to yourself. [00:37:01] And if you are ready to transform that, I would love to help. [00:37:06] Your next best step is to schedule a free consultation and on this call we will spend about an hour together really exploring where are you now? How has this year been going? What's been coming up? And then where do you want to be this time next year? [00:37:22] So often we get so caught up in what needs to happen right now in three months, in six months, in such a short amount of time. But where do you want to be in a year? [00:37:32] Where do you want to be in three years? [00:37:35] And by expanding our focus on our vision and by staying focused and committed to that goal, I'm going to teach you how to do that. How to stay focused and committed to your goals while also detaching from needing them to happen. Because I'm going to teach you how to talk and think nice to yourself. How to feel good, healthy, positive emotions, and how to also expand your capacity to feel negative emotions so that you are not turning to food or alcohol or a dating app to feel better. [00:38:05] I'm going to teach you how to meet your own emotional needs. Rather than looking for ice cream or chips or wine or some person on a date to do that for you, I promise you. Learn to meet your own emotional needs. [00:38:19] That's when everything can change. [00:38:22] Now we can just love and enjoy food as it fuels our body. [00:38:26] We can enjoy a glass of wine without needing a whole bottle. We can enjoy the process of dating without needing that person to make us feel a certain way. [00:38:36] This is what it's all about. We gotta change the internal narrative, the internal monologue. [00:38:42] And this is the best time to do it. If you want to chat, you can schedule a free [email protected] schedule and I will talk with you then. [00:38:53] All right y', all, here's to creating the life and body you crave. Even during the holidays. [00:39:04] If this episode resonated with you, it's time to break free from destructive cycles around food, alcohol and toxic relationships. Your next step? [00:39:13] Book your free Break the Cycle call where you'll finally see why your binge eating and relationship patterns are so deeply connected and how to break free from both for good. [00:39:24] You'll walk away with fierce clarity and a game plan to step into a life full of fun, adventure and self love. Grab your spot now at www.bodyucrave.com VTC. [00:39:39] It's time to break the cycle. I'll show you.

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